h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Is that too many 'ism's now? Can we cope with Monty Python, Eddie Izzard and Red Dwarf?

I once had a friend who thought his name was Rameses Niblick the Third, Kerplunk kerplunk whoops! Where's my Thribble?

'i'm so excited all 6 of my nipples are tingling!' sayeth the

No Lister, what seperates us from the animals is that we don't use our tongues to clean our own genitals.

Dwayne Dibley?!

Liam.

Rimmer: Oh yeah? Well, as the Esperanto would say, "Bonvoro alsendi la pordiston, lausajne estas rano en mia bideo!" And I think we all know what that means.
Holly: Yes, it means, "Could you send for the hall porter, there appears to be a frog in my bidet."

Cat: I'm so hungry, I could eat a whole chicken!!

Lister: Ssshh, Rimmer's Dad's died.

Cat: I'd prefer a chicken.

Its an orange swirly thing, but I'd hate to commit myself at this stage...

or something to that effect!

Holly : "And the moral of the story is Appreciate what you've got because basically I'm fantastic"

Cat: About your father. If it's any help, he's in the ground now. Sure, it's bad news for him. But on the other hand, it's party time for all those little worms!

Cat: I'm gonna die. I've been fished to death!


and... Look out! Food escape!

From one of the books, can't remember the exact quote...


"Can you hear anything?" asked Rimmer.

Kryten could hear nothing, apart from an overweight, asthmatic beetle crawling up the wall two floors below. So as not to complicate matters, he said "No - I can't hear anything."

Dave Lister: We don't like muffins around here! We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and definitely no smegging flapjacks!

Toaster: Aah, so you're a waffle man!

I'd quote some of the Space Corp directives, but I can't remember the numbers!

That's okay, just put them without the numbers!

"Crew members with false teeth should not attempt to have sex in zero gravity"

I found this one from Google

Rimmer: That's it I'm invoking space corp directive 6_8_2_5_0

Kryten: 6_8_2_5_0? But sir, surely thats impossible without at least one live chicken and a raabi.

Rimmer: Forget it. Forget I was ever born.

Kryten: But sir, I'm very happy to perform the ceremony, but I'm bewildered as to how sacrificing poultry will clear up the screen problem.

Rimmer: We can't afford to take any chances. Jump up to red alert.

Kryten: Are you sure, sir? It does mean changing the bulb.

"NOW....."

**the only line of Shakespeare Rimmer can quote**

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HOLLY: He's dead, Dave. Everybody's dead. Everybody is dead, Dave!

LISTER: Wait. Are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?

Actually, my favourite is just to quote..

"SMEEEEEEEE..... SMEEEEEE HEEEEEEEE"

Oh smeg! What the smegging smeg's he smegging done? He's smegging killed me.

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