h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Speakers in cars.

Usually, the volume control is at the front, for the driver to reach, and the speakers are at the back. In order for the driver to hear the radio, the back passengers must be deafened. And somehow, I'm always the one in the back.

Doors that don't open when you push the handle and try to open them. They're not locked either. What happens is, either someone comes up to them and pulls them, in which case, why a handle not one of those litle metal strips with "push" written on them? Or, alternatively, they come up to them and the door opens. Like they're door wizards or something.

Snail mail - I use the phrase, and it's often for me!
Jimmy the (lazy) nugget says people who when giving URLs say 'dub,dub,dub.'
He minds, I don't - haha!
People who loathe things that don't bother me.

The song 'Thank heaven for little girls'

About the URL thing: we say "wubbleyou" in this house. Saves time and doesn't sound like a boyscouts' meeting.

The way some firms use large billboards with things like "adidas.com" discretely put on the bottom. It might not be www!

Brummies have a habit of ending sentences with "but..." or "so..."

(I should know, I am one )

Upspeak.

People who chew gum in my high school theater when we have signs posted everywhere saying, "Please, no food, no drinks, no gum." After four years helping out as an usher and gum-collector (we have to watch for people chewing gum and make them spit it out into a paper cup, along with asking people to finish their food outside), I can recognize a person chewing gum all the way across a theater, even when the lights are dimmed. I wouldn't care, if they would just keep their gum to themselves, but no, they have to stick it on the seat or the floor, and guess who gets to clean it up?
This petty hate extends to other theaters as well; there have been times when I've had to stop myself from going up to someone in a theater lobby at intermission to make him/her spit the gum out into my hand. (Yes, I AM weird, did you notice?)

Sounds like you've been wanting to get that off your chest for a while.

Officious gauleiters who enforce unneeded rules. Like the colour of socks I must wear to school.

Pop stars with pathetic made up stories about how they were accidentally discovered.

Purlease!

There was one in Metro paper today. She reckons she was visiting someone in hospital and someone came up to her and said 'you look like a singer'. Then she went into the studio 'and it all went from there'.

Yazz was another one. She reckoned she was modelling on a video shoot and the singer was taken ill and she had to stand-in and was discovered.

I hear another one where they reckoned they were singing in the bath and a famous producer rang her mum as a wrong number and heard her singing in the background.

Related to that, MuseSusan - people who ignore sings that say 'Cell phones must be switched off in the classroom', who take calls during class, and who sit there loudly telling their caller and everyone else in the room, their problems!

That should be "people who ignore *signs*, of course.

The way far too many people eat crisps. (That's 'chips' to you Americans out there.)

They chuck them into their mouth, one after the other in rapid succession, chewing nineteen-to-the-dozen with their mouth open, like a rabbit with a loudspeaker; then, when the packet's empty, they will suddenly remember to swallow the huge mass of soggy crisp at the back of their throat, with a sound like someone swallowing a bullfrog. And if that's not enough, they'll spend the next ten minutes sucking salt off their fingers with enough lip-smacking to form the soundtrack to a bad porn film.

When someone eats crisps like this (and nearly everyone does it), I can't focus on anything else. I must sit still and listen through the whole packet, praying that one packet will be enough for them.

I am considering starting a campaign to criminalise the eating of crisps in public.

You know that sound that trains make? A low level sound of the wheels going round, then the occasional "KERCHOO-KERCHUM"?

People who answer phones, with that racket in the background, and insist on announcing to the whole carriage: "YEAH I'M ON THE TRAIN. CAN YOU HEAR ME?".

The thing i hate most about crisps is the really strong smell They taste ok, but they don't half pong. And i wish people would wash there hands afterwards(rubbing on trousers does not suffice)
Nothing worse than a crisp eater going round handling things and transfering their greasy, smelly fingerprints onto everthying

Then you'll join my worthy campaign?

Oh yes indeedy- a war against crisp eaters.. or W.A.C.E.

Fingernails. They trap dirt and they won't stop growing.

That little flap of skin on your thumb, and you try to pull it off because it's annoying you, but what happens instead is it just gets bigger and goes down into the live flesh, and really really hurts.