h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1. Oh my! Thankyou for being on my side in the continuity thing this time! It's so refreshing for me to not get this wrong for a change...

2. Yeah, no offense intended George B., but they were my Creations...

3. Actually, Saria is the owner of the fairy. The fairy is called, um, erm...yes, well you've got me on that one...


*The probes fly after the group of adventurers, and enter the room with Krill in. They hang back a bit, while they initiate any anti-magic defenses they can muster, although they do doubt they'll work in this realm...*

/* Zeppo, whose name tag is in the shape of a four-leaf clover, has no problem running right past the Lucksucker.



He enters the control room and barks at Krill */

And one more thing: get your own bloody character!! Don't control MINE!

As for underestimating Krill's abilities ... let's say that in the game, he will have a Physical Defense of 10,000? Strong enough for ya?

And what's the flower called? And if you haven't the faintest, let's call it a Snapdraco.


[Saria, upon hearing Krill's threat, quickly complies. She runs out and stumbles over Zeppo, giving Krill the idea that she is invisible.]

[Saria] Link!

[Link exits the observation room]

[Link] Yeah?

[Saria] Krill's in there!

[Link] I know. I saw that Deku Baba on a monitor.

[Saria] Huh?

[Link] The flower.

[Saria] No, what's a monitor?

[Link] I'll explain later. [shrugs] I've fought worse. I once had to battle a guy named Majora who had enough power to smash the moon into Hylia.

[Saria] Hm. How are we going to get you in there?

[Link] I know. Let's both go together.

[They both walk towards the Operations Room. Half a stepladder tries to get in their way. Saria points at it and it becomes slightly less substantial]

[Link] If we had Affy's help, we could break that spell.

Hang on, Link, isn't it Termina? The alternate Hylia?

/* Zeppo whimpers as Saria falls over him, then notices the flower.

Zeppo knows how to do only two things when it comes to flowers. One is to dig them up, but this flower is already uprooted, so Zeppo does the other thing, and lifts his leg...

The flower recoils, and jumps back, giving Zeppo enough time to run from the room */

I /know/, but "Hylia" is the name of the planet. Hyrule is the name of the kingdom in our universe, and Termina is the name of the kingdom in the alternate universe. Besides, Link's not sure if Saria understands the concept of parallel universes. (Right now, he's working on explaining monitors. )


[Link explains monitors to Saria in as brief a fashion as he can manage. It's like trying to explain a technological expert the workings of magic, only exactly vice-versa, which amounts to exactly the same thing]

[Saria] I get it.

[Link] Good. [calls] Affy! Krill's in the ops room and I've figured out how to get in!

Hey guys, long time, no see.
IIEM, Cuban coffee please.
Aahhhh.... That's better.
Is Lil still around? I'd like to check in on Ubik. I hope she's doing alright.
Any reports from the front lines on the hard-wiring of the global brain?

Wrong forum. The main Aroma Café forum is in "Aroma Café Merry Christmas." This is an adventure Link's having in the Magick Forest. Right now he's on Zork.

Which basically means that he isn't in the Magick Forest...


*The probes wait patiently for something to happen, as they were only instructed to accompany the adventurers, after all...*

*Affy, upon hearing Link's calls, quickly stuffs the receipt into his pocket, draws his sword (still glowing a faint blue light), and makes sure that his spellbook is open to a good page (not hard, considering the fact that, if you check most text-based Zork games, spellbooks are always open to whatever page you need them open to). He runs out of the treasure room, and not even heeding Link's mentioning of a way in, runs right into the lucksucker. Affy growls when a small circle of every known type of lucksucker has cornered him: a black cat, a stepladder, a spinning umbrella, and a giant number 13*

I don't have time for this. Okay, you four asked for it!

*Affy reachs into his lunch bag again, and pulls out a four leaf clover, a horse-shoe, and a rabbit's foot. He tosses the clover at the 13, the shoe at the ladder, and the foot at the cat. Each explodes in a burst of green sparks, leaving only a very terrified looking umbrella, who spins away quickly. Affy quickly runs into Krill's operations room, but runs back out, followed by some very hot dragon fire*

I don't think he saw me, but he knows that we're here, so he's already summoned a dragon. If I know his style, he'll summon a dragon, then a fighter monster, but beyond that no one's ever survived long enough to see what he does. So, . . .

*Affy quickly memorizes the Gondar spell, and the Cleesh spell*

This'll take care of a dragon, and most other monsters, as long as this new monster isn't a reptillian or amphibian. In that case, I'll have a Vaxum spell ready along with it. Link, how do you propose we get in?

/* Zeppo paws at Affy's lunch bag */

[Link] Er ... Saria, do that trick you did before.

[Saria does what she did before. The way to the Ops room is clear for a short time]

[Link] Since you're more powerful, Affy, why don't you try it?


Let's see ... we've got Krill, a Dragon, and a Snapdraco for the bosses. Don't add any more bad guys, please, because I want to limit the number of Bad Guys per battle to four, and the number of Bad Guys per boss battle to three.

And Zeppo? How do you know Affy /has/ a lunch bag?

Zeppo knows about the lunch bag because Affy was just rummaging through it for the good luck tokens. Also, presumably it has a sandwich inside (it always does), and Zeppo's sense of smell is quite good.

D'OH!

<> Is this dragon a Welsh Dragon, an Emerand Dragon, or a Spanish Dragon? Welsh Dragons are red, can fly, and hoard everything fron tea-cosies to Austraillian childrens' books. Emerald Dragons are green, fire-breathing and can fly, however they are suseptable to bee stings. Spanish Dragons cannot fly, but can breath fire and are studded with jewels. Both Welsh Dragons and Spanish Dragons are prone to eating people, but Emerald Dragons usually eat vegetation.

Well? <[_]

It's a green dragon, it breathes really hot fire every time it opens its mouth, and can't really be beatn off very easily, because Krill preps it for most of the dangerous spells, so only simple magic works (such as the Gondar spell).

Oh, and would you mind it if we called the plant a Snap Dragon instead? There's already a kind of monster in Zork called a Snap Dragon, which is a large read flower with the crushing capacity of most alligators. There's a simple way to defeat it, but I don't have it with me, so we'd still get a pretty good battle out of it.


*Affy tries the spell, and the path to the room is clear*

Um, guys? I'll try to fight Krill, but, unless I miss my guess, he's already really, really, really aware of my presence here. He's probably already probed my mind a little without me noticing it, and I've had enough experience with spell casting to register as a threat in his mind.

*Affy runs through the passage, and looks into the room. The snap draco/snap dragon has grown several heads, and is very large by this time. The dragon is perched on a gargoyle located very high up in the vaulted ceiling of the chamber, and Krill is sitting in a throne, doing a little trick with fireballs. When affy enters, his sword begins to pulse with an intense blue glow, and Krill focuses his eyes on Affy*

This is bad. I'll bet he still remembers about the Guncho spell. And me messing up his scheme with the Unseen Terror...

*Krill spits a black liquid at Affy, who manages to dodge behind a rock. The liquid melts a floor in the ground*

Well, it looks like we've got a Boss. http://www.thescifivine.com/~Ted_Lars/link/Boss.mid

How about that liquid spell thing is called Sludge?


[Link] Yikes! That guy's got a Physical Defense the size of the Empire State Building! [gets a confused look from Saria] -- er, Death Mountain! We've gotta use Magic here!

[Link and Saria both Z-target Krill.]

There's no name for most of the combat spells that Krill has been known to use, but I can tell you that no self respecting Zorkish spell would be known as "sludge". All Zorkish spells have strange names, some with a meaning, some without. For instance, 'Gondar' is an anagram of 'dragon', 'Gnusto' is named after someone's dog, 'Cyr' is the name of a Beta Tester for a few Infocom games, 'Filfre' is a corrupted form of "Feel Free" (an old Implementer's greeting), etc.


*Affy looks from behind the rock, and sees Krill on the throne. But then one of the Snap Dragon's heads attacks from behind, causing Affy to remember one of the things he really hates about Snap Dragon's: when concious, they're impervious to most traditional methods of gardening. Affy uses his sword in a few attempts to get a safe distance away, rather than fight*

*Linked to the Space Between Dimensions, the Professor, on hearing through the probes that Krill's Physical Defense is enourmously high, and that the other adventurers have to resort to magic because the PD is too high for them, orders the probes to initiate all anti-magic barriers they can muster, and begin an attack on Krill themselves, merely to stall for time...*
*He then calls to the Computer on the Space Station...*

Computer! Begin saving my time-state. Make a memory copy of me, and prepare the new Dimensional Matirx biPasser module.

[Certainly Sir.]

*The Professor has the Computer take over command of the control through the Space Between Dimensions, and heads over to the DMbP chamber.*
*Since his last antics with Dimensions, he has installed a new method of getting to a different type of dimension - the sort only Time Tunnels get you to. Set into the normal DMbP mechanism, he can now get to Zork or other such places by simply stepping through one of his Dimensional Breaches as before.*

[Sir, DMbP is now properly configured for first full run. Advising extreem caution...]

Taken the back-ups I told you?

[Affirmative Sir. Have a nice voyage...]

*The Professor steps quickly over to the controls console, and opens a Breach to Zork - to Krill's Ops Room, as it happens...*
*He steps through unwaivering, and emerges through a portal right in front of the recently created hole in the ground...*

Oh my...

*...he exclaims as he looks up at Krill, who, on noticing this newcomer, performs the same spell again, and fires a bolt of odd liquid at the Professor, who dodges it...*

Ahem, Link, or I think this concerns YK in this instance, I've found your collection of midi files with the last one you pointed out, and I've noticed one named after my very self. I realise what battle scene the tune is from, but I'm wondering why it's named after me...
I'm guessing you actually mean the other scientist in this adventure...?