h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*nibbles on a biscuit and watches the duck on the lake*

The lake is such a beautiful colour in this moonlight.

*aside to Amy* I love all the mysterious shadows on the mossy banks under the trees. I think this is my favourite place on the whole island.

*Steps out from the mysterious shadows on the arm of the Mysterious Stranger. Actually, the shadows are on the mossy bank and Mary is on the arm. Mary looks around, disoriented, as if something wasn't right. After a few minutes she shrugs and dismisses it from her mind. Which, of course, results in her realizing what it is.

The sheep! For the first time in years, the sheep hasn't followed Mary! Before she can decide how she feels about it, appears on a lily pad and suffers the same fate as Puss. The sheep swims towards the shore, but notices a stick floating not far away. He changes course, grabs the stick in his mouth, then turns to the shore. He climbs out of the pond, then shakes in a very dog-like manner, sending water everywhere. He looks around, proudly holding the stick in his mouth, then comes to some realization and quickly drops it and trots over to Mary, looking sheepish.*

Having finally worked out how to turn on the VR kit

Finds he is transported from the shadows at the back of the theatre to the shadows by the side of the lake, fourtunatly onto a dry bit.

**On the edge of the Lake set, Purr fumbles with the controls of the TIH&G, finds the BTRL (Back to Real Life) button, and pushes it. He becomes an ordinary house cat crouching amidst some rather foppish medeival clothing and a high-tech VR apparatus. With just enough intelligence lingering in his brain pan, he extends one paw and taps the RRL button again. Amidst the moonlight and rippling waters of the lake, he quickly snatches up the clothing that has 'fallen off' during the transition and backs off stage.**

Thiss can NOT be happening to meow! Ffirrst night on sstage in a major prroduction and all Ai do is mess thingss up...

**There's a rustling of costume clothing, along with a few muffled grunts, then--cautiously--Purr in Boots eases back onto the Row Row Lake set--in dry clothing.**

Aaaah, the sstill night airr, the moon on the waterr, the sscent of wild thingss of the forresst passing by on the breeze. It sstirrs the blood in maiy veinss! Ai musst explorre thiss enchanted arrea...

**With that, he bounds into the tree line near the water's edge, hiding among the foliage and creeping closer to examine the faint flickering lights of the faery creatures flitting about.**

*completely overcome by the atmosphere, Thistle dances around like a little girl at a beach on a sunny day.*

This place is just totaly awesome! It just makes me want to howl! I better not, though (sigh).

Is there some sort of light in the lake?
It glows like a swimming pool.

Not that we poor dwarves have ever seen a swimming pool mind you. Super panto stardom doesn't bring all those things you dreamed of. But the help from that kind old lady with the apple we met was great in getting rid of that awful pain, Snow White.

*Imperceptably steers the Stranger towards a moss-covered spot, bathed in moonlight, near the bank.*

Oh! It's so romantic, isn't it? *she breathes into the Stranger's ear.*

<-- follows a few paces behind.

[B4's newest acquisition, a VR unit (labeled TIH&G), kicks in and he's treated to the finest in sensory illusion. He IS at Row Row Lake!]

I have GOT to get one of these for my gaming system...

[...the rest is lost in little ooh's and aah's as the full detail unfolds B4 him...]

*the sailboat pushes off from the cattail and moves gently forward with the current*

1: We'll take your word about the moonlight.
2: But we love the smells here.
3: And we love the sound of the water.

Together:
Nursery history,
What guards the lake?
Pantomime mystery,
What makes that wake?

*the toy boat begins to rock irrgularly*

**Purr in Boots is gamboling about the greensward, leaping into tree branches, then dashing into the hedgerow. He weaves and bounds his way through the tree line and finally ends up panting before the trail of unique stepping stones that cross the water. Laying aside any fears he might have, he boldly steps onto one, then starts playing a mock game of hopscotch on them. He has gotten so caught up in his reverie over being in a woodlands theatre production that he fails to notice the ripples in the Lake are cresting higher and higher until they reach him and put his mid-water path awash.**

Uuurrrrk! Wait! Not again! Pleasse... Ai do NOT like water. Averrsion would be correct. Extrreme disslike is verry accurate.

**More waves lap up onto his boots.**

Ai hate it, Hate it, HATE it... EEeeeeyaaaugh!

**Franticly, he searches for the path back to shore, but all the stones are covered.**

...help...

*Runs in from stage left trying to catch up with the others,then runs towards the sheep, spots lights glowing over the lake and changes direction to run towards them, realizes he has no boat and runs in reverse direction, notices the tea and runs towards it, thinks he sees an egg-shaped item in the shadowy moss and runs again in that direction, trips over a stone, does a full sumersault and lands on his feet again, then looks directly at the audience.*

Don't you hate runny eggs?


()

*to Purr in Boots*

Look out behind you!

*catches a firefly in midflight, pauses to admire it in her cupped paws, then eats it.*

Hmmm, needs sugar.

*Suddenly cocks an ear.*

Does anyone else hear that music? It has a very distinct bass line. Bah-dum, bah-dum, bah-dum-bah-dum bah-dum-bah-dum....*

*looks at the , exasperated*

Mademoiselle Mary - do we really need a chaperon? It makes me feel - eh - inhibited....

**Purr in Boots looks even more frantic, most likely because of the ominous background music. After all, he is used to being the hunter, not the hunted. He jumps from one stepping stone to another, desperately trying to keep from falling into the drink again.**

*Mary looks resigned*

This is the way it always goes. I meet a nice man and things progress to a point, then the man has a problem with my sheep and I never see him again.

*Mary looks heavenward*

Why, oh why, did I have to have a little lamb?

<-- looks heavenward, wondering who Mary is talking to.

**Seeing no other alternative, Purr guesses at the location of several stones, bounds across them splashing more water upon his period costume, then leaps high into a low-hanging branch. He clings to it with tenacity and swings himself up to look down into the Lake.**

Waterr, waterr everrywhere!
Ai'd rratherr have a drrink,
Ssitting in a barr ssomewhere
Than perrched upon the brrink
Of ssome dumb limb atop a trree
In the middle of the woodss;
Ai'd gladly give to anyone--frree--
All maiy worrldly goodss
For a place that's made jusst for catss.
Ssqueaky toys and a scrratching posst,
And napss on luxurrious matss
Arre things that Ai'd enjoy the mosst.
No more trying to stay afloat,
Or having someone save my ;
Not enough waterr for a boat,
Jusst for ice cubess in my glass.

**He climbs down from the tree and stumbles on something spherical at its base.**

Neow what?

Thistle Howl ate one of the fairies!

*stamps her foot, indignantly*

Did not, did not, did not! It was a lightning bug! I checked, it had 6 legs!