h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Doctors who lecture me for a good five minutes on 'healthy eating' and weight loss and exercise and simply do not seem able to hear me saying 'I'VE LOST TWO STONE SINCE APRIL! I"M ALREADY DOING IT!'.

Nope, they've got their little lecture prepared and nothing short of a slap will hush them. It's so rude. It's treating me like a moron who didn't understand a word they said last time, in which case why have I lost two stone? Why do they never say 'I see you're losing weight. Well done.'

Sorry. I normally refuse to talk about weight etc. as I can't help but feel it's a little beneath my dignity, but I am still hopping mad and I saw the Doc. on Friday.

Christmas Hampers adverts on tv advertising a hamper for next year... I will now commence making high pitch squealing and tearing at ones head

The fact that I have to endure arduous exercise to prevent myself from ballooning up.

People who carry umbrellas and get as close to you as they would normally, forcing you to either dodge out of their way or just be as ignorant as they are and barge past them, knocking the umbrella aside. Someone actually had the audacity to have a go at me because I knocked their umbrella aside when a piece of metal was going for my eye

People who make 'funny noises' to accompany their yawns.

There was this woman on the train this morning... every bleedin 2 minutes

The way the calluses on my fingers seem to soften every time I have a shower.

That gross feeling you get of your face being all greasy when you've just woken up from a nap.

Spots.

The BBC's ploicy for scheduling Buffy

The way people slice peppers--even after I've *told* them it's inefficient.

Any idiot should realise that it's best to slice a pepper in half lengthwise. That way, the stalk and seeds can be removed in one quick movement with no wastage, and the pepper is the perfect shape to be cut into strips.

Yet most people will either hack wedges out of the side in an interminably slow and fiddly way, or they'll slice the top off and then cut the pepper into rings, scattering the seeds everywhere in the process.

What's the *matter* with you pepper-slicing people? Jeez.

I have a different method but hey, that'll work

Going back to the yawning thing - any melodramatic bodily noises - we all know we all do it, but there's no need to compete

(Well, there is one circumstance it would be acceptable but this is a family show

Televised snooker. If you want to watch a snooker match, go down the pub with some mates and get a drink while you're at it.

People spitting,it makes me wretch

"The next........"

A popular one at the moment is to try and market new singers as 'the next Frank Sintra'

A common offender is the labelling of anyone who can kick a ball in the right direction as 'the next George Best', and calling any group from Sweden who can string a few notes together as 'the next ABBA'.

The problem with slicng lengthwys method is that you have to work around the stalk or to the side of it which can be just as awkward and messy.
My method is to slice the top off close to the stalk, then you can grab the centre plus pips with one swoop of the hand and discard. No mess or fuss at all and you even have the option of rings - far more interesting if in a salad than boring strips.........
Anyway - back to petty hates. My vote is for people who spend half an hour eating a satsuma/tangerine because they have to remove the harmless and probably nutritious white pithy strips that cling to the sides. WHY ?

People who compare the Clash to The Sex Pistols.

Dear me, Citizen S. Tch, tch, tch. There really is no hope for you, is there?

You see, the *middle* of the pepper can be made into rings, but the top and bottom--what about those, eh? They're completely the wrong shape to make into rings. Granted, your seed removal technique has merit, but my way is still the best way.

As to the tangerines, I dispute that the pithy stuff is in any way nutritious. And if I wanted to chew something 930 times per mouthful, I'd buy chewing gum.

There are some people who just can't tolerate roughage, y'know

For doing strips I use Ken Hom's method - taking a huge cleaver, take off the top and bottom, then a little slice down the one side to give the pepper a flat edge. Lying it on the chopping board you can then slide the blade of the cleaver through the opening, between the pips and guff in the middle and the bit you want to eat and as you do so, the flatness of the cleaver means the whole thing magically unrolls for you, discard the pips and you have one, very long, unrolled pepper to cut into whatever bits you want (chunks, thick strips, julienne...)


Ok, ok, so it doesn't work for rings but I was a tudent for 5 years, stir fries were a big part of that

Eh ? Don't know what you mean about chewing ? No extra effort required. Goes down with everything else.......
Pepper ends are easy - I just chop up into baby squares and scatter over salad/add to rice/pasta.
It's called flair.

Scrambled eggs/ omelettes/ pancakes that have the eggy part undercooked. I hate raw egg.