h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't know what poké ball is either.


*ducks behind a stanchion and waits for a proper explanation to follow the Althian Telekinetic Crib*

*watches the two whatsits curve through the air with a brightly interested expression*

I wouldn't say 'expecting' a battle exactly. But then on the other hand I was a brownie and a girl guide. What can you do? Get them before they are seven, and they will always 'be prepared'.

I got chucked out of the Brownies, and ballet classes too.

I 've got a battery operated Pikachu, it is very cute and says 'Pika, Pika' and other noteable statements when you squeeze it's paw.

*aims the flame at the flying Crib*

The Althian Telekinetic Crib(ATC)

The Althian Telekinetic Crib is a weapon developed by the Althians originally for the transportation of dangerous animals for scientific study. The interests of the Althians tended towards the fantastic, meaning that the cribs were, by necessity, designed to be indestructable and impenetrable. It is assumed that they are partially submerged into another reality, which somehow prevents any mental or magical abilities from damaging or unlocking them.

Over time, it was realized that the Althian Telekinetic Crib had other uses. Some of the more creative Bounty Hunters who came from Althia realized that they could be used for the easy capture and containment of the bounty hunted, because the traps very nearly continue chasing their target until either recalled by their owner, or until they capture them. Their use was also discovered by some of the more succesful baby sitters from a little known planet that has an economy based entirely around tough baby sitting.

The ATC appears, at first, to be a transparent cube that expands to a suitable size for containing any number of entities (the upper limits of the storage space for the ATC is, at this time, unknown). However, due to the possibility that these devices are partially submerged into another reality, their space could theoretically depend on the volume of a pocket dimension. One particularly infamous baby sitting team named Stephanie and Tusk once captured the abominable child of Cthullhu inside an ATC, and managed to shrink it down to a size small enough that it could fit in their pocket until Cthullhu returned from his business.

The ATC has been a weapon used on and around h2g2 island with noteable frequency. Much less frequently than the Polka Gun or Snowzar, but a good deal more frequently than Minos Krylma's one-hit-wonder "The Continuity Gun." Afgncaap5, noted expert on Althian Technology, has claimed to know the inner workings of an ATC to be capable of escaping from one in just a few minutes with the right technology. The STUMPED member known as soeasilyamused (or simply "sea" in the later days) was once given a ring that could instantly open an ATC by Afgncaap5 (the ring is rumored to still have some energy in it). The only h2g2 villains known to use this weapon with great frequency, however, are The Althian Bounty Hunter and Stephanie (her partner Tusk is either incapable of using them for some reason, or simply prefers to let his brute strength do the talking).

For more information, please see the following adventures:
-The one with Stephanie's first appearance at STUMPED (at ezboard during the BBC takeover).
-The one where Affy, GL, et al went to the "Birdhouse In Your Soul Bar 'N' Grill" to locate the Althian Bounty Hunter.
-The one where The Krylma Leader decided to go on vacation and leave STUMPED in the hands of the babysitters Stephanie & Tusk (also known as "The One Where Stephanie Bribed The STUMPED Members With A Pop-Up-Book That Had A Typo In It That Presented A %100 Guaranteed Way Of Conquering The World).
-Various other vague references



How everyone can quickly read that long, drawn out history during the middle of a battle scene, I'll never know.

*Those two cribs continue flying through the air despite the attacks that people aim at them. Bass' ATC is nearly upon him now. Lil's ATC has swerved through the air so that it can see her behind the "sanchion" (station?) and continue its intercept course*

*Another one was thrown early on in the battle. Still waiting for a reaction from the intended target. Dum-de-dum-de-dum-dum-de-dum-da-do-be-do-be-da....*

*sets her nanogun to PACKING PEANUTS* and fires a megaburst into the maw of the Crib*

Let's see how these anti-gravity peanuts mess up your gyros.

*dodges back behind the stanchion*

*Corrupt flees the oncoming crib, Kudos heading off in another direction, and the bouncing crib goes after Kudos*

*The ATC grows and contains the packing peanuts. It follows Lil, growing to a size suitable for containing both her and the packing peanuts*

Zakkry-Didn't this happen during that battle against that SUPer UPS guy?

*The Althian Bounty Hunter nods*

Dang symlpost syndrome....


*The crib gains on Kudos*

*Kudos rummages through his jacket for weaponry, but curses when he only finds the Binary Blaster. Still running, he lets loose a random volley from the blaster.*

*Corrupt watches from a corner, then heads for the transporter, curious to see what those scientists are up to*

*continues to aim the carameliser at crib*

*ducks and rolls*

*The carameliser seems to be having absolutely no effect on the Althian Telekinetic Crib. However, Kudos' Binary Blaster seems to have shocked it a bit. It hovers in the air uncertainly for a moment before returning to the Althian Bounty Hunter, seemingly unsure of what to do*

[Bass teleports to a point /behind/ the crib and fires at it from what, as he materializes, is behind it.]


[Vegeta] [as Bass] "Ah'm gonna pull a Vegeta on yo aft!" [normal] Uh, I mean ...

*Seeing that something he did actually WORKED for once, Kudos starts firing at the other cribs bouncing around in the area.*

*The Binary Blaster seems to be the only weapon having any effect on the Althian Telekinetic Cribs at all (including Bass' teleportation attack). The effect at first seems to be confusion from the ATCs. However, when they realize that all of their problems are being caused by the Binary Blaster, the three in the air all swarm at Kudos, as do three that were merely on the Althian Bounty Hunter's person*

[Bass nods in approval. Treble simply growls at nothing in particular.]

They were going to do this no matter how we arrived.

*thinks a moment, then resets her nanogun to SHIGAWIRE. While the cribs are attacking Kudos, Lil carefully attaches one end of the wireto one of the stanchions, then waits*


Guys, don't get between my gun and that pillar, OK?

[K] GAH!

*somersaults under the cribs, runs in the opposite direction, still blasting away*

*Corrupt very quietly ducks back through the teleporter to see what those scientists are up to*

*nips behind the pillar, out of the way of Lil's wire and has a quick review of her pockets*

Zakkry-You assume that. The questioning could've gone *quite* peacefully!

*So saying, Zakkry jumps into Lil's line of sight hoping to temporarily blind her, and fires his blaster in her direction*

*Meanwhile, a person can't see Kudos for all of the Cribs around him. The Althian Bounty Hunter has also just tossed another Crib at Treble*