h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Must be a plant-lke companion of Affy's.
And which creature, by the way? Beyond six feet, technology can't detect the thing that's hiding fifteen feet up in the trees, and the periscope thing just went underwater. Erm, and it WAS a periscope. It just looked odd.


[Navi] Hey! {There's Affy!}

[Link] Cool. Hi, Affy!

Wow, I had barely left my little hiding place in the woods, and didn't even *mention* being close to you! You people have *great* eyesight and hearing skills! Right?


*Just for the sake of argument, Affy appears, followed closely by what appears to be a large, ominous looking, somewhat dark shaded tree*

Hello, all. I heard that Violet was missing in this forest, so...

*Darkwood rustles*

Sorry, Violets was (is?) missing, so I came. This is Darkwood, a friend of mine, not unlike the trees in the forest outside of Brie in "The Fellowship Of The Ring", except he's a lot friendlier. He's been with me since the "Getting Lost In The Woods" competition during the h2g2 Olympics. Anyway, I've programmed my watch to detect Violet's nucleic residue, so I can easily follow her. If I come across ground that Violet (or, possibly, creatures who have DNA almost identical to Violet's) has been on in the last five hours, I'll be able to trace...

*The watch suddenly beeps, and tugs Affy's wrist in the direction of several wheel tracks. Affy shrugs and waves good-bye as he is tugged away by the watch. Darkwood sighs and ruffles something that no one can understand, and then takes a short cut leading in another direction*

*Meanwhile, the Professor's probes have grabbed some matter from somewhere and have multiplied, so's to scan the area quicker.*
*They aren't searching in particular for either Violet or the Anit-Magic Field, but the Professor has had them specially instructed...*

*They quietly scan the forest, hopefully (I stress that last word) unnoticed, but you know how Affy'll find 'em...*


*Won't he?*
*Oh well...life goes on...*

[Link] Well, that's that.

*The watch comes to a rest in a clearing, and Affy looks around. Just for fun, he notices one of Tonks' probes, and waves at it. He turns away for a moment, but then gets a panicked look on his face*

Oh, Big C! I've gotta warn you about something! KL's got a...

*Suddenly, Affy's watch begins tugging again, and pulls him away too fast for Affy to finish what he was saying. However, he's put Tonks on guard, and, according to the watch, is getting close to Violet. Or Violets, or whatever*

Follows Affy along the wheel tracks

C

/* Zeppo , antlers slightly askew and without a collar, runs in barking, sniffing around in search of a tupperware bowl full of meat, then heads along the direction of the wheel tracks.

d'Elaphant follows a few minutes later, holding a leash with broken collar */

Zeppo! Zeppo!

Has anyone seen a puppy wearing antlers?

[Link] He went thataway. [points, continues on the path]

[Navi] {I think we ought to be careful here. I think something weird is going on.}

[Link] I know. You saw Sagittarius.

[Navi] {Well, sure, but how come he ran off all of a sudden?}

[Link] I don't know. [walks into an invisible anti-magic web] GAA!

[He jumps back and appears to hang in midair]

[Link] Oh great. Now what?

[He abruptly falls to the ground and gets even more entangled in the web]

[Link] Um, help!

*The probes scouring the area all put up as many protection fields around themselves as possible, at Affy's warning.*
*Being solely technological, they are not affected by magic (what with the Professor's own equipment) or anti-magic, they fly downwards towards Link...*



*A voice on the Station tells them to shut up and get on with it...*



*A small group of probes fly down next to Link, grab him with a traktor beam (the electric variety, not the sort you get on farms - see the Save the Galaxy thread to find out more...), and haul him out onto safe ground, away from the web...*

*Back on the Station, someone's just begging to hear they'll need his help...*

[Link] Um ... thanks.

[Navi] {I hope we don't encounter anymore of those!}

[Link] Well, if we do, [to probes] I think I'll need your help.

[They go around a corner and see what appears to be a tree, covered entirely in what looks like spiderwebs made by a ten-foot (three-meter) spider in their size. What looks like the opening of a cave is in the middle of the tree, blocked by a less dense mass of web]

/* Zeppo runs up to the spider barking fiercely, or what would appear to be fiercely if he wasn't wagging his tail, wearing antlers, and carrying a piece of broken tendril in his mouth, thus muffling the bark.

Zeppo runs off */

is still following along, but too busy IRL to get really involved.

Kathy

*Affy and Darkwood are already here. They appear to be conversing with the web in a strange, musical language. After they appear to come to some agreement, Affy pulls a few strange leaves from his pocket, leaves it on the ground, and continues through, led by his watch as he follows the tracks. While following the signal of Violet, he wonders if Tonks knows that his warning was a warning for all of h2g2 instead of just this forum. Decides not to worry too much about it, and continues on Violet's trail*

Sorry I didn't mention it earlier, Zeppo, but there isn't any spider visible here.


[Link] What's up, Affy?

[Navi] {Hey!}

[Link] What?

[Navi] {I just thought I saw something moving in the trees!}

[A spider the size of an outhouse jumps out of a tree and lands in front of Link, who sprawls backwards]

[Spider] BOO! Heeheehee! [shakes with laughter]

[Link] What are YOU?

[Spider] Hungry. [gnashes its teeth menacingly]

[Link] I see. Hungry for anything in particular?

[Spider] Well, if you've seen any dragonflies the size of motorhomes and can direct me to 'em, I'd be glad, but [advances] I think I'd like a light snack here! YUM! ELF!

[The spider pounces. Link dodges it and Z-targets it. For those of you unfamiliar with the N64 Zelda games, this means that Link's faery companion flies over whatever it is (a sign, a human, a monster, an odd rock, etc.) and turns yellow, while a "sights" of sorts, consisting of four triangles pointing at each other, appears around it. Link cannot face any direction other than at the thing he's Z-targeting. This makes it nearly impossible for him to miss it.]

[Navi] {There's only one weak spot Spiders have. That's their eyes!}

[The spider attacks and Link whacks it in the eye with his sword. The spider stumbles back, pulsing in and out of being a red silhouette and cursing. Then the red dies down. Help, please?]

*Lil enters with tupperware bowl of meat. Taking in the stuation in a flash of backlog, she opens the bowl, digs in with one hand, and slings a fistful of raw cubed steak at the spider*

*A man in a dark cloak and low fedora appears taking in the surroundings slowly*
Don't I always pick the most intresting moments to enter? *Looking at the spider* Hungry? I can fix that. *reaching into his rucksack Ice produces one of the many many many many field rations that he has been made to choke down since his training began and throws it at the spider* There you go gaurenteed to make anything use anykind of appietite they have for at least a week. *turning to Affy* Oh btw *making a flourishing bow and sweeping off the fedora to reveal himself* Its been a while affy how have you been?

/* Zeppo, whose sense of smell is so extraordinarily good that he doesn't have to see something to know it is there, runs back with a large, 1.2 meter stick in his mouth, attracted by the smell of raw meat.
Forgetting he has the stick in his mouth, he jumps at the meat tha Lil has tossed at the spider, but the stick gets in the way, whacks the spider and bounces Zeppo back 1.4 meters. His antlers are now sideways.

d'Elephant can be heard calling for Zeppo in the distance */

*Looks at Iceraven, frowning slightly*

Hmmm, yes, I remember you. You were a member of STUMPED, but needed to take a break of a few months from h2g2. Well, in case you haven't heard,...

*Knocks his own head a few times*

,...the Krylma Leader doesn't live here anymore. He managed to steal back his old body and get out of my head. He's worse now. Before he was controlled, but now he's a menace.

However, no reason we can't be friends before you reunite with the ol' leather head. I'm looking for a friend,...

*His watch beeps and casts a light into a nearby bush. He looks in*

Well, I'll be. It's been awhile since I've seen you...

[When Zeppo got it, it went into another round of pulsing red. Now it takes the food and scuttles off. A moment later it scuttles right back again.]

[Spider] I still like /his/ taste.

[The spider gestures at Link, who has his sword extended to his left. It starts glowing at its words, and when the spider pounces again, Link spins around, his sword leaving a blazing trail of fire which turns into a ring which expands. This gets the spider in the eyes, and it falls over and vanishes in a puff of bad N64 special effects.]

*pops the lid back on the container* Well done Link! But it was a rather cheap spider, wasn't it.

Affi, what've you got there?