h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, I think it might be possible that he sometimes mixes up his real character with his character's character. Or rather, although he is a fine actor, his insticts sometimes get the better of him.

<-- hears Mary and suddenly comes to his senses. Looks sheepish. Reluctantly kicks stick away.

Baaaaaa!

Mary: Now, where were we? I think you were about to...Ooof! Watch it, sheep! Sorry, Stranger. As I was saying, you were going to...Ow! Get out of here! No, not you, Stranger! Sheep! Leave us alone! Or at least look the other way.

*Mary attempts to pull the wool over the sheep's eyes*

This is funny. Where's Carmel?

Carmel wouldn't get it.

*Stops flailing his hands uselessly in the air*

Is the duck safe now?
Is that a swimming cow?
Did someone say an egg was broken?
Let it not be Humphrey, all leaky-yolken.

*Stares directly at Amy.*

*wakes up, bright eyed and rested*

*gently nudges Thistle Howl*

Quack!

*unable to resist the calm lake he waddles down to the water's edge*



*stays close to the shore this time*

*tilts head and looks wonderingly at Buttercup*

Quack?

*A yellow periscope rises from the water and turns towards the audience. An eyeball can be seen in the lense. It blinks. The periscope begins to scan around in a circle but stops just after it passes the cow. It jerks back to the cow and the eyeball almost leaps from the lense. It blinks a few times, shuts, then opens again. The eyeball disappears from the lense. A hand reaches out of the water and polishes the lense, then the eyeball returns. It shakes from side to side, then the periscope slips beneath the surface.*

Buttercup!

Behind you! In the water!

I've seen cows in a pasture. (Very relaxing.)
I've partaken of cows on my gas grill. (Sorry, Buttercup!)
I've watched a cow launched over a castle wall. (Blame Monty Python.)

Yet I've never seen a cow torpedoed.
This could be abominabull...!

*elbows Witty or who ever it is that is sitting next to her*

Did you see that hand? It didn't quite look like a hand - do you think it might be possible that there are in fact two entities in the depths of the lake?

*crawls out from under T's coat where he has been hiding, groaning at B4's comments*

*carefully, without a sound, sneeks up behind B4*

*tries to tickle B4 in the hollows of his knees, hoping to cause B4 a fit of laughter, loud enough to attract the attention of that very large person - again*

*Jumps at Titania's prodding.*


What? Did I miss something?

Gosh, I must have fallen asleep. I was dreaming about Beatles music. Did I miss anything important, Titania? Why are the actors all wet?

Press the 'rewind' and then 'play' button on your TI equipment, Witty...

[B4] Eeeeyaaagh!

(He jumps almost as high as the ornate antique chandelier, his coattails flapping on the way up and furling on the way down. He lands with his feet splayed on either armrest of his seat, facing the projection booth. He's quaking (not 'quacking', Duck) in his shoes, looking every which-way to find out what snuck up on him.)

[B4] What in the--?!?!

(Realizing he's blocking the view of the stage--there are several shouts of "Hey, down in front!"--he carefully dismounts his precarious perch. He begins checking under and around his seat, but the auditorium lighting is too dim to reveal the culprit.)

[B4] (in little gasps) Man, oh, man. I almost came outta my skin. I hope I didn't make so much noise th--

(A steam shovel scoops him out of the row of seats and carries him up the aisle to the Lobby. Then B4 recognizes the steam shovel as...)

[LARGE] Sir, my Mawnager infohms me that you will now be treated to the special accommodation of watching the remainder of owur production from a private, sound-proof, hermeticawlly sealed guest room. Come with me, please.

*Watches B4 antics, turns to Titania.*

Is it me, or has Ripley grown?

*Fiddles with buttons on the TI unit.*

Oh - yes, I guess he is - after all, he's a year older now than when I first set eyes on him!



*thinking that the very large person is being unnecessarily harsh*

*stands up*

Hey! You there! Very large person! Yes - you!

*approaches them*

*lowers voice*

Could we discuss this in the lobby?

*stires fittfully in her sleep*

Yes sir...disappointing my readers?... but I'd never...sleeping through an adventure?...But...cancelling my contract?!...Mr. Mayer wants to do a book about cats instead?!!!Arrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

*Thistle wakes up with a howl (luckily, it's not a HOWL!, but it is loud)*

I had a nightmare, I was taking to my agent and he was soooooo mean! Have I missed anything?

*still floating on her back but now quite close to the shore*

[Front]: I think we should get out of this lake now.
[Back]: If we can. There are a lot of loose ends in here. They may impede our progress.

Get on with it!

*throws *

*returns to her seat*



Ripley! Come here! This minute!

[B4] (Sliding back into his seat, cranes his neck and whispers to Titania...) Thanks again for getting that lummox off my case. (Pats Ripley on the head.) Don't worry about it, little unau; everything's fine!
B4