h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

even farther back
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what did one amoeba, say to another amoeba, coming out of the swamp?.
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what do you think you will turn into when we reach dry land.
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jim

The scarecrow won an award for being outstanding in his field.

TRiG.

2 rodent like mammls hiding in the grass


RRRROOOOAAAARRRRRR

1st mammal: what was that???

2nd mammal: Doyathinkeesaurus!!!!

Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. Drop him a line.

Q. Who invented the five-day week?
A. Robinson Crusoe, because he had all his work done by Friday.

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Boo!
Boo who?
Don't cry, it's only a joke.

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Luke!
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you'll see.

Anyone heard the magic tractor joke?

we will pingu, when you write it on the thread lol jim

Oh, I thought that was it!

could be right icy, blame old age, it didnt sink in lol
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jim

What is the oldest joke you ever heard?


My Grandfather to my sister aged 6 when she was learning the recorder


'Can you play anything yet?'
Sister, 'Yes,'

Him 'Can you play 'Far, far away?'




What do you call a Camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey


What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Juthinkisaurus

how do you imitate a parcel
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you wrap and and get knotted.
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what goes nintynine, bump,nintynine bump.
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a centipede with a wooden leg.
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jim

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and we'll tell you.

a lorry carrying tortoise's crashed into a lorry carrying terrapin's on the M4 traffic police said it was a "turtle disaster"

-My wife's gone mad in Venezuela
-Caracas
-Yes, absolutely loopy

I say, I say, I say. My mother-in-law has gone to St Petersburg.
-Is she Russian?
-No, she's taking her time.

Here is a series of jokes that my Drama teacher used to tell us. I don't know if these are old jokes, but I certainly found them amusing.

How do you put an giraffe in a refrigerator ?
-you just open the door and put him in.

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator ?
-open the door take the giraffe out and put the elephant in.

If the King of the jungle called a meeting of all the animals,
which animal wouldn't be there?
-the Elephant, he is in the refrigerator.

How do you swim across a crocodile infested river?
-you just swim across, all the crocodiles are at the meeting with the King of the jungle.

a group of men from the local asylum go in a pub
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"bar tender drinks all round".said the one in charge.
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the others each put a bottleletop on the counter.
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before the bar tender could say anything, the one in charge said"dont worry they are looney, i,ll pay you later"
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as the men where leaving, the bartender said"hey tou said you where paying for them"
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and the man in charge, banged a couple of dustbin lids on the counter"here my good man,and keep the change. jim