h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why should not a chicken cross the road?
It would be a fowl proceeding.

There was in a certain town a widower who wooed a widow to have and wed her as his wife, and at last they were agreed and betrothed. And when a young woman, being servant with the widow, heard thereof she came to her mistress and said to her:
'Alas, mistress, what have you done?'
'Why?' said she.
'I have heard say,' said the maid, 'that ye be betrothed and shall wed so-and-so.'
'And what then?' said the widow.
'Alas,' said the maid, 'I am distressed for you because I have heard say that he is a dangerous man, for he lay so often and knew so much carnally his other wife that she died thereof. I am afraid in case the like thing should befall you.'
The widow thought. She smiled quietly. She said:
'Forsooth, I would not mind being dead, for is this world naught but a vale of tears?'

A prehistoric human has a giant sloth, a smilodon, and a tree branch full of leaves. He needs to transport all of them across a river. His boat can only fit two creatures. Him and one other thing, which means he must take them one at a time. Here is his problem. If he takes the smilodon across, the giant sloth will eat the leaves while he's gone. If he takes the branch, the smilodon will eat the giant sloth while the man is gone. But nothing happens if you leave the smilodon and the branch together. How can he transport everything over the river without losing any of them?

Answers:
1. Because there were no roads back then!

2. Because he likes to show off and smile a lot.

3. First you take the sloth over, leaving behind the smilodon and the branch. You come back and bring the smilodon over. You then bring the giant sloth back over to the first side. Then bring the branch over leaving the giant sloth on that side. You come back and finally bring over the giant sloth.

Mâr Gregory John Abu Faraj Bar Hebraeus (1226–86) was the head of the Jacobite church in Mongol Persia, wrote a joke and here is the translation:
Why does a rooster raise one leg when it crows?
-- Because if it lifted both legs, it would fall down.

Behold, [he] besieges Herakleopolis, he has completely invested it, not letting comers-out come out, and not letting goers-in go in, fighting every day. He measured it off in its whole circuit, every prince knows his wall; he stations every man of the princes and rulers of walled towns over his (respective) portion
Then [his majesty] heard [the message] with courageous heart, laughing, and joyous of heart.

The lion laughed at the mouse and said: "What is it that you could [do] in fact! Is there anyone on earth who would attack me?" But he swore an oath before him, saying: "I shall make you escape from your misfortune on your bad day!" Now although the lion considered the words of the mouse as a joke, he reflected, "If I eat him I shall indeed not be sated," and he released him.
The Lion in Search of Man
Lichtheim vol.3 p.158

... proclaimed loudly: "From this hour onward, all mice shall disappear from the fields and shall live underground only!"
Thus the king spoke and thus it happened. This is the reason why mice live in subterranean holes to this day

At noon Elijah began to taunt them. "Shout louder!" he said. "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened."

Jeremiah 13 (1-11) - in which the Lord tells Jeremiah to bury his underwear.

Judges 3 -- Ehud the left-handed and Eglon the fat -- is a riot. Especially when Ehud gives the death-stab to Eglon, and then locks him in "the upper room" and his servants outside hear him groaning but figure he's just taking a dump so they don't rush in until it's too late (even then, they wait until the point of embarassment

A man once had two pairs of boots. One of which had thin soles and the other had thick soles. One morning, he accidentally put one of each of the boots on. When he was walking, he felt utter discomfort. “This is very strange indeed! Why is it that my legs don’t feel like they are of the same length today?” He thought in surprise.

A man who happened to pass told him kindly, “Your boots are not of a pair.” He rushed home immediately to change boots. However, when he reached home and saw the other pair of boots, he pondered for a moment and said, “There is not at all a need to change. The other two are not a pair either. One is thin and the other is thick.”

ueen Elizabeth seeing a disappointed courtier walking with a melancholy face in one of her gardens, asked him, "What does a man think of when he thinks of nothing? " — " Of a woman's promises!" was the reply ; to which the Queen returned,''I must notconfute you, Sir Edward," and she left him.

for the error

Here is it again:

Queen Elizabeth seeing a disappointed courtier walking with a melancholy face in one of her gardens, asked him, "What does a man think of when he thinks of nothing? " — " Of a woman's promises!" was the reply ; to which the Queen returned,''I must notconfute you, Sir Edward," and she left him.

What does confute mean?

It means to confound.

or similar - prove to be wrong