h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*discovers that the pineapples have hypnotised everybody here and we have been in a trance for the last four days whilst doing their evil bidding*

Hey, I've lost 6lb!! Now where's that blender? I've got Pineapples to massacre.

Oooh! Pina coladas!!

I wonder what sort of evil bidding a pineapple would want us to do??

Is evil bidding where you say

"I bid ten dollars for that vase and you can all @#&@&* off"

Perhaps they are bent on world domination.

And there is nothing worse than the evil bidding of a bent pineapple.

Oh yes there is! The evil bidding of a GIANT EVIL LEMON OF DOOM!!!!!

*looks around shiftily*

I've said to much.

*takes a swig of *

*straightens out the bent pineapple and fills it with pina colada*

There!

I'm not worried about the pineapples ... it's the carnivorous coconuts that have me worried!

Ah yes.. the other ingredient.. I've learned if you drown them in enough rum they lose their fight..

Yes, rum! We need more rum!

*takes another swig of , and glances around with a mad, fevered look in eyes*

*Wakes up from a cold sweat.*

I just had the most peculiar dream about pineapples, coconuts and a beach on the Strand underpass.....

NNNNOOOOOoooooo!

Yeah, I keep having that dream too. I find lots of rum helps!

*Takes a shot of and gets busy hunting killer carniverous coconuts.*

Have at you!

Hmm, rum. It gets me thinking:

Do pirates drink rum, or do they drink grog? Are they perhaps one and the same?

Anyone got any ideas?

Same thing, dear boy. In the Royal Navy a sailors grog ration was strong rum! Hence 'Navy Rum'. And drunken sailors.

Huzzah!

The Navy inspires too many jokes about Seamen.... I .... must .... resist!!!

Don't fight it. You'll do yourself an injury!

If you like adventure
Don't you wait to enter
The recruiting office fast
Don't you hesitate,
There is no need to wait
They're signing up new seamen fast
Maybe you are too young to join up today
But don't you worry 'bout the thing
For I'm sure there will be
Always the good Navy
Protecting the land and sea
In the Navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the Navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the Navy
Come on now people make a stand
In the Navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the Navy
Come on protect the motherland
In the Navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the Navy
Come on people and make a stand
In the Navy
In the Navy


Ah! The Village People. I wonder why they had no women in the band?

'Tis a mystery that'll perplex mankind until the Apocalypse.

Like what is the name of the bits that are punched out by a hole punch, and what exactly is the point of Chantelle?

*Does Chantelle impression.*

"Oh My God, I'm living the static and wooden acting dream!"