h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, well all the rats are now gone, and the sewer can be left to monsters again.

.... Really? ... I've always found listorine to be good stuff... it's good for the teeth as well ....

Do you know how many teeth those monsters have?

Yes, about 4'327.... give or take a few hundred.... I've recomended they go and terrorise a factory...

.... slightly destructive, yes... but at least they'll have nice breath

Here we are in a sewer surrounded by mud, slime and various other undescribable foul excrement, and you're worried about Bad Breath?

Yes! The whole world would be a far nicer place if every monsster had nice breath, whilst eating people

Better breath won't fix what Amy and Styx have done. I may forgive them some day.

Hmm...
Would you like to volunteer seeing the effect that better breath has whilst being eaten alive?

No thank you, sir Bluebottle. I need to be alone for a while.

*Wanders away, with his snake slithering after him*

*The roses pause, and then chase after him*

*Styx appears from narrow branch tunnel not noticed before, further down Pipe 42*
*followed by 6 brown rats pushing and pulling a red wagon full of chunks of spam*

Bluebottle! *red eyes glow alert for monsters* Rats found food for monsters so monsters don't eat rats any more!

*wagon is pushed to end of tunnel then a rat pushes button on side* wagon extends into feeding trough sticking out of side tunnel*

Rats found vein of spam in caves under h2g2. Then we design this wagon. When empty it will go back to spam lode, rats will fill it again. Rats feel sorry for hungry monsters heh heh heh

But rats want something back --

*rats hear monsters coming because spam smells strong*
*Styx and rats scurry away*

*Many of the monsters sniff at the spam excitedly, and one small little monster pushes his way to the front, and cautiously eats a bite of spam. He smiles and is about to take another bite, when one of the larger monsters bites his head off and chews, and then smiles. Obviously he likes the taste of the spam, as well as the monster's blood.*

So, what is it you want in return, Styx?

*glowing red eyes from a high ledge*
rats just want tu use sewer for travel with out roses hurting delicate rat ears! Rats want high bridge across Pipe 42.

*looks down at monsters fighting over spam* With walls.

Bluebottle should put balcony here. Let tourists watch feeding time, heh heh heh

Those sound like fairly fair demands in return for food - where abouts do you want the bridge to go from and to?
Let me know, and I'll see if I can get some builders in here... Although it may be better if you don't feed the monsters in this pipe whilst the work is going on otherwise the work force will probably all die...

<BB<

*red eyes glow pleased*
Between crosspipes GG East and GG West, across Pipe 42. Rat Bypass. Route GG has lots of intersections.

Send bots to do construction. Monsters don't eat bots. Get bots from CLI. Then rats can keep feeding monsters.

hem, hem, Rats thank Bluebottle.

*whirls around on ledge scurries away*

Okay - are you sure, though, that the CLI bots are strong enough? These monsters have very sharp teeth and a lot of them either eat metal or have saliva made of very strong acid...
But if you're bots can survive, sounds fine to me.

<BB<

*bots clatter out of side pipe*
*All carrying big trays of spam. Trot down to first curve and dump spam on grond and quickly build barrier with trays and instement*

*Styx watching red eyes glow interested*
*Bots throwing cables across, soon make footbridge from spout on one side to spout on other side*
*other bots setting up stainless steel girders near spam mine entrance, make steel gate across entrance, make observation platform*
*cage corridor next. bots make walkway along side of pipe to stairs lead to platform*

*All the time monsters howl and cough fight and eat spam*
*barrier start to shake and wobble*

*bots run for spam mine, Styx goes on bridge*
monsters pouring into pipe as gate slams shut *Styx leaving by spout*

*stands in caged walkway and admires bridge*

Styx's Millenium Bridge?

It does look very impressive
Shame only a few people, mainly rats, will use it - it looks like it should be advertised and seen as a wonder of the world.

<BB<

*head poking out of spout*
Ant Lady can make postcard.

*gate slides open automatic as cart comes to entrance and dumps spam into trough*

All on timer now. Cart comes once a day. Monsters will learn.