h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

**Purr's tail begins to twitch as he takes note of the SPLASHing in the midst of the Lake. He looks toward the water. His ears (sticking through two slits in his feathered cap) also twitch and turn toward the sound. After only a moment of reflection, he turns back toward the sphere at the base of the tree. Reaching forward with his left paw, he scrabbles at the surface of the ovoid object and a small chunk of it breaks off into his right hand. He stands, faces the lake, and--with his bright-blue slitted eyes pursed in concentration--lobs the rich brown substance in a high arc that intersects the very center of the ripples.**

Bon appétit, monssieurr Lake monssterr!

Oh, please excuse me, Mr. Bela Lugosi. I had no idea my simple actions would drive you bats. I apologize from the bottom of my...heart...as it must really suck when members of the Audience distract one of the Cast. I was only trying to ensure the PG-13 standards of the Pantomime were upheld, since we can't have any neck-edness on Stage.

[Switches off his TIH&G for nonce to dash up the aisle and play fetch with Zeppo, a slightly less intimidating endeavor at this point.]
B4theLARGEbouncershowsup
B4

*FLIP FLOP FLIP FLOP*

*Pansy walks round and gazes at all the assorted lakeside characters. Then she stares at herself, looking splendid in flippers and snorkel*

Why does my Total Immersion Equipment look different from everyone else's?

Oh well, never mind!
Do you know I always feel sad around water. There's something about it that reminds me of my poor, late husband. *sniff*

*Pansy reaches into her ample bosom and pulls out a large spotted handkerchief and blows her nose, loudly.*

I remember, it was our honeymoon night...

*She winks knowingly at the audience members scattered around the lakeside*

He was up and down all night! All night, madam!

*She tucks the handkerchief back into the depths of her bosom*







*sigh* I wish he'd told me he had a problem with his 'waterworks' before I married him. All that flushing quite unnerved me.



Now. Where are we going?

*has been paddling around in the water to his heart's content*

*suddenly disappears with a *

Duckie!!!!!!

*Thistle drops the rest of her cookie and leaps into the lake to search for the duckling.*

Oh, here it comes.

*Carmel, whose sensitive ears can still pick up the TI Unit's audio signal even without her helmet on, faints.*

Yeah, I saw that coming.

Zeppo! STAY!

/* Grabs on to Titania's arm as Zeppo pulls him out of his seat to chase the stick and respond to the cry of "Fetch!" and sends his Good & Plenties scattering across the floor. */

Ti! Grab on to something and hold tight!

*grabs hold of Mac, and in the commotion her immersion helmet slides slightly askew*

What? What? I can't see! What's happening?

*pops up some distance away from where he first disappeared, appearing agitated, not to say hysterical*

Quack quack quack!



*disappears again, with a stream of bubbles floating up to the surface*

(here quite legitimately in her own capacity although somewhat taller than usual)

Duckie has gone under for a second time!

*kneels down on a stepping stone and looks under the water for the duck*

Oh no, Duckie!

Um, will this gear short circuit if its in contact with water?

*runs up and then down the back*

Duckie. DUCKIE!

Oh no! Someone do somthing! Where's a Fariy Godmother when you need one!

*swooshes past Amy looking rather like a water- except under water*

*it seems his left foot has become entangled in something that looks like a long string of seaweed*

*the other end of the string seems to be fastened to a big dark shape that is moving with great speed in the deepest part of the lake, where it's too dark and murky to see anything clearly*

* only manages to reach the surface to take a deep breath of fresh air is when the dark shape swims across the more shallow parts*

*Or maybe he's looking more like a ?*

Save the duck! Save the quack!
I would help, but a boat I lack!
Save the quack! Save the duck!
Hit the monster with a hockey puck!
Aye carbimba! Oh, caruther!,
That duck reminds me of mother.

/* manages to tie Zeppo's leash to the arm of his seat, so that if anyone tosses a stick again and yells "Fetch!" the entire row of theater seats will be dragged onto the stage. */

* bounds after the stick into the water. Swims to the stick, clamps it in his mouth and turns back to shore. Sees a duck go by underwater. Pauses in indecision. Should he chase the duck, or return the stick? Chase the duck or return the stick? Chase or return? Since the duck is now out of sight, the decides to return the stick. He scrambles out onto the shore and into the bushes. He drops the stick at the feet of the Stranger, then shakes the water out of his wool.*

Mary: Aaaaaaaaaaa! I'm all wet!