h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A couple of weeks ago we had to go into town on a saturday to pick up a child's friend so he could come and play for the day and do various other bits and pieces.

I decided, since it wasn't far to the car park and it was all downhill, that I could make it to the car by the time Hubby went to WH Smith with the boys, shopped in the supermarket and returned.

a couple of yards from the car a large wasp divebombed me and actually hung around buzzing next to my ear.
I have an unreasoning terror of wasps getting into my ears (don't ask ) and I had seen my son standing outside the car, well within earshot, so I automatically threw one arm over the top of my head, so the shoulder was covering one ear and my hand the other, closed my eyes tightly and screamed "Ringwraith, Ringwraith, help me. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Unfortunately not only had I forgotten i had an elbow crutch attached to that arm (was still leaning on the other one), but also the child had got into the car and could no longer hear me.

A passing couple took their lives in their hands, approached the raving lunatic, and asked if they could help.

The wasp, meanwhile, had slunk off...

Argon0 - I've been drifting away several times down stream in a big tire, and always got freezing cold, when- lo and behold- I came close to the bank, which just happened to have blackberry or some other kind of thorny bush growing on it, and therefore got scratched viciously by the thorns. Being frozen stiff always makes it more painful, and also harder to move away from the wretched things.

Talking about : A few of us in the office have got into the habbit of singing out loud... Which can get embarrassing... (depending on who walks into the department while we are in full flow)

Continuing the theme...

I've been taking singing lessons for a few months, and one of the warm-ups I've been doing uses alliterative phrases such as 'touch your toes' or 'wear a wig'. I was discussing one of these, which is particularly tongue-twisting with my office-mates yesterday, when my feline-loving senior person walked into the office. She quite distinctly heard me saying "I'm getting quite good at singing 'kick a cat' now"

Can I have the full lyrics for that DD ..... I have a use for it over at the Cathouse

I could use it at home. My 's driving me nuts.
The other day 2 friends of mine came to visit. They wanted to see my new place. I was toatlly unprepared (boxes, naked husband in the shower, dirt, mess), and so we've gone to one of them.
Yes, we are messy.

I'm afraid it's not all that exciting...

To the tune of the William Tell overture:

Kick a cat, kick a cat, kick a cat cat cat
Kick a cat, kick a cat, kick a cat cat cat
Kick a cat, kick a cat, kick a cat cat cat
Kick a CAT [hold the note for a while for dramatic effect]
Kick a cat cat cat

Rather difficult, though. If you don't concentrate, it comes out as kitty kat, or kick a kack or some other permutation.

David

My boss just watched me post complete nonsense to another thread, after creeping up on me....

Don't you just love it when they do that...

More singing...

I remember this from my childhood - learning to sing at school (I could enunciate this perfectly, but was always hopelessly out of tune):

Copper kettles carry comfort kiliing cough and cold
Tinkers take their time at tea until their tales are told

All very well in the environs of a singing lesson at school, but tends to attract odd looks from passersby if you sing it whilst walking down the street...and still hopelessly out of tune

Ok, i have quite a few, but my most recent embarressing moment was yesterday when when i was out i went in2 my bag 2 get my bottle of diet coke & when i pulled it out there was a sanitery towel sticking to it.....lmao...... very embarrassing!!! I can't believe i just told u that!!

I must add!!! It was indead a clean one.....Just to clear up any confusion!!!

This is one of many embarrasing incidents. I'm going back to when my daughter was 4 yrs old (she's 25 now).
Anyway this particular evening ,my husband (at the time) and i were having this dinner party, not something i was in agreement with, as it meant having "posh" strangers in my house. It was an attempt on my ex husbands part to influence his boss.
My daughter was tucked up in bed, so i thought.
We all sat down to dinner, Mr & Mrs snooty talking like they were royalty. My ex looking particularly nervous and me with the hump!!.
Sudddenly my little girl came strutting into the room, wearing one of my dresses draped round her, plastered in my make-up.....and hanging of each ear...two tampons, unwrapped!! Claiming she wanted to come and have dinner too aaawww bless. She then said to Mrs snooty "Look do you like my earrings?"

OK long story........takes deep breath...

I work on a hospital children's ward and one day a display of flowers arrived shaped like a train complete with tender and a carriage. It had been a tribute at the funeral of a man who used to make model trains for kids to ride on. Unfortunately it was mostly black and purple and quite morbid looking, really funereal. Anyway, the staff working that day (led by me!) decided that it was a bit too gloomy for the children on the ward to be looking at so we decided to dispose of it by breaking it up and jamming it into a couple of bin bags. We had just finished the painful task when the phone rang, I answered it and found myself talking to the poor departed man's widow who had realised that nobody had taken any pictures of the fantastic train tribute and she wondered if she could come up to the ward to take a few!.......a short pause later (while everyone not on the phone fell off their chairs laughing)I found myself calmly explaining that the pesky kids had got at it and damaged it so it wasn't in any fit state for pictures.

So just in the vain chance that anyone reading this was involved in any way.....I heartily apologise!

There I feel better now!

this thread is a bit like a confessional isn't it ..... nothing like a spot of catharsis to make you feel better.

Beats the normal "poo" stories we get from Hospital folk

Ah now, don't get me started.

oh go on tell us

I had a meeting with the midwife the other day, and she was filling up a registary form to send to the hospital I am to give birth in. She's asked for my name and details of such sort and then reached the part about my husband, and asked me if he's my next of kin. I told her, "no, we're not related in any way, and in fact, I don't have any relatives in this country". She looks up at me from the form, all confused, and asks - "well, who should I write down as your next of kin?" Just as I was going to give her my mother's phone number in Israel, it dawned on me what she was asking...
I just mumbled "eh, right, my husband, sorry..." and went on from there.