h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Vhat about omnipotent beings Seven? If they start seing Mew...?
*Tools himself up with a snowzar rifle and prepares for battle*

hhmm - the pamphlet doesn't cover omnipotent beings

*Decides to grab a snowzar rifle himself and follows Checkout*

*Finally gets bored waiting for Yasmar to make a reply*

FINE THEN! DON'T ANSWER!

*Pulls out a scroll that emenates magic*

GUNCHO!!!

*Yasmar is banished to another plane of existense*

Say hello to Pan if you see him.


Captain, I believe Yasmar has been taken care of. Will now make a few experiments. I believe I've found the best way to get to Ebola IV (or is it IV?) quickly so we can pick up that scientist.


*Runs to his lab, and begins making some engine modifications*

Well, when you've finished with the engines, I'll lay in a course, and off we go!

*would like to remind Mr Psychoanalytic that he didn't mention humour in his original message, and that the Captain is therefore at a loss to see how the same original message could be taken as anything other than a slight on the combined work of the participants, and to say that if you're not enjoying the way the thread is going, then post something constructive, like a plot development which isn't, in his words, "pointless". And to say that he, the Captain, isn't trying to start some confrontation - merely wanting people to play nice and get along... and that the captain's email addy is [email protected] if Mr Psychoanalytic would like to take this discussion further, as it would be out of place here.*

*realises that the previous message looks like a challenge to take it outside, when in actually wasn't...

Look, if you're not getting the most out of this, please tell me, all of you. The point is that we have a good time, and it's obvious that it's not progressing the way everyone would like. I'm open to suggestions of any sort - my email addy is up there, or start a forum on my homepage. Cool?*

Mr Garius Lupus, how near are those Romanumeral and Kringle ships?

My scanners show them 3.6 minutes away. Unfortunately, our forward snowzars were modified for showing the invisible asteroid and will be useless for fighting (other than causing a little confusion). I would suggest that once we are within firing range, we about-face and show the enemy our tail. Not only will this bring our after-snowzars to bear, it will facilitate a hasty retreat, should that be necessary.

Okay then, I'll use Attack Plan Gamma Hydra 6 - that'll confuse them.
Can someone tie a bow on our tale? We'd like to look presentable...

[After spending half an hour reading the above posts, and the page they're on, a Jedi visualising someplace and sometime else comes to a decision.]

[Seventy-six thousand spherical objects come out of transwarp. Broadcasting on all channels, a voice says, "Select as opponent: Kringle warship, Romanumeral battle cruiser." Though nothing visible happens to them, the spheres seem to change somehow.]

[The voice says, "Charge hamster torpedoes." Lights glow on the spheres.]

[The voice says, "Lock S-foils in attack position." The front halves of every single sphere splits into four parts and open up, revealing pilot compartments and nasty-looking weapons.]

["Engage," says the voice, and brown-tipped white beams of light come from each of the eight weapons on all seventy-six thousand starfighters at the warships.]

["USS Esirpretne," says the voice, "I'm glad to be of assistance."]

*Runs onto the bridge and decides to promote himself to Useful Officer (see other forums ) and rums to a panelstation*

Sir, I'm picking up a distress call from within the Asteroid Field. Its the USS Esesess. Its fragmented, the Romanumerals seem to be jamming photogenically... I'm patching it to the screens

This is Captain Archer McArcher of the USS Esesess. This isn't actually a distress call, we're fine. We're on a 'Frosted with X-tra Sprinkles class ship' and have Chocolate Icing cloak technology, we're hiding in the field. We just thought, since a large combined Kringle-Romanumeral fleet is baring down upon you, we should give you this urgent message... *ahem*

*McArcher holds a compad in front of him*

Ha ha, Esirpretne, you're screwed.

*McArcher laughs* heheheheehehehhohohohHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

That is all...

*Quorn looks around the bridge uneasily*

What...? I didn't say he was a nice man... Did I say he was a nice man?

*DD beams back to the ship*

Nay it must have been real rain I'm still wet. I thought I was goin' to a holographic Hyde Park.

The Esirpretne begins to emit a large white light.... While making a strange bleating noise, not that dissimilar to that of a damp sheep.
The white light slowly becomes clearer as it takes the form of a rare and sacred Pokemon.... 'Twomew'! Surely its the most powerful of them all! The crew are stunned as it begins to make hand signals at the crew....

I don't appreciate being ignored.

*Dr. Croz gets bored of looking at the pokemon, throws a masterball at it and adds it to the collection of 150odd pokemon he has stored on device known only as a Gameboy*

*Checkout, really concerned about seeing loads of Manga characters, decides to go to sickbay*
*Walks in just as Dr. Croz captures a Twomew*
*Croz looks slightly embarressed as he hides the masterball*
*Checkout walks over to a biobed and promptly begins banging his head against it*
Thats it!, doc I need brownian motion and lots of it now!
Are we ever going to get to Ebola IV? or is it VI?
*The figure on the hull, in a rare show of compasion, snaps his fingers and sends the Esipretne all the way to Ebola V, just half-way between Ebola's IV and VI*
Huh, vhaddaknow...

Okay, so we're parked more or less on Ebola V - which Ebola shall we go to now?

Okay, so we're parked more or less on Ebola V - which Ebola shall we go to now?

Okay, so we're parked more or less on Ebola V - which Ebola shall we go to now?

[The warships are now smoking piles of slag. All except one of the ships vanish abruptly, and the remaining one heads off after the Esirpretne]

*Runs into bridge, notices GL not at post, and a warship heading towards the Esirpretne*

Warship, state your serial number, and intentions!

*Strikes a dramatic pose*