h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am more than a little disappointed to find out that Michael Caine never said "Stop throwing bloody spears at me!".

He DID say "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

but didn't say "Not a lot of people know that".

He also said;

"You're a big man, but you're out of shape. With me it's a full time job....."

Just before he punched the jovial corner shop owner, Alf Roberts, in his midriff. Tame really, considering he threw him off a multi-story car-park a bit later.

2 oranges sitting at a bar.. one turns to the other...

'you're round'

snigger



yeah i know.. this is not the jokes thread..

it's saturday night. i'm too drunk to find the joke thread.. had to put it down somewhere before i forgot it.

If you're that drunk you won't remember tis in the morning then..............

ok maybe i'm more lazy than i am drunk!

I think that the first orange was taking the pith.

W

yeth

I thay!

RF

Thteady on chaps. It's no laughing matter if one has a speech imped... immmmmmmm... impedddddd... thtutter! (mutters and wanders off to feed the pigeons).

Is anyone interested in the fact that Michael Caine told me to piss off once?
Does that count?

<>

!

Pigeonthh?

Lucky you, i'm stuck here with these Ferrethh, Stoathh and Weathelthhs...........

Sir Reg - really? Er, why?

Billy Bragg smiled at me on the Underground once.

What's with all the rodentth?

Incidentally (and to try and stay on-topic), I'm told that rabbits and hares are actually lagamorphs, rather than rodents.

>>I'm told that rabbits and hares are actually lagamorphs <<

Does this mean that they're made from lager?

RF

The correct spelling is lagomorphs, which means they're made out of lagging.

Oh, ferrets, weasels and stoats aren't rodents. Not even the ones with a thpeech impediment.

Richard E Grant winked at me in Richmond once



*thud*

W

Sure that wasn't a nervous tic?

Ticks notoriously lack self confidence.

No... I'm a gorgeous He couldn't resist me...