h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bridge? Perhaps you didn't hear me correctly: we've got a *MEW* down here! A charizard won't do a thing against it! Maybe Mewtwo, or another Mew, but a Charizard? Don't count on that working. Maybe if I had . . . hang on a second.


The cubes of foundation would work here, but I left those back in Damogran. My fish could possibly weaken it, but I don't want to test it. Magic? I don't think I'm up to this. Although, possibly . . .


Mew, you de realize that . . . well, we're nervous 'cause we have no idea as to your intentions. I mean, from what I've heard, I don't think you're here to do any damage to us, but this situation is making us all nervous.

*Thinks*

Look, maybe we can talk this over in Ten-Forward. I'll have a Dr. Pepper, you can have . . . well, whatever it is you like to drink. C'mon.

*Begins walking to Ten-Forward, wondering if now would be a good time to settle the peace treaty between the universes of Pokemon and Zork*

*Checkout calls his Charizard back*
make mine a Bloody Mary Affy!!
*Checkout leaves the bridge, safe in the knowledge that the Esipretne can fight off Royal Doulton with no difficulties...*

If you look in my personal locker in sickbay you should find a custom pokeball I found on Disney Planet shortly before the horrible somethings attacked. The box it came in says that it is "guaranteed to catch even the most stubborn Mew or Mewtwo, especially when it has put itself in a pink bubble thingy".

Hmmm, wonder what happened to those horrible somethings?

[Mew, upon reading the Biro top's mind, gives the impression of thinking "Uh-oh" and prepares for anything. He gleans life force from something that is completely incomprehensible to non-Mews because there is no word for it except in the language of Mews.]

[Mew decides to call upon someone whom he knows very well...]

*E too is wondering what happened to the Horrible Somethings & starts scanning for them just to be on the safe side...*

Oh yeah, I made a backup copy of the PokeBall in the replicator just in case more are needed. You never know when it may get backup from its PokeFriends, or something a lot worse than even a Mewtwo

[The words "EVEN A MEWTWO!" are echoed by a mysterious, deep voice, and in a gratuitiously explosive burst of light, Mewtwo appears and looks menacing. He speaks telepathically.]

}You wanted me, Mew?{

[Please note: Mew and Mewtwo are done by the same geek sitting at a computer, and therefore actions and words may be interchanged by them at any time. Also, Vekura is not currently present.]

[Mew nods, speaks telepathically to Mewtwo for a moment, and they get back to back, ready to defend each other]

The figure on the hull of the ship is curious as to why two fictional Japanese franchise characters are inside the Esirpretne? He sits and watches in interest to see if their poor animation limits their movement.

[Mewtwo briefly appears on the hull of the ship and proceeds, in several complex-looking Kung Fu moves, to beat the s**t out of the figure on the hull. Wait, that can't be Mewtwo: the "armor" thing on "his" chest are more rounded than rectangular. Must be Vekura. She joins Mew and Mewtwo, who get ready to blast the MasterBall to bits]

The omnipitant figure on the hull laughs at the poor attempt of a comeback. He proceeds to vanish and wait for sanity to return to the 'overexhurted' minds of Mew and Mewtwo.

*E decides that everything is out of her control & so she sits down in the 1st officers chair & decides to wait this whole ting out*

*pweesh*

Oi! You lot! Take this somewhere else! If you want to help, good. Because I've just received a message from Doughnutfleet Command.

The Horrible Somethings are on their way to Earth.

We need to get to Ebola VI (finally) to pick up a scientist who can help us out.

Mr Bluebottle, lay in a course.

Aye sir!
*Lies down on the green of a golf course.*
By the way, Eomando, here is a paperweight for you to thing out.

*takes the paperweight & looks for the problem she was trying to wait out...*

*Puts the paperweight on BB and waits out the problem of him setting a course*

*Quorn has been sitting patiently in Ten-Forward, polishing glasses and having a go at an adventurer with a blue glowing elf sword for making everything purple invisible...*

Listen, bud, you can't just go around turning purple things invisible, treaty or no treaty...

*A small yellow mouse-type creature with a very cute voice and little red cheeks lays slumped on top of the bar, surrounded by several shot glases*

Yellowthing: *drowsily* Pikapika.. Pika pika..pika

No, I told you, that was your last one... No more

Yellowthing: *more violent* Pika. PIKA *sweeps glasses off the table, they crash on the floor*

Thats it buddy. Your barred! *points to door*

Yellowthing: *mumbles* pikapikapikabloodypika

*Yellowthing puts on worn old brown trench coat and scratches its stubble. Puts hands in its pockets and storms out, attempting to kick a pweesh door, but failing miserably*

I tell ya, these pokemon gotta no respect. *sigh*

[Realizing that they can be of no help, Mew, Mewtwo, and Vekura abruptly vanish, because the dork at the computer is going to Washington, DC for the week]

*Gets off the Golf Green, and lies down in the dessert course in a posh restaurant, or alternatively, a pub like the Caulkheads.*
Hmmm - Icecream....

*Doors of EnGineerinG open slowly and AXR comes out ...*

... what a niGht *looks at the watch*... ups ... quite a bit more

*lookinG to croz*
?are you feeling any biro anymore?

*Emerges from the weapons lab, yawning and carrying the latest invention from Crater Labs, Inc. - a Dimension Stabilizer. Walks up to the bridge and plugs the Dimension Stabilizer into the cigrarette lighter socket. Turns some knobs, looks around, then presses a flashing blue button on the Stabilizer. The lights dim momentarily and although everything looks the same, it is somehow subtly different.*

There. We are now back in our own dimension. We can now proceed with our mission.