h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*leaps across the training grounds, takes a spin towards cat, accidentally-on-purpose hitting Evilclaw along the way, plus deflecting several tennis balls, arrives at Kat, the result looks like carnage in a demolition derby as he misses and hits a tree*

i'm sorry for the tree

*slams into the tree* Oof! *ignores un-teammanship of MysteriousOne and sword upcuts Kat under the chin* *balls hit him in face* Oof again.

*Elwyn blocked Kat's elbow and BL's stick, but her sticks skidded to the floor when they were knocked out of her loosened grip*
*dove out of the way and for her bundle of sticks, grabbed the sticks and turned to face the commotion*

*still in the middle of a sword/stick uppercut (it looks really cool and I would sketch a picture if I could draw)*

*Kat ducks under...MOWS and EvilClaw, at the same time gliding through Swan on Water, swiping at ankles with her stick, and rolling out of the tightening circle before blowing a whistle and clicking her fingers. The tennis balls stop flying.*

Okay everyone well done. However!! We have been accused of looking like some sort of slapstick comedy! Which is VEERRRYYYY un-assassinlike isn't it!?

You've shown yourselves all reasonably good with the sword, although some more than others. Luckily not everything about being an assassin is about fancy sword-play. Therefore if you could all go over to Shed 3 over there *gestures towards fence* and bring back a bag marked CWG each, being careful not to drop them, and we'll see who is adept at potions. Potions are often the best way of killing discreetly if you are given time, and the best potion creators are given a great deal of respect.

*Kat snaps her fingers and a duck goes to the Shed for her, and another gathers up the sticks*

*goes to shed and returns with CWG*

Was I one of the good swords people (desperate for positive reinforcement)?

*Chuckles* Quite possibly EvilClaw, it depends what you plan to specialise in, now go and get your bag.

I'm a swordsman. I use two short swords. They are good and evil crystallized (don't ask) and only one with a dual personality such as myself can wield them at the same time.

*glares at EvilClaw*

Go and get your bag for potions practice or you'll find out about MY dual personality...go go!

*gets bag* Right.

positive reinforcer, Evilclaw?
Your moves were very cool
*went to shed and brought back a bag of CWG*
Present, Vice-Mistress.
[muttered under breath] Let's assasinate whoever called us unassasin-like.

Thank you everyone for being so swift and cooperative.

Now, does anyone already possess knowledge of potions? Proper potions I mean, not something random *glares around at the group*

What are we making? Hideous poisons?

Fast affecting, slow affecting, painless, painful, non-fatal, fatal, a tequila sunrises

Whee. *looks in bag*

*Grabs EvilClaw's bag out of his hand and gives him a clip round the ear*

Did I tell you you could do that? Now you've already told me that you're a fighter, so I don't expect you to be a poisons master, is ANYONE here adept at poisons or do I have to teach everything myself? As the Head of the Inquisition I am of course perfectly skilled at potions, however I want to see what you can do.

sheeproot causes nausiam and headaches, nightmares if the victim is sensitive
feverfew lower fevers, but if one overdoses could result in a coma
mandrake is a restorative to most poisons
elfbark deaden magic and skills but ease stomach and head aches
courage cake is a combination of honey and carris seed and provides a false sense of strength until the end of the spurt, then you collapse in exhaustion
these are some of the common uses of herbs

*ears flat against head* Sorry.