h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[B4 slogs off the Row Row Lake set, leaving a trail of water as he makes his way back to his seat. He doesn't want to ruin the upholstrey, so he reaches into the satchel on Purr's shoulder and pulls out a towel, places it in the theater chair, then sits down.]

Alright, then, see if I do you any more favors! Just because you didn't want to get drenched again, I offered. See what it gets me?! Here's your stage gear, okay? Get back up there! And let me have the coat and satchel now. Thanks.

B4anotherfauxpaw

**Purr shakes out his costume as he heads through the side-stage stairwell, then steps into the forest green breetches and leather boots, slips his arms into his deep blue jerkin and adjusts the collar, then plops the leather cap with the bright red feather onto his head. He takes two more steps then realizes he's missing something. He leans 'round the edge of the set and gesticulates to B4.**

The cane! Toss up maiy cane sso Ai can get on with it!

**B4 darts to the edge of the stage and slides it across to the large black cat, who snatches it up in one paw, then strides purposefully back to console Thistle Howl on her latest adventure.**

Arre yeou quite alrright now, maiy dearr young lady?

[B4 slinks down into his seat and broods.]

Now I know what a stunt double feels like. I didn't even get to kiss the leading lady. ...er... Wait a minute. That would be Pansy Ffing! ...humph!... Five o'clock shadow or wolf fur? ...sigh... I think that's a 'no contest' question.

[Sits back and readjusts his TIH&G, letting the virtual panorama wash over him and immersing himself in the surround-sound audio track (instead of lake water).]

B4imissascene

1: Confusion is rife!
2: Like a farmer's wife!
3: Did he save her life?
1: The plot's on a knife
edge.

All:
In case the pussycat missed his cue
We've sailed our boat to Thistle's rescue.

*the toy boat trails a lanyard in the water, on the end of which may or may not be a thistle howl*

1: A mysterious beast
2: might find us a feast
3: That would be the least
of our troubles.

1: It splashes around
2: But remains unfound
3: While thistle howl speaks only bubbles.

*they hold still, sniffing the air, listening and waiting*

*Much too out of it to make sense of her surreal rescue - possibly conducted by Purr (or his double?) or Buttercup or the Mice or maybe all the players (except the Mysterious Stranger, of course) pulling on Robyn's rope, and maybe there was a chain of Dwarves in there as well, and she's almost certain Duckie played a big part - and she doesn't care, let everyone else sort out the details. Thistle shakes herself like a dog then collapses on the shore and murmurs...*

That was fun, but I don't think I want to go again.

*she curls up in a little ball and is soon snoring softly.*









































8

*waddles ashore quite exhausted, grateful that characters with more powers than himself finally managed to rescue Thistle Howl*

*waddles over to where Thistle Howl is sleeping*

*softly into her ear*

Quack - thank you!

*lies down next to her thinking a nap wouldn't be such a bad idea*

Qzzzzz...

*shakes the rope so that it returns to normal and puts back in the swag bag, feels around a bit and finds an old blanket*

*puts it over Thistle and Duckie*

That should warm them up a bit. Poor things, they are worn out.

[Back]: Are we heroes yet?
[Front]: No, she's been rescued.
[Back]: We got wet for nothing? And leather's never the same once it's been soaked. Who rescued her?
[Front]: Three mice in a boat.
[Back]: *actorly voice* "From the dim woods on either bank, Night's ghostly army, the grey shadows, creep out with noiseless tread to chase away the lingering rear-guard of the light, and pass, with noiseless, unseen feet, above the waving river-grass, and through the sighing rushes; and Night, upon her sombre throne, folds her black wings above the darkening world, and, from her phantom palace, lit by the pale stars, reigns in stillness."

*pause*

[Front]: Close enough.

*calls out*

You had better keep an eye on that phantom menace!

/* Calls out */

Watch your browser cookies!
<-- perks up ears at mention of "cookies"

*snaps out of a dream-like state*

Phantom Menace? Where? Hiss! Boo!

Should we light a fire to dry out Thistle and Duckie?

It's getting very dark now.

What are those twinkly lights over there?

Egg broke.

*picks up piece of egg and heads toward a particular inlet*

Fix egg.

*Carmel carefully creeps out from under her seat and puts her TI set back on.*

Gee, I don't know, and you all know how reluctant I really am to be critical, and I do so hate to suggtest anything less than kind especially when speaking of a fellow cute person; but I really feel that the drowning scene was needlessly melodramatic, really, I feel that very strongly. Frankly, I think someone should take whoever is playing Thistle and sit them down for a good long talking to. (shudders violently) They aren't going to stage events like that at every site, are they? (shudders again)

*Pansy lips her lips noisily, then purses them, as if to get ready for a big snog. Then she makes a loud kissing sound, which could only be described as being like hit in the face with a wet fish.*

Oooh, Purr, or whoever you are, would you really like to kiss a Pansy? I'm ready if you are!

*Pansy makes the sound again*

Please don't hide in the dark! Am I going to have to come and find you? I've never kissed a cat before.

*Pansy looks at the audience members*

Hands up who thought I wouldn't use the word cat there? Well ha! *That* joke would have been far too rude.

*Puckers up again and begins to look for Purr in Boots.*

Who's hitting someone with a wet ?
Thanks for the sucky sweets, Caerwynn. Anyone have more left? I can't see! It's dark.

*in a loud voice hoping that some stagehand will hear her*

I think we need a !

*pulls the blanket tightly around her and snuggles up to Duckie, then murmurs in her sleep...*

Egg? No, Mr.Stage Manager, I haven't seen any eggs...

Poor monster. Maybe we should give it something to eat. *throws popcorn into the lake* Heeeeeere monster!

I wonder if it likes Quality Street?

*chucks a toffee penny and a fudge*