h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Aims Snowzars at Rubix Cube, and fires with a blast set for five years*

That should give them some time to think about arguing with us! Okay, all we have to do now is land. I think I'll go help GL in the weapons lab, and then alter our NBI a tad.

*Goes to weapons lab*

Don't you have transporters or something? Or am I confusing this with Star Trek?

Ah...but landing is so much more fun & challenging & looks much better on the special effects...

Engeneering here,
we are all very confused as there is no current situation requireing a 5 hour repair time for us to do in 20 seconds.
anything?
oil change?
wash the screen?
i have a bucket of water and a squeegee?
hello?
Chief O'browntrousers out

ho hum.
*drumming of fingers*

*Reattaches Checkout's arm and gives him a large cup of brownian motion inducer to take his mind off it*

Next time be more careful ok? There's a limit to my medical knowledge and brownian motion inducer can only cure everything up to the early stages of deadedness.

Sorry. My reflexes have been acting up and doing insane things like that.

*Afgncaap5 reads the backlog*

Okay, are we going to land or beam down or shuttle down? I have the Crater Labs, Inc. Mini-UFO in the docking bay, if you want to use that.

Sith Infiltrator - much better

I recognize the need to work with Dark Jedi and Sith ... at the moment.

However, if it comes to a lightsabre duel, remember: I flunked my swordsmanship class. [fingers crossed behind his back]

*Seven walks into the medical bay and bumps into checkout who is obviously a bit miffed at the lack of one of his arms*

I have some Bjorg nano-bots that will be able to fix that arm if you like - until Croz finally gets here

Don't tell me it fell off again

*Reattaches Checkout's arm and borrows som educt tape from engineering to make sure it stays there*

Please feel free to insert a 'don't worry, he's 'armless' joke...
*Double-checks croz's handywork and attaches a staple gun to his utility belt, just in case...*
So who is actually going to the surface, apart from the Jedi's, bjorg and one-armed russians?
*Boards Affy's shuttle, admiring the 'Another space-worthy product of Crater Labs inc.' plaque on the hull*

*suddenly realises that the 1st officer usually gets to do all the interesting stuff like this & barely gets to the shuttle in time for it to leave*

*Follows closely behind Checkout and Eomando onto the shuttle*

Where exactly are we going?? Nobody tells me anything...

OK, so anyone else who wants to come on the away mission will have to risk the transporters & hope they don't appear back-to-front or something...

We're off to http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=37895&thread=53229

warning: time warp.

message comming in on finger three from two weeks ago Captain

it's from s****freak command biological research division.
Informing us of their recent discovery that Pokemon are closely related to the Tribble species
and the only major difference is that Pokemons/Pokemonses have
considerably less hair. The crew is therefore warned to be sure never to pet them.


(Or get them wet)

((((((Or feed them after midnight))))))

have a fish

second warning

FABT stands for Fully Assimilated BORG Tribble

Be afraid

Be VERY SMEGGED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You'all have a nice day now

*looks at Tribble and sees football...then decides against it*

So, you flunked swordsmanship class did you? How did you do in lightsaber training?

*goes off to the armoury to checj his explosives equipment, just in case anyone should need something blowing up*

* emerges from a rather spectacular area of rippling, shimmering air somewhere near the back of the bridge. Looks around. Takes out a camcorder and does a slow sweep of the bridge while muttering into microphone. *

Appears to be crewed by a variety of semi-sentient life forms from all over the universe. Not demographically accurate in representation of minority groups... Romanumens, Kringles and Clingfilms not represented at all. No Ferengi to be seen. [sighs in relief]

They don't appear to have noticed me yet. Must be even less sentient than first thought. That's something the physiology people should be taking a look at. Perhaps some specimens could be captured for further study.

* looks around to select specimens for further study. *

Hmm...

"MMMMMMMM INDEED, FOUL MULTI-DIMENTIONAL CORRESPONDANT"
intones android deputy-duputy sub departmental head of security p500e.
"THE HUMAN MEMBERS OF THIS CREW CANNOT SEE YOU BUT I CAN"
P5s eyes glow red.....
"CRUSH KILL DESTROY!!!!!!!!!"