A Conversation for Miscellaneous Chat

Tell Us A Joke

Post 17201

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

The octopus was locked up after he was caught in bed with a clam. The charge was Molluscation.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17202

Paigetheoracle

I woke up one morning with Hank Marvin laying across my chest. I went to the doctor's about it.
"I am sorry Mr Smith but you have a shadow on your lung."


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17203

Paigetheoracle

At this time of year, I always have sympathy for farm animals - in fact I always insist in pigs in blankets.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17204

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

Chickens are central to my identity as a thinking person. I think, hens I am.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17205

Paigetheoracle

At this time of year, it is better to give than receive as every boxer knows


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17206

Paigetheoracle

Do archeologists visit dating sites?


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17207

Paigetheoracle

We found a wild rabbit in our new house when we moved in. We named it Stewart. Come the Spring we expect to enjoy rabbit stew again (true story, except for the joke naming).


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17208

Paigetheoracle

My girlfriend works in grease. She is employed by the local chip shop


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17209

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

For Christmas, my cousin gave me a yak, and told me that its name was Cardy. "Just don't don't let Cardy out of the house," my cousin cautioned.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of disadvantages to having a yak running around inside. I figured it would be okay to put a leash on him nd tak him for a walk.

Unfortunately, as soon as we got as far as the street, a police care pulled over and arrested him. It was a Cardy Yak arrest.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17210

Paigetheoracle

Father Christmas walked into a bar.
Give me a stiff one, it's going to be a busy night.
Put your money away Santa - this one is on the house


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17211

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

Have you heard about the new approach to egg farming? hens are put in egg boxes and told to fill them. I hear that many of the hens think this dozen make sense.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17212

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

Little Orphan Annie was in the doctor's office.

"You have a tumor," the doctor said.

"Is it good or bad?" Annie asked.

"There are three kinds of tumors. Type A is bad. Type B is bad. Type O is good. Fortunately you have type O."

"That's wonderful, "Annie said. "I think I will sing about it.

Tumor O, tumor O, I love ya, tumor O,
You're only a day away."


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17213

Paigetheoracle

A man phoned up the Guinness book of records.
I think I have created a new world record.
What have you done?
I have stacked 209 pepperoni, one on top of the other.
Are they straight?
They were but now the tower of pizzas is leaning


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17214

Rosa Baggins

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17215

The Duke of Dunstable

I did some family history reasearch, stumbled on my roots and sprained an uncle.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17216

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

Mike Bloomberg is a candidate for the Presidency of the U.S. If he spends billion dollars and gets 50,000 votes, that's twenty dollars per vote.

But even if I vote for him, I won't get my twenty dollars.

(That's a political joke)


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17217

Caiman raptor elk - Escaping the Array

1.000.000.000 / 50.000 = 20.000

Even more unfair.


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17218

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

And wasteful, but what does e care? He'll never live long enough to spend all his money.

By he way, 50,000 is a lot less than 50,000,000


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17219

Paigetheoracle

Why is it that instructions only make sense, after you've messed up the job? Is it the tool behind the tool that causes problems, not the tools themselves?


Tell Us A Joke

Post 17220

paulh, the apocalypse is coming, it's just late

Looked at solely in terms of vote-getting, it does look wasteful. But when someone spends a billion on a campaign, a lot of campaign workers earn money, the news media get paid, sign-makers gete xtra business, and there must be places for people to meet. Hotel ballrooms, restaurants, etc.


Key: Complain about this post

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more