h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My CO used to ...um...grab his "package" in public. He wasn't the most attractive man alive, so it was quite understandable, that even with the slightest self-awareness, he'd know he shouldn't bother.
It was extremely hard to concentrate during his briefings, though. I always wished he would just sit down BEHIND his desk...

My most embarassing moment happened when I was a teenager, and is a fairly minor incident, but for some reason it has hung around in my memory and still makes me hang my head in shame.

Up until I was university age, I spent every summer at my parents cottage. There was a whole gang of kids my age whose parents also had cottages on the same bay and we all hung out together. There were 7 of us: 2 girls and 5 boys. The girl that I liked best (Doris) was going out with my best friend (Dave), so I had set my sights on the other girl (Pat).

Well, one day Pat and I were going to walk to the store, which was about a half-hour walk each way. None of the others wanted to go, but Doris said her mom needed a litre of milk. So we stopped by Doris' cottage and got the money from her mom and went on our way.

When we returned, Pat went on to her cottage while I took the milk down to Doris' cottage. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer, so I went in. This cottage was a one room affair, with the door in the centre of one wall, the kitchen to the left of the door and the beds to the right. Directly across from the door was the fridge and directly to the left was the kitchen table. The door itself opened to the right. I walked in, put the change on the table and walked across the room to the fridge. I opened the fridge and went to put the milk in, but there was an opened litre of milk already in there. So, intending to put the new litre at the behind it, I took out the opened litre and put in the new litre. As I was about to put back the opened litre, I suddenly realized how hot and thirsty I was, after walking an hour in the sun. I hesitated a moment, then opened the carton and drank some milk directly from the carton. As I closed the carton and was putting it back in the fridge, laughter burst out behind me. I whirled around and saw Dave and Doris sitting on the bed to the right of the door. I hadn't seen them when I walked in, because the door blocked my view of that corner of the cabin, and I had gone directly over to the fridge without looking around.

Well, I was very embarassed and fumbled in my mind for something to say. And here's where I made things infinately worse. I blurted out: "Pat told me to do it." Then fled.

Pat told me to do it? It doesn't even make sense!

Anyway, not much was made of the whole thing and I'm sure it was forgotten pretty quickly by those involved, but it still makes me cringe, 25 years later.

Okay, here's another one, that also happened to me when I was a teenager.

There was this girl in my school who was absolutely gorgeous. But she was way out of my league, hanging out with a group of the elite cool set. Anyway, I was pretty cocky in those days and had a lot of nerve, so I somehow managed to introduce myself to her and ask her out. To my amazement, she said yes!

So, on the Friday night, I took her rollerskating, which was very popular at that time. We had a fine time and as I was walking her home, holding her hand, I was thinking about how wonderful life was and how I couldn't be happier.

Then I felt a fart coming. I pinched it back, but a few minutes later it returned stronger. After repeating this cycle a few times, I realized that I would have to do something. I decided that I would try to let it seep out quietly. I judged my moment, then relaxed the muscles holding it in, ever so slightly, and...

BBBBBRRRRRAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

It couldn't have been much louder. Now, in other company, I would have been quite proud of that one, but in this company, I just said a sheepish "excuse me", and silently cursed my fate.

Fortunately, she didn't hold it against me. She was my girlfriend for a good 6 months or so (a long time at that age).

Oh, I guess you'll find out sooner or later, so I might as well tell you:

This happened when I was teenager. A couple of months ago I was at a national contest for big bands. I play the trumpet, and I had lay my eyes on a quite nice saxohpon player in another band. So when were about to start, I had to pass him and his friends to get to my trumpet, so I quite casually walked up to the instruments, quite casually bent over to collect mine, and --

RII-IIIITSH!!!

My uniform trouser was never too tight. In fact, they were some of my most comfortable clothes. I guess they had just decided to rip open, fall to the ground and expose my pink knickers just at the right point!

The nice saxophon player and his friends burst out laughing, and I eventually had to go on stage in bright yellow shorts (while all the others were clad in black.

So I guess the moral of this story is: Never trust well-fitting clothes. Chances are, they are up to something.

Being a teenager's tough...
Around the age of 16, which I barely remember now, I've started seeing this guy. Now we were the classic city boy-country girl couple. Though he wasn't from a city, just a town, but that's how I've felt next to him. Anyway- I was wearing my jeans fpr about 2 weeks, then washing them and wearing them for anoher 2 weeks and so on. I was, and still am, pretty flexible, too.
He took me walking somewhere, in the outskirts of the town he lived in. By the end of the evening he walked me back to the place I was suppose to be picked up from. We were forced to pass either over or under a fence. I, of course, being the ragged contry girl,chose to go over the fence, and while lifting, quite impressively, one leg in the air, there was a horrible tearing sound, and the jeans split just where my ass was suppose to be.
Yes,- I did throw them away after that. There wasn't much left of them anyway...

Well, it doesn't count as *most* embarassing, but I thought I'd share...

I updated my home space a few days ago, and I included a contact address for my company and the throwaway comment "there's a prize for the person who sends me the most embarassing thing to open at work".

About 11:00 this morning, the company secretary dropped a letter on my desk, addressed to me, and in the top-left corner was "Transvestites Anonymous; Subscription Renewal Notice". She didn't say anything, though I guess she noticed

Hoovooloo was the culprit, and signed the letter inside. Made me , anyway Now I need to think of a prize...

Well if a certain italic got around to actually writing something, perhaps he could make a contribution here.

Why not go and ask him

F42046?thread=103826

Lucinda - your story reminds me of a joke perpetrated on a work friend of mine a few years ago.

Once upon a time you could buy these "Revenge Kits" which were basically a boxed set of various letters purporting to be from ficticious official organisations that you could send to people as jokes. They included letters from highway authorities informing house occupants that they were going to bulldoze their house down, etc, etc. Sure you'll all get the picture.

One of the fake letters was from a mail order photograph developer saying that they had developed the photographs that they had been sent but couldn't post them due to their obscene nature as they contravened some government legislation on the transmittal of pornography.

Well I sent one to my buddy at work .... well at least I put his name and address on the letter but on the envelope I put "to the occupier" and the next house number up so that his neighbour would open it when he got it.

As planned the neighbour got the letter and opened it - saw that it was for my buddy and took great delight in handing it over to my mystified and bewildered friend who tried for weeks to persuade his neighbour that it was a joke played on him. The neighbour just kept on saying "sure Arthur" which just made matters worse for my friend. Tee hee hee

You absolute

Yeah, you absolute













Nice one though

ROF!!!

Nothing Embarrising to ADD ATM....

I'm sure something will happen though!!

s'easy .... all you have to do is add alchohol

and shake well

Hmm..embarassing moments.
That lull in conversation..you know the one...happens every seven minutes (on average) and it was in one of those seven minute intervals that I complimented a female friend on a piece of unusual furniture.

What I said was, of course "Gosh, that's a nice chest you've got there."

~sigh~
Being hospitalised during a school field trip, and having a rather nice nurse ask me whether the teacher accompanying me was my father. I said no. She frowned and then asked me whether my boyfriend would be calling my parents. At this point, I have to point out I'm male. Luckily, said teacher had wandered off for a cuppa so the subsequent explanation never had to be repeated.

After a night of drinking, a conversation amongst largely male friends turned to the relaitve obscurity of female erogenous zones and the ever elusive G spot. At which point, my cheerfully oblivious GF tells the world that I know exactly where it is. In the stunned silence that follows, she then goes on to explain the circumstances of the discovery, in detail.

I think that is something to be rather proud of. It marks you out as being better than most men (or more correctly )

Nice one Gradient
(Are you still in touch with her?)

Nope. She traded me in for a younger model.

And being a gentleman - or at least, doing a reasonable impression of one, the idea about my partner's intimate anatomy being the subject of discussion was mortifying.

Thinking about it later, L'esprit d'escalier suggests that I should have agreed heartily and announced it's somewhere like Hendon. Ah well...

I discovered after the event that the guy I was seeing last year has a habit of using women's names as passwords.

Now my name is short, so to turn it into a usable alpha-numeric he added my bra-size.

My only hope is that he is not using it to access porn sites!

Ben

That might be embarassing. As per usual I have read the start of the conversation and skipped to the end. My most toe curling moment occurred when I had written a biology essay on organisms and handed it in. My teacher marked it and handed it back to me. I read it through and it was at this point my toes curled up. I had managed to substitute the word 'orgasm' for the word 'organism', not just once or twice, but all the way through. As I looked upon my essay in abject horror, my best friend was looking over my shoulder, and was laughing so much she nearly fell over.
I never really heard the last of that....