A Conversation for Miscellaneous Chat

Tell Us A Joke

Post 17261

Array

A truck driver calls his boss to tell he wrecked his semi truck.
His boss asks: "What happened?
"Well, there was a rabbit on the road in front of me"
"Why didn't you just run over it!?" his boss exclaims.

"I tried, but it ran into the woods"


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Post 17262

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Who was the greatest tsar of all time?

Ivan no idea.


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Post 17263

Paigetheoracle

Caiman that's funny!

That reminds me. I saw a post on Facebook yesterday where someone was trying to make a philosophical point that failed. It was about a deer on the road and they were trying to make out the road had no point being there. I said that the deer was just passing through but the road was a sitting tenant, so had more legal right to be there.


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Post 17264

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Did anyone ask to see the deer's licence?


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Post 17265

Array

I would like to sincerely apologise to the cleaning staff.

There was a sign above the urinals, stating: "Maintain at least 1.5 m distance!"

OK, I mean, I tried, I tried really hard...

But there is no way I could maintain that kind of pressure on for the whole charge.


So, Sorry about that.

Maybe we could blame Corona, or 2legs if you must.


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Post 17266

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Promise me you won't provide a video of that.


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Post 17267

Array

I will take that into consideration. (after cleaning my phone)


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Post 17268

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

I was vacationing in a small town in Spain. I was surprised when a friend showed me a bullfighting arena there. "Do the other small towns have these?" I asked.

"It's not unCarmen," the friend said. "it's actually a very Bizet place."


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Post 17269

Rosa Baggins

I bought a dalek egg timer recently, after a few minutes it shouts eggs-terminate.


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Post 17270

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

I have a very old one that doesn't work very well any more. It's an old timer.


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Post 17271

Paigetheoracle

The mysterious disappearance of Zirco the magician has finally been explained. He was painting the garden fence, when he suddenly varnished into thin air.


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Post 17272

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

I'll bet his disappearance was whitewashed.


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Post 17273

Paigetheoracle

George Foreman was arrested and taken to the police station, where for a change he was grilled


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Post 17274

Rosa Baggins

I can tell I’m having a bad day when even my Rice Krispies don’t talk to me.


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Post 17275

Rosa Baggins

Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant bell peppers?
A: Garden hose!

Q: What happens when
you eat too many bell peppers?
A: You get a belly-ache.

Q: What do you call a rabbit eating a pepper in the hotel lobby?
A: The bell-hop.

Q: Did you hear about the Bell Pepper flavoured vodka?
A: It makes you bell-igerent.

Q: Where did the bell pepper go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar!

Q: What do you get when you throw a bell pepper into a rose bush and "Shake It Up"
A: Bella Thorne

Q: What water yields the most beautiful bell pepper garden?
A: Perspiration!

Q: Did you hear about the pepper that changed peoples bad eating habits?
A: It was a bellweather pepper.


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Post 17276

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

What did the pepper farmer drink?

Doctor Pepper.


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Post 17277

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

I tried a dating service. It was managed by a palm tree. My firts date was Coco-nuts.

So I dumped the service and hired a scientist. He offered carbon dating. My dates were much too old for me.Some of them were Paleozoic.


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Post 17278

Paigetheoracle

George Foreman was attested by the and taken to the nearest police station. Now he knows what it is like to be grilled.


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Post 17279

Paigetheoracle

My wife said give me half of what is left in the wine bottle, so I asked her which half


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Post 17280

paulh, making lemonade from the lemons that life has given me

Does it matter?


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