h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[PROBABLY KRYTEN]

"You can't judge a book by it's cover."

[LISTER]
And you can't confuse Rimmer with a book. For a start - a book's got a spine!

CAT: So what was it like being a gerbil?

LISTER: Well, it was better than being a chicken. I mean have you seen the size of an egg? And have you seen the size of a chicken's bum? I was trying to say in chicken language "For God's sake get me an epidural!"


And:

"Of course - lager! The only thing that will kill a vindaloo!"

"It's a small, off-duty, czechoslovakian traffic warden!"

Not a quote, but the pockets of unreality bit was hilarious.

('Backwards', but when run forwards...)

" You are a stupid, square headed, bald git, aren't you? I'm pointing at you, I'm pointing at you, but I'm not actually addressing you. I'm addressing the one prat in the country who's bothered to get hold of this recording, turn it round and actually work out the rubbish that I'm saying! What a poor sad life HE'S GOT! Frankly, your act's crap anyway, anybody could have done it... I hate the lot of you, b******s to you!"

Love that Arthur Smith line

Caper Plip

LISTER: We used to go fishing all the time back home. We used to go in the canal - no fish in there. We used to go condom fishing.

CAT: I don't wanna be Duane Dibbley!

RIMMER "... and my cologne is Eau de Yak Urine"

"Hey, this is mine. That's mine. All this is mine. I'm claiming all this as mine. Except that bit. I don't want that bit. But all the rest of this is mine. Hey, this has been a really good day. I've eaten five times, I've slept six times, and I've made a lot of things mine. Tomorrow, I'm gonna see if I can't have s*x with something."

I am Holly, the ships onboard computer, i have an iq of 6000, thats equivalent to 6000 P.E. teachers



my pe teacher didnt like it

"How come you need more memory? Over the years you've had more RAM than a field of sheep!."

LISTER: What can you do with only one arm and 15 minutes more life???

CAT: Have half a juggling lesson?

This was on the other night:

"!tog s'eh efil das roop a tahW !gniyas m'I taht hsibbur eht tuo krow yllautca dna dnuora ti nrut ,gnidrocer siht fo dloh teg ot derehtob s'ohw yrtnuoc eht ni tarp eno eht gnisserdda m'I ?I ma uoy gnisserdda yllautca ton m'I tub uoy ta gnitniop m'I"