h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Way back in my teens (and, yes, Granny can reach back that far into her memory sometimes) I was walking to the local shops with a friend and we were joined along the way by a girl who was a year ahead of us at school.

We did not know her very well, but fell into idle chatter as we walked. On rounding a corner we saw a local "character" approaching us, well known by my friend and myself as a bit of an "oddball" but harmless enough. Joking to our acquaintance I said: "I never know if this one is a man or a woman", to which came the quiet reply: "That's my mother!".

Oh quick! Hole, ground, open, swallow!

UG

Quite embarassingly I've not got anything to add at the moment!

I actually picked up the Michelle McToken single, just to see if it needed to be a double CD, and, somebody from my old school saw me.
Believe me, that IS embarrasing.

I telephoned the Open University to pay my tuition fees today, and the person on the other end told me they couldn't give me the details of how much I owed, as under Data Protection they can only give those details to the person concerned. Which is fair enough. Except... I am/was the person concerned. Luckily, I knew the amount owing anyway, and half way through paying, I realised the block at Walton Hall thought I was my mum or wife, paying on my behalf! I don't know who was more embarassed, me or him.

David

Of course, I was talking to a bloke, not a block.

No, really, you meant block.

or was it blockhead!?

How ironic

I've spoken to men over the phone who have very high voices and I do feel sorry for them when I realise I've made the mistake dozens and dozens of people have probably already made. I've given up being embarrassed about it, though - they're miles away and can't see me!!

When I hang up, it often occurs to me that the name they mumbled at the beginning was their first and last name, presumably in the hope that I would understand and wouldn't call someone called Roland "Madam". If they know this is likely to happen, they ought to practise saying their name more clearly. The same with women with deep voices (had a colleague like that once)

This reminds me of one of the worst stories that ever happened to me. Back when I was a kid I had a friend who had developed the strange habit of greeting me with all kinds of insults whenever he called and I picked up the phone. This developed into a kind of ritual and one day I decided to get back at him in kind. So I called him and when he picked up, I said: 'Hey you f****** jerk-o**, how are you?'
Only it wasn't him. It was his mother.

For my first job after college I had to travel by plane every week out of state. ... flying out on Sunday and back home on Friday. After flying for a while and a few commercial airline crashes, I started to become quite afraid of flying. On one flight I wanted to turn off my overhead light, but I couldn't reach the button (I'm a little short and this particular plane had higher ceilings.) I didn't want to take off my seat belt (for safety reasons???) so I asked the person next to me to turn off the light (he was taller than I.) It turns out he was blind and had a bit of difficulty finding the button. I felt like such an idiot ... who asks a blind man to turn off the light???

When I was very small, I used to get my S's and F's mixed up.

On holiday with my family and a couple of mum's friends, I was building sandcastles and mum's friends pam took me to a shop on the front to get some flags to put in the castle. I ran back along the beach, yelling at the top of my lungs,
"Mum, look, auntie pam got me some sl*gs"

Imagine their horror!

nope, still nothing to add...

I'm so glad this thread is still running at the mo i'm guilt free, but i'm sure i will do something over the next few days. Keep them coming it makes me laugh!

Just Willow, you really sucked up there!

Nope, despite being one of the clumsiest persons on the planet, all I have managed to knock over in the last couple of days was a of water... Which didn't even damage anything!

Has anyone ever got onto a crowded bus, asked for the ticket, put hand in jeans pocket, pulled out money, and accidentally flicked all her tampons all over the bus floor? No? Just me then. Damn.

Reddyfreedy, In my defense, I was only about 4.

My mum! Seriously, we went shopping one saturday afternoon when I was about 16 and wandering round a packed shoe shop, I was over one side of the shop, mum was at the other and I heard her calling me so looked over.
She waved a boot in the air that had some sort of rubbery but floppy bit at the top and yelled: "Look, femidom boots!"

I walked out of the shop and died under a dustbin! (I really stormed out of the shop and carried on with my shopping alone!)

As revenge for that, we were walking round Boots on a saturday and I yelled across the shop to her while she was talking to an old lady, "Hey Bren, they have that cream for your crabs, it'll stop the inflamation and itching!"

Strangely, she never tried to embarrass me after that!

She also tripped over her shopping trolley and landed, sprawled out in tthe road in front of cars waiting at a red light!!!

just d in the middle of an Exchange course at a Joke from on here...

What's Grey and powdery?

Instant Elephant..