The Theory of Chocolate

Professor Dongle Splogge of the Department of Pointless Theories, puts yet another pointless theorem to the Scientific Institute. The theory of chocolate.

Chocolate, he writes, has nothing to do with life. It is a cocoa-based sugar product with no relevance whatsoever. Its popularity was only boosted by the fact that it is an addictive drug which spreads immediately to parties surrounding it.

One person who wished to remain anonymous recounted the phrase, 'Life is like a box of chocolate. You never know what you're going to get.' This does not make sense. You know what you'll get with a box of chocolate as the average human being with a brain capacity of an acorn always looks on the back. I mean:

...what a shock it would be to the chocolate connoisseur if they just dipped their hand in and got a Brazil nut chocolate! In true honesty, the chocolate-coated strawberries taste far better than Brazil nut chocolates1.

Professor Dongle Splogge is still waiting for his application to the Committee that processes these theories to be accepted.

Who am I?

I don't quite know. After moving around so much around Blighty the average person tends to become a little mixed.

I am a jack-of-all-trades, in the weakest sense possible. I am a literary psycho, writing stories which pass the boundary of storywriting and stop off at the pub of imagination. I play a few musical instrumentssmiley - . Sportwise, I like playing badminton and tennis. I like watching football, cricket and smiley - smiley - smiley - smiley - (Wimbledon is obviously a pet favourite of mine) as well. smiley - are nice as well!

smiley - smiley - smiley -


smiley - smiley -

Meet my bouncing fish!

Well, I have smiley - who are very sweet and get along well with each other. Some are big, some are small. They just swim, and never get trawled!

That's about it!

Edited Guide Entries! Yay!

Here is where you can see all the Edited Entries that I have worked on, the solo ones and the collaborative ones that I wrote a large chunk of!


smiley - - Games
smiley - - Sport
smiley - - TV
smiley - - Books
smiley - - Science
smiley - - Biography
smiley - - Film
smiley - - Music
smiley - - Other

smiley - Lemmings
smiley - Badminton
smiley - The Crystal Maze
smiley - The Three Musketeers
smiley - The Ashes
smiley - The Picture of Dorian Gray
smiley - Sonic the Hedgehog
smiley - Norse Mythology Summary
smiley - New Balls Please
smiley - Lawn Tennis
smiley - Weathering
smiley - Knightmare
smiley - Knightmare Characters
smiley - The Gormenghast Trilogy
smiley - Chinese Whispers
smiley - Tennis Tantrums
smiley - smiley - Bend it Like Roberto Carlos
smiley - Pride and Prejudice
smiley - Red Letter
smiley - Sense and Sensibility
smiley - Lord Byron - Childish Recollections
smiley - Lord Byron - Almost Famous
smiley - Lord Byron - Bittersweet Fame
smiley - Lord Byron - Live Fast, Die Young
smiley - Twenty Years Later
smiley - Frankenstein
smiley - The Vampyre: A Tale
smiley - Surviving Slasher/Splatter Horror Films
smiley - Thomas Hardy - Author and Poet
smiley - The Return of the Native
smiley - smiley - The Cure
smiley - England's Barmy Army

The Post! Go-go-go!

Here are some of the articles that I've written specifically for h2g2's own virtual weekly newspaper!

smiley - A Hedgehog's Holiday
smiley - The Council of Elrond - The Director's Cut
smiley - The h2g2 Poem - Floppy Disks and Toilets

Book of the Future!

I only wrote one Entry for this DNA site, but it was enough to get into the actual book!

smiley - Rubber Ducks

Clubs and Societies

I'm in far too many to list here.

So I list them here.


Only found on h2g2...

On the subject of 42:

1+(8+0-8)+41 = 42


1+8+0-8+41 = 42

And I worked it all out by myself!smiley -

h2g2 Code

Version 1.1
RGB Y+ N++ SB+ V
E+>++ PR++ p++>+++ a++ B++ TV+@
r+>++ D>++ T- nh C++ m>+ t

When I think of something, perhaps I'll shall write an introduction for this DNA site.

But I have written an article for Book of the Future... if you love bathtime rubber ducks, then have a look at their rather bleak future...smiley - over here and rate it!

For now, pop over to my H2G2 Personal Space here to see who I am...

1But chocolate-coated strawberry-flavoured Brazil nuts - perhaps.


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