h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Cut to YK's IRL self, Dylan. (No, not BOB Dylan, that's my FIRST name! ) He is sitting in an armchair, wearing a bathrobe, and a book is open in his lap.]

[Dylan] Well, you've probably met YK's friend Link before. So now I've put him in the Magick Forest of The Aroma Café to see if I can in some way develop his personality. Throughout this entire forum, Link will be the character involved. YK and any of his other characters, except Navi and perhaps Princess Zelda, will not be there. So please take not that this isn't me, YK, or anyone else, but Link. Thanks.

[He holds up the book, revealling that there's a MYST-type "gateway image" on the page. It shows the edge of the Magick Forest from the inside; the Aroma Café is visible. Zoom in to that. A hand moves up and covers the image. Fade to black, a warbling tremolo audible. Fade to the scene visible in the image.]

[The door to the Aroma Café opens. Cut to a point-of-view shot of the person who's opening it; the view turns straight to the Magick Forest. Cut to a very low view, only showing leather boot-clad shoes. Cut to a point of view shot of something that is buzzing around the area of this person. (Eugh, makes me seasick!) Cut to a way overhead view. Footsteps are heard, but only a bouncing ball of light with wings -- a faery -- is seen, buzzing around this area. Zoom in, and an eleven-year-old elfin boy suddenly fades into existence near the fairy. He is wearing a tunic, a hood-like hat, shorts, (All the above are the same shade of green), a blue shield on his back, the aforementioned boots, a baldric, a belt, and between the shield and his back a smallish sword with a blue, plastic-looking hilt. This is Link, and the faery is named Navi. Link enters the forest.]

[Navi] Hey!

[Link] [looking at Navi] Yeah?

[Navi] {This kinda feels familiar! It's like we're in the Lost Woods again.}

[Link considers this]

[Link] You're right. I do sense something...

[He looks around and continues on his way]

[Link passes a large bulbous plant]

[Link] What's this?

[Navi] {Dunno. But I don't like the looks of it.}

[Link] Mm.

[He walks over to the plant. It abruptly unfolds, revealling a red, tulip-like "blossom" in the middle. A blue vine whips out of the blossom, grabs Link by the legs, and starts pulling him in]

[Navi] {GAAA! Man-eating plant!}

[Link] Oh great!

[He draws his sword, revealling that the blade is mirror-like in its reflectiveness, and tries to swing at the vine, which moves out of the way. Meanwhile, several dozen other vines from various trees try to pull Link away from the plant.]

[Link] Oh great. Navi, get Lil or Irving or someone. They'll know what to do.

[Navi flies off]

*Follows the panicking Navi*
Ah! This doesn't look good.
I'll go find Lil...

[Link gets it into his head that the forest is sentient]

[Link] Forest, let go of my arms.

[The vines on his arms move away and wrap around his waist]

[Link] All right. This is a one-shot deal ...

[He throws his sword at the blue vine, which doesn't get out of the way in time, and snaps in two. The green vines, still pulling hard, send him catapulting into the air. Most of them reach up and grab him before he arrives at fatal heights, and two of them grab the sword before it hits a poor defenseless rabbit]

[Rabbit] Oh my god!! [runs straight to its burrow]

[Link is lowered carefully and his sword is handed to him. He retreats to a safe distance from the plant]

[Navi flies over]

[Navi] {I got Bluebottle's attention. He's getting Lil's attention.}

[Link] I heard that. I'll stay here so they won't get overly worried about my health if they get here and I'm not.

[Meant that the blue vine snaps in two, not Link, which would be very bad]

[Navi] {In any case, I think they'd count on the forest to get you out of jams.}

[Link] Well, I think they're right. [to forest] Thanks. [to Navi] There's still the mystery of how the plant got there.

It's Lil's Venus Flytrap . . . she's been gone from the atelier for some time. She has grown an extra head and a tendril and sort of pushes herself along. Let me pop over to the atelier and get Lil . . .

Nice to make your acquaintance, YK & friends . . . your reputation precedes you (in a good way).

[Curator ]

Her name is Violet. You might try feeding her something other than yourself--she eats minced beef, milorganite, and milk. Actually, she is the property of Afgancaap5 from Crater Labs, but Lil is plant-sitting because there are no windows down there.

Kathy

*Lil stumbles through the underbrush carrying a large tupperware bowl*

The paths are disorganised. The forest is upset about something. I always used to bear left in a curve when I got to that oak with the curvy branch and now here's this stairway of roots....

Violets! I brought you some prime rib! VIOLETS! Violets, where are you? Hm, people were telling me she went this way. *calling again* Viiiiiiolets!

I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to me for a moment there....

In the first post, I stated that Link and Navi are my only characters here. I'm just repeating it now. Meanwhile, here's some background music. http://www.thescifivine.com/~Ted_Lars/Woods.mid
Also, Link has not left the area of the flytrap


[Link] Hi. Any idea wher I can get a map of this place?

[He turns around and sees a sign with the word "Map" on it. A legend indicates that green dots indicate the location of the person who is in front of it and blue dots indicate other people. Yes, it's been here all this time, but Link has been ... occupied with other matters. The blue dots move around the way the corresponding people do]

[Link] Hmm. Where's Lil's flytrap?

[A red appears exactly where the plant is in relation to Link in relation to the green dot]

[Navi] {Okay, I guess. But I still think something's up.}

Hallo hallo hallo -- wheel marks! *sees Link* Hi! Did you see a seven foot tall venus flytrap in a wheeled barrel, with two heads? There are several flytraps around, but this one would be pretty distinctive!

Have you been to the Magic Wood before?

*A large wolf nonchalantly trots down the path and past Lil and Link. It pauses to lift its leg on a nearby wheeled barrel. It turns to look at Lil and Link and distinctly appears to be grinning. It then turns and continues on its way.*

In the first post, I stated that Link and Navi are my only characters here. I'm just repeating it now. Meanwhile, here's some background music. http://www.thescifivine.com/~Ted_Lars/Woods.mid
Also, when Navi is at least three feet from anyone other than Link, his voice echoes so much that it's impossible to understand him.


[Link] No, it wasn't in a wheelbarrow. [considers] And it didn't /really/ look like a venus flytrap...

[Navi] {Something's up!}

[Sagittarius] [from beyond the left side of the screen] That's quite right!

[Link turns to his left and his hat flies off. Those around him also look to Link's left and they similarly react. Pan in that direction to show Mr. Sagittarius: he looks like an ape, but with the nose of an elephant, the eyes of a tiger, the ears of a rabbit, the feet of a lizard, and the clothes of a sales executive]

[Sagittarius] As I said, that's quite right! Something /is/ up!

[Link] How could you understand Navi? He's far enough away from you that the echo would ...

[Sagittarius] Echo, schmecho! I've got very selective hearing.

[Navi] {So I can't tell any deep, dark secrets while /this/ guy's around?}

[Sagittarius] No, Navi, you can't. By the way, I am Sagittarius, a genetically-engineered ... er ... life form. And so is Asteroid Lil's unfortunate fly-trap, which has been transformed into a Deku-Jumanjus.]

[Everyone except Sagittarius and Navi] What's That?

[Navi] {It's a Deku-Baba combined with a seven-foot Venus flytrap combined with that huge yellow plant from the movie "Jumanji."}

[Link repeats this]

*patiently*
Not a wheelbarrow. A wheeled barrel. The bottom half of a barrel, on wheels, so that we could move her around the veranda. But she has grown a runner and seems to be using it to pull herself around.

*opens tupperware bowl, hoping that Violets will notice the smell of raw meat*

In the first post, I stated that Link and Navi are my only characters here. I'm just repeating it now. Meanwhile, here's some background music. http://www.thescifivine.com/~Ted_Lars/Woods.mid
Also, when Navi is at least three feet from anyone other than Link, his voice echoes so much that it's impossible to understand him.


[Link] Nope, none of that either. Sorry, it sounded like you were saying "wheelbarrow".

Heeeeeeeeeel!

/* d'Elaphant, dragged on a leash by his fourteen-week old puppy skids by as Zeppo stops to smell the markings of a wolf, and leap at the tupperware bowl in Lil's hands then zooms off again, disappearing onto a twisty path, taking d'Elaphant with him. */

Zeppo, heeeeeeeeel!

In the first post, I stated that Link and Navi are my only characters here. I'm just repeating it now in case someone presumes otherwise. Meanwhile, here's some background music. http://www.thescifivine.com/~Ted_Lars/Woods.mid
Also, when Navi is at least three feet from anyone other than Link, his voice echoes so much that it's impossible to understand him.


[Link] [picks up his hat and puts it on] Anyway, what're /you/ doing here, Mr. Sagittarius?

[Sagittarius] Well, I'm actually escaping from Professor Kramer's IlGenEdLab. Er, Illegal Genetic Editing Laboratory. It's in here someplace.

[Link] How'd he get /any/ kind of building built /here/?

[Sagittarius] He asked nicely. The forest has figured out what he's up to, but he's found something very nasty. It's a field that completely blocks magic.

[JARRING CHORD]

In the first post, I stated that Link and Navi are my only characters here. I'm just repeating it now in case someone presumes otherwise. Meanwhile, here's some background music. http://www.thescifivine.com/~Ted_Lars/Woods.mid
Also, when Navi is at least three feet from anyone other than Link, his voice echoes so much that it's impossible to understand him.


[Montage of everyone saying "What!"]

[cut to up in a tree.]

[Someone] [whisper] What!

[Her faery] [Faery equivalent of whisper] {What!}

[Nobody notices these two characters. They will turn out to be very significant to this story, but no one knows this, especially them, and no one else even knows they're there. I will be the one to reveal their presence to the other characters, okay?]