h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Under his breath*
Don't count on it...

Thanks GL...

OK...so can *someone* please set the course into the computer...or do I have to do it myself...?

*presses a button*

There.

I assume you are pressing the coffee-button?
*Lays in a course, and waits for someone to say "Engage!"*

Engage.

The entity is 'engaging' in deep thought about the fate of the Esirpretne. He begins to wonder whether he should let them take it into there own hands and face the conciquences. Or he should give some help (ultimately for his own amusement) and help avoid another waver in the plot (most likely involving Japanese cartoon characters no doubt). He decides its about time to put the fun back into intergalactic-multidimensional-paradoxicallyconfusing- space travel....

*Seven, deep in thought about how he can solve the problem of the biro's, the seemingly random appearences of fictional Video game charecters, and the crockery that is circling the USSE*

*Realises that the ship is moving at high speed and so stops worrying - everthing 'appears' to be under control*



I wonder, could anyone give me something to do - I'm so bored that any minute I shall be turning on daytime television! Go Jerry Go Jerry GO JERRY, please...



*Wonders whether the enity on the outside of the Esirpretne would like to be assimilated... NO NO - bad Bjorg collective thought, SCHNELL, SCHNELL, KARTOFELKOF!!!*

momentary relapse

"As you see, Mew, we can create any drink that you might . . ."

*Notices that Mew stopped following him to Ten-Forward*

Oh.

*Glances at the computer screen Trilly is looking at*

Ooh! ZGI! IS that the version with or without the patch!

*Begins drooling over a new excuse to mention 'Zork' more often than is appropriate. Starts talking about how he painstakingly took notes on all *THIRTEEN* games, and how he memorized the text ones at an all too early age. Nearly gets himself thrown out of the bar before ordering phlog and promissing to be quiet about the game*

*looks a bit worried out of the window*
ah... I know we travelinG very fast, and now doubt I like it ... BUT, Is there anybody who knows which direction we are GoinG ???

and seven if you want something to do, try to explain to me how quantum physics works,
think that will keep you busy for some time

*sits down and waits ...........*

W're gOing, erm, erm, fOrwards. They tell me to lie in cOurses, get engaged and dO variOus Other stuff, and I dO....
...Then they mOan at me, and I put up with it....
...and eventually we arrive somewhere, I get kidnapped, rescued, eaten and rewarded, and nOw we're Off tO somewhere else to save the Galaxy from the evil SOmethings!
All in a day's wOrk.

From somEwhErE down the hall somE music is hEard:

It's bEEn a hard days night
And BB's bEEn working like a dog

Is there a terribl' racquet in h're or is it jus' the whisky?

Yes - there seems to be a whine and some music

*Drinks wine, and this starts to affect his driving a little...*

*Thinks about lighting some candles to enhance the mood. Stumbles as the Esirpretne lurches.*

*Regains his posture*

Right then Quantum Physics ladies and gentleman...

We'll start off with the basics, if you take one atom of antidistantwierdlongnametyingtostealmarigoldsthunder and splice it with the nuclear thoride SR232 then the reaction produces pure alcohol, and when...

The role of Afgncaap5 will be played by Green Jester for a while due to some technicalities in the Damogran forum.

*Rudely interupts*

No, we don't have to go through all of that. Watch.

*Pushes some buttons on a computer, and a technical model of the Esirpretne, including tech. readouts, etc.*

Now, our jumping through the galaxies is made possible from these devices: The IIEM, the Neutrino Burst Injector, the Brownian Motion Inducer, the Warp Core, and the Tantalus Chambers. Now, if we direct extra energy flow from the Tantalus Chambers (our main weapons system) to the Neutrino Burst Injector and the Warp Core, we can get to most possible scenarios. Now, to get to the impossible ones, We just push this red button here, which combines the previously mentioned machines to the IIEM and the Brownian Motion Inducer, which, as we all know, work on the theories of improbability. If we could whip up some hyper intelligent robot, we wouldn't need to run any of this stuff, and could just worry about where we want to go. However, that makes a dull story, plus the fact that DD and BB would be out of a job.

What I'm trying to say is this: our course is determined by a point and click interface. Just click on the stellar destination you want, and we go there.

BTW, one last thing: all of the above machines, with the exception of the IIEM, are on loan to us from the good, fine people at Crater Labs, Inc.

Now, I think I'll investigate the ship's rocking and reeling and introduce another problem for us to cope with before finding the scientist on Ebola VI. Or is it IV? I can't remember.

~Afgncaap5, Holistic Detective

Captain, the reason that the USSE has gone mad is beacuse the little hampster who proppelled the ship died. Please ignore the strange being who is spouting meaningless jargon.
Chies Miners o'Browntrousers out

Captain, the reason that the USSE has gone mad is beacuse the little hampster who propelled the ship died. Please ignore the strange being who is spouting meaningless jargon.
Chief Miners o'Browntrousers out

Captain, the reason that the USSE has gone mad is beacuse the little hampster who propelled the ship died. Please ignore the strange being who is spouting meaningless jargon.
Chief Miner o'Browntrousers out