h2g2 enter the Football League!
Created | Updated Mar 21, 2005
I Have a Small Confession To Make
OK, so there's this game - utterly addictive to football fans and statistics collectors alike1 called Championship Manager. The aim is simple: select a football team from any of 16 leagues around the world and, through diligent application of knowledge and shrewd managerial ability, guide them to fame and glory.
For those that have beaten the game on countless occasions, or those who just have to fiddle with things2, there is a wonderful 'Edit' feature attached to the game, where you can create your own players with their own statistics. However, I don't have enough friends to fill a 30-man football squad, and besides it's surprisingly hard to make up nearly 50 statistics for every player without turning them into either a deadbeat loser or a superman.
So, this is where h2g2 came in. Under the thinly-veiled disguise of my brother's Psychology experiment3, I created a questionnaire from which the answers would roughly correspond to the necessary statistics, thereby allowing me for once to create a realistic team. Using my extensive knowledge of the game, I have assigned each player to the position where they can use their 'skills' to best advantage.
Obviously, I couldn't just ask you "How good are you at football?", because most of you don't play; therefore, I have been nicely unbiased in my team selection (apart from the fact that Championship Manager automatically assumes you are all male. Sorry 'bout that.)
A Serious Bit
I realise that by storing such details, I am probably in a minor contravention of the Data Protection Act, and if anyone asks me to delete their details, I will of course do so. However, it really is only a bit of fun, and I won't be misusing anyone's responses in any other ways.
For the participants, and anyone else who's vaguely interested, if you want to watch the progress of the team, then subscribe to this page, and I will post various updates as appropriate.
Here are the team, and a few vital statistics from their first, successful, season:
| Name | Strengths | Assigned Position | First-Team Appearances (as Sub) | Goals | Assists | Average Rating /10 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Master B | Influence, Technique | Left Back | 57 | 2 | 8 | 7.16 |
| Queeglesproggit | Flair, Jumping, Set Pieces | Goalkeeper | 58 | 0 | 0 | 7.31 |
| Titania | Stamina, Determination | Forward | 46 (5) | 5 | 10 | 6.90 |
| 2legs | Stamina, Tackling | Utility Defender | 17 (2) | 0 | 2 | 6.70 |
| Ellen | Agility, Balance | Attacking Midfielder/Forward | 53 (1) | 17 | 2 | 6.96 |
| Pencil Queen | Positioning, Teamwork | Right Wing-Back | 1 (4) | 0 | 0 | 6.80 |
| Belle | Bravery, Teamwork | Defensive Midefielder | 50 (3) | 6 | 7 | 6.75 |
| Chris | Set Pieces, Jumping | Attacking Midfielder/Left Wing | 11 | 1 | 0 | 6.64 |
| Oom Foofoo | Anticipation, Passing | Striker | 58 | 21 | 5 | 7.48 |
| Flanker | Heading, Balance, Off The Ball | Defender | 39 (8) | 3 | 9 | 6.77 |
| Psychocandy | Pace, Technique | Defensive Midfielder | 8 (12) | 0 | 0 | 6.45 |
| Ferino | Determination, Pace, Stamina | Goalkeeper | 0 (4) | 0 | 0 | 6.25 |
| Mother of God | Balance, Flair | Centre Back | 53 | 2 | 8 | 7.16 |
| 3 of 8 | Determination, Stamina | Utility | 0 (2) | 0 | 0 | 6.00 |
| Temporal Bandit | Jumping, Work Rate | Right Back | 19 | 1 | 2 | 6.58 |
| GreyDesk (LeBureauGris) | Passing, Creativity | Central Midfield | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| Perseus | Set Pieces, Finishing | Right Wing | 58 | 10 | 9 | 7.14 |
| Bob the Farmer | Crossing, Flair | Winger | 9 (22) | 1 | 2 | 6.77 |
| Six7s | Bravery, Teamwork | Striker | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| Hebe | Determination, Stamina | Defender | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| J'au-aemnne | Off The Ball | Defensive Midfielder/Wing-Back | 0 (1) | 0 | 0 | 7.00 |
| Dolt | Technique, Pace | Striker | 33 (1) | 11 | 5 | 6.98 |
| Bagpuss | Agility, Off The Ball | Right Back | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| Ekki4 | Aggression, Pace, Tackling | Forward | 21 (1) | 5 | 2 | 6.76 |
| Blatherskite | Influence, Bravery | Goalkeeper/Forward | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| Broelan | Acceleration, Pace | Centre Back | 46 | 4 | 1 | 6.77 |
| AEndr | Work Rate | Defensive Midfielder | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| Cleo | Set Pieces | Central Midfielder | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| Egon | Marking | Specialist Man-Marker | 0 | 0 | 0 | - |
| Madent | Finishing | Winger/Forward | 1 (2) | 0 | 0 | 6.00 |
...And please give a big hand to our new summer signings: Sneijder, Rooftiler, Number Six and Uncle Heavy.
Apologies to those who filled in the questionnaire but were too late to get a team place, although special mention should be made of:
- Noggin The Nog, who was deemed too old to be playing professional football, but gained a well-earned place on the coaching staff5.
- Gnomon, whose back garden was selected from a host of applicants to be the team's new playing ground. It has now had a 15,000-seater stadium built on it.
- Kaz, who gave up halfway through the questionnaire with the words: "This survey is just like loads I had to do at Uni". Very perceptive, Kaz!
