h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"The Cheek of Oliver Twist" by L P D O Más

Fish to Rabbit: I wish I could walk on land!
Rabbit to Sparrow: I wish I could fly!
Sparrow to Fish: I wish I could swim!

Duck: Losers!

Aagghhh, the special characters are misprinting again. That should be "The Cheek of Oliver Twist" by L P D O Mas (with an accent on the a to show it is in Spanish)

"My Feelings on a Lifetime of Newsnight" by Thirsty Worke

M

My uncle had a cherry-coloured kitten with rose-coloured paws.



(Think black cherry, white rose)

Which tennis player hates hoovering the most?

No-vac Djokovic

What does Alan Partridge put on his toast?


Smarmite

When Harry Truman ran for president of the U.S., people who weren't fans of his leadership used the song "I'm just wild about Harry" and changed wild to mild. Now that Kamala Harris is the presumptive Democratic nominee, I propose dusting off the song and renaming it "I'm just wild about Harris."

Good one! Send it to her team!

In 1966 Donovan rewrote this as "I'm just mad about Saffron" in his song "Mellow Yellow".

It seems that Harry Truman used the original song as his official campaign song for the United States presidential election of 1948.

The Democrats were beaten in the next election (1952) by Eisenhower, who was helped along by "They like Ike"

"It's Not a Crime" by Miss D. Meanor

I have a shirt for every day of the week. I'm wearing it now.

Before going to summer camp, my Mom told me to put on fresh underwear every day. She didn't say I had to take off the old ones first.

What are the security guards out of the Samsung store called?

Guardians of the galaxy.

Why was Captain America patiently waiting for so long to wield Mjolnir?

He did not want to steal Thor's thunder.

Quantum Mechanics: People who repair quantums.