h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Grandfather was avid gardener so I followed the herb trade for awhile before I switched to this. Most drugs and herbs if overdosed are deadly, contrary to the common belief that more is better.
Lys tears is a slow acting poison
One could immunize oneself against arsenic by taking a small amount everyday though

wolfbane - is that real?

*Kat glares at Elwyn*

You seem to be a bit of a smartass. However...you are right.

If you would all *she hands EvilClaw back his bag with a smile* open your bags and take out your equipment. I have written for you a recipe for a coma inducing poison which also happens to taste rather nice and so is often used in meals and cocktails.

*She hands out the papers. On it is written...

"
Ginlemonic Draft- Coma Inducing for delayed reaction and accidental death.

Ingredients:
2 tsp feverfew
1 tsp codemine phosphate
1/2 pint akwasuckrastock
3 drops magnacumlaundranum
Vial of hogfatual

Carefully boil the akwasuckrastock, feverfew and codemine together, catching the distilled water in the muslin provided, and stirring four times widershins. Once the mixture has taken the consistency of treacle, remove from the stove (provided) and mix in the vial of hogfatual, taking care not to let it touch the sides of the bowl. Then add the magnacumlaundranum AT THE SAME TIME as stirring the water back in. Keep it warm inside your clothing for five minutes. Your poison is complete"

Now, be careful, be precise, and hopefully we shall see whether your poisons are effective. An unfortunate side-effect of an ill-created
Ginlemonic Draft is that it can cause severe stomach cramps and vomitting once the antidote has been applied. As you will be testing your poisons yourself, I'm sure you don't want that

eh...potions aren't really my style...I'm more of a confuse and strike type...so I'll sit this part out...
*meanders over to yon tree for a sit...*
*checks for ants...don't want to go repeating that again...*

*takes out ingredients and begins work*

*the water boiled in a charming teapot*
*caught the distilled water in a glass flask*
*stirred 4 times counter-clock wise and waited for brew to thicken*
*smiled sweetly at the Vice-Mistress, then frowned*
what does magnacumlaundranum do? Gramps never mentioned this herb (?)

*opens bag, takes out equipment. takes muslin and boils the 2 tsp feverfew, 1 tsp codemine phosphate and 1/2 pint akwasuckrastock together, catches the distilled water. stirs four times widdershins. removes the now treacly mixture from the stove, adds the vial of hogfatual. stirs the water back in whilst adding the 3 drops of magnacumlaundranum. puts inside clothing and waits for 5 min. removes from clothing*

hi

Hi Anole. Have this salad, go on. *adds some of the liquid in his vial to salad* It's salad dressing. A special blend, I made it in that cauldron over there.

Ok...*eats salad...spits out salad* I like meat more than salad but the dressing tastes good even though its some kind of poison

*EvilClaw's cauldron explodes* I didn't do anything really! *EvilClaw turns green* That's not good.

I've finally witnessed what happens when you let rank amateurs loose with a few roots and ingredients. Really, Kat you should leave the brewing and the chemistry to the experts, namely the guild apothecary (bows to approx 10 degrees,anything would show too much respect to those not either head of department or guild leader) and the Labstaff, and ,of course, my elves.

*growing an extra tail* There is a good reason why I didn't take chemistry

*drinks finished potion*

uummm...well...it seems harmless....

*turns into *

well i didn't see that coming...

I rest my case......

*the grows wings*

oooh look!!

*starts flying*

... *raises hand* Kat can we take Black Leopard's potion stuff away from him?

*groans*

Geddon sort them out. Under the new guild rules we'll need more poison workers, not just the chemists...of which there appear to be two. And why on EARTH did they get that wrong? EvilClaw I can understand...but...it was simple!

*groans and walks away to a quiet tree, and opens a book, leaving Geddon to sort out the menagerie that has appeared*

*calls back from tree*

And Geddon, do remember to bow to me properly. I do you the courtesy of being polite, do me the same.

I am finished.
*Elwyn removed vial from clothing, drank the draft, feel over backwards and fainted*