h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Bob (aka Skutter 1) enters dragging a long hose behind him*

*No-one notices*

*The far end of the hose is connected to a pump on top of a 5000 litre tank of Military Grey paint in the Paint Store. The other end is connected to a spray gun held in one of Bob's many useful appendages*

*Bob (aka Skutter 1) hangs a notice at the end of the corridor. It reads ......

CAUTION - WET PAINT

(DON'T ASK ME WHY
I'M DOING THIS

ORDERS FROM RIMMER 2)

..... in large friendly letters.*

*Bob (aka Skutter 1) adjusts the nozzle of the spray gun to 'wide fan' the squeezes the trigger. The bulkhead quickly changes colour to Military Grey*

*Using a circular technique, Bob sprays the port bulkhead, the deckhead, the starboard bulkhead and the deck gratings gradually backing down the corridor until the whole corridor has been painted (including all the doors, handles, notices, labels, viewscreens - everything).*

*Bob (aka Skutter 1) hangs a similar notice at the other end of the corridor then leaves looking for more places to paint.*

*steps off elevator into corridor*

WHAT THE SMEG HAS IT DONE?!

IT'S COVERED THE SMEGGING VID SCREENS AND NOW- AW LOOK AT THIS! NOW THE DOOR ARE GOING TO STICK!

WHERE IS HE?!

*storms off down corridor muttering about why he never trusts skutters...*

*steps into corridor with beehive hair intact and with skutter 3*

Holly, bacpack please and expedition uniform...

*clothes change and backpack appears on back*

Skutter.

*Skutter 3 opens floor panel*

Holographic camera. *camera appears in hand*

Holly leave message for the crew saying that I've gone on a tour of the engineering decks.

*climbs down through panel and down ladders... the holographic clunking of feet on the rungs slowly dies away into background noide...*

*skutter 3 follows*

*wanders by*

a tour of the engineering decks?

How bizarre, i wonder what he is up to now

*slinks off*

*runs down from the mess hall*

*stops with a comic skid*

*looks up*

Hmm. *looks at green wibbly thing*

Hmm.

*wonders if she should prod it*

*throws a curry at it*

*curry disappears*

*runs back screaming to the messhall*

What the smeg is that thing?

*walks tentatively back*

I don't want to know.

I just want it dead.

It's a green wibbly thing, obviously.

Yes, but do we want a green wibbly thing here?

Yes, but do we want a green wibbly thing here?

Dunno. What does it do, apart from wibble?

It ate my curry.

Well it looks like the same thing that Kryten killed in the Hangar... you remember.. the metal eating Thing?

Well if you ask me *looks up at Thing*...

*runs away to hiding place*

*wonders what to do*

*screams*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Hmm, well if it's going around stealing people's curry, then it's got to go. It might start on my beer . Any ideas for getting rid of it? I mean, we could ask it nicely, but...

Um... we could shout at it and sue it?

Let's prod it with sticks, push it in the general direction we want it to go...

*reveals two poking sticks and hands one over*

To the air lock!

*begins prodding*

*opens doors*

Anyone need a lift anywhere...say...to safety<?>

This BGWT seems to be rather dumb- doesn't understand the prodding-in-direction idea at all . Sod it, anyone got a blaster, it'll make a mess, but I'm sure the skutters can deal with that.