h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I’ve been trying to teach the AI bot Chat-GPT how to write jokes. I’ve set it up with a one-liner and asked it to provide the punchline. Four examples are below.

I’d be interested to know what you think. I can’t say I laughed much, but I think it could have potential if I find the right set-up.


Icy: Complete this joke: What do you get if you cross an armadillo with a peacock?

AI: I'm not quite sure, what do you get if you cross an armadillo with a peacock?
A bird that never forgets to armor its feathers!


Icy: Ok, try another, but make it funnier this time: Why was the American Smooth?

AI: Hmm, let me think. Why was the American Smooth?
Because it had a lot of 'States'!


icy: I can see you’re trying. How about “When is the best time to skin a whale?”

AI: I'm not sure about that one, when is the best time to skin a whale?
When you have a blubber party, of course!


Icy: One more: Why did a man take a chicken to the pub?

AI: Let me see if I can come up with a good punchline for this one. Why did a man take a chicken to the pub?
Because he wanted to test its poultry in motion!

The chicken wanted to go to the pub because it had heard about cold duck, and wanted to meet it

Why does the chicken go on holiday to a dead spruce forest?

It feels at home between all the pole-trees

Son: "Dad, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl."
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbour's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Dad, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"
Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbour's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister."
This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can't date any of them because Dad is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says, "You can date whoever you want. He isn't your father!"

I love it!

I was going to post a joke, but it will suffer by comparison.

I asked Old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story.
“Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman’s life.
Tragically, I’ve never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I’ll never forget how supportive my Norman was. Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, “Be positive, be positive!”
That was my Norman! Always thinking of others.”

Cliches that publishers use in the dustflaps to entice people to read -- and what they actually mean

Soon to be a major motion picture: Editor's brother is a movie studio executive who needs to produce a successful film to keep his job.

Will leave you eagerly anticipating the author's next book: leaves many plot threads hanging at the end.

Writer's prose is rich and elegant: If you don't understand the text, it's your fault.

One of the best books of the year: This is early March, so not much competition yet.

Author takes his place among the century's best writers: last place is still a place.

Gives new meaning to feminism: author isn't sure what feminism is, so she makes it up as she goes along.

A rollicking look at politics in the Gilded Age: Robber barons are no longer alive, so they can't sue for damages to their reputations

A tear-jerker: this book is so awful that you will be weeping.

Will fill you with righteous indignation: how could this trusted publisher have signed up such an incompetent author?

Gripping fantasy! - Meeting minutes of a role playing session. (Doesn't mean it's no good though)
A real Blockbuster! - Publisher's son wants the latest Minecraft game.

A train conductor was careless. He caused a crash that killed one passenger. He was put on trial and sentenced to death by electrocution. On the day of his execution he requested a banana as his last meal. The switch was thrown, and....nothing happened. It was the law that if you survived electrocution, it was due to divine intervention, and you were free to go.

he got his old job back, and this time he caused a crash that killed two people. He was put on trial and sentenced to death by electrocution. On the day of his execution he requested two bananas as his last meal. The switch was thrown, and....nothing happened again.

He got his old job back, and this time he caused a crash that killed three people. This time, the executioner refused to let him have any bananas. They strapped him in, threw the switch, and he was unharmed yet again.

"The bananas had nothing to do with it," he explained I'm just a bad conductor.

What kind of bike is the smelliest?


Penny-farting

The farmer was reluctant to let the young man marry his daughter, so he set a test for the young man.

"Do you see that beach?" he asked. "If you can remove all the driftwood, boulders, and other debris from it, you can have my daughter's hand in marriage."

So the young man toiled away for more than a month. Finally, he came to the farmer's daughter and said, "We can get married now. The coast is clear."

"Church Service Etiquette" by Neil Downes and Stan Dupps

"How to do the catechism" by Rose Arybeads

Musical intermission by Piper Gann

The new zookeeper had some strange ideas. He made female apes wear bikinis made from summer squash. He called them zookinis. He put a directory of the zoo at the entrance and called it zoos who. He had the attendants ties brooms to the alpha lion's tail at sundown expecting that the lion sweeps tonight. He put the giraffes in a special enclosure with statues of dinosaurs and called it Giraffic Park. He had a special sale of Penguin books in front of the penguins' enclosure. He hired a comic to tell jokes in front of the hyenas' cage. Even if the jokes weren't funny, at least the hyenas would laugh.

The wife told me the cat, needed to be chipped.I only had my 9 iron, but still got it over the shed.....

Living With a Pacemaker by Dicky Harte

The police were called to a house y a worried neighbor who had heard gunshots. When they got there, they found a man and a woman lying dead of gunshot wounds in the bedroom. In the living room they found a man, also dead, of an apparent self-inflicted wound. The man in the living room was the husband of the dead woman.

The detectives concluded that the husband found his wife having sex with the other man, shot them and then killed himself.

"This is as bad as it can get," said one of the men.

"I bet you $50.00 the police chief will say it could have been worse, said another.

"Okay, you're on!"

When the police chief arrived, he came to the same conclusion as his men, but he said, "It could have been worse."

"How could it have been worse?" exclaimed the man who had lost the bet.

"If he had come me yesterday, I would have been the dead guy in the living room."

"How to Avoid Work" by Beau Nydle

"A Fundamental Issue" by M. Royds