h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU, PURR!!!
Ffing, Pansy (1 each) is looking for you!

Where should we go next?
Once Thistle and Ducky have had a rest?


Oh. *they point out a sign that says:*

[ DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS () PLEASE ]

**Kneels by Thistle Howl and gently pats her head, then carefully tucks in Duck's wing under the blanket.**

Rrest eassy but not too long, maiy ffellow playerrs, lesst yeou miss the mosst exciting parrts of the Pantomime.

**Hearing B4's warning, Purr rises to the occasion with a bit of verse.**

In every Pantomime there is a Pansy
Who very often is dressed quite fancy;
Yet neither ribbons and lace,
Nor a painted up face,
Can disguise that it's really a man, see?

Row Row Lake this e'ening is coolish.
Cold and wet from my swim, I feel foolish.
But I better not lag,
For a guy dressed in drag
Wants to help me by lending his tool-ish.

Thistle Howl now's asleep with a Duck;
And the Mice had a good bit of luck
Pulling both from the drink.
But you know what I think?
With this Pansy I should have no truck.

**With that, Purr turns tail and makes his way to the back of the set, heading to the backstage area for a break from poetry that's gone from bad to verse.**

I hope Purr also knows that the person that most dislikes Pansy mostly ends up marrying her in the end.

B4 starts engraving the wedding invitations...

*Pansy pauses in her chase of Purr. She has heard mention of the word Wedding*

Ohh! I love weddings. I've been to lots. Most of them my own.

*Pansy resumes the chase.*

FLIP FLAP FLIP FLAP FLIP FLAP

*She pauses again*

Purr? Purr? Where are you? It was such a lovely poem. But I can assure you I am ALL woman.

*She repositions her bust and almost looks as if she is about to prove this last statement.*

Come out from your hiding place Purr. It's so dark I may kiss someone else by mistake!

Where shall we all go next? Well, when everyone is quite recovered I suggest we see where that light is coming from, although I may need someone to carry me over the stepping stones. Any volunteers?

*Pansy looks at the cast. Then she turns to look at the audience and glares at B4, who hinted at rudeness in her name.*

Some people! *tsk*
*Pansy shakes her head*

Young man, you remind me of someone. A barman at a theatre when I was performing Bill the Bard. Every night after I had finished I would go into the bar and ask him for a double entendre. Sometimes, he would give me one.

SPLASH SPLASH

Egg here, poor egg.

*pushes piece back onto egg and smooths it with flippers*

Eddy find egg breaker.

*moves away from egg and submerges until just eyes are showing, then glides silently toward sound of voices*

Behind you! Behind you!

The monster is coming!

*floating on her back, sculling towards the shore*

[Front]: Monster? I thought it was just the tide coming in.
[Back]: Gorgonzola! He'll make mincemeat out of us!
[Front]: You have such a lovely turn of phrase in a crisis.

Ffing, Pansy (2 each) [his own]



Now that HAS to be a 2x intender...!

B4i

Ah, my dear Stranger, how right you are. I am altogether MUCH too old to be having a following whereever I go. Unfortunately, I can't convince the of that.

On the possitive side, though, he does seem to like you.

<-- nudges the stick with his nose, moving it closer to the stranger. Looks up in excited anticipation.

*Mary looks out at the audience.*
Oh! What I wouldn't give for a nice big bone right now!

To occupy the

*throws more popcorn toward the monster*

*stops sculling in surprise at what Mary said*

[Back]: Gurgle gurgle!

It looks like Mary has generated a 'bubble' entendre.
[aside] Someone better rescue the Cow, now.

B4

**Heedless of what it might do for his reputation at the Kit Kat Club, Purr in Boots steps back onto the set at Row Row Lake. He nevertheless is wary of the presence of Pansy Ffing, and moves from shadow to shadow in the tree line, following the flickering and flitting glow of the faery creatures.**

[Purr]
sstillness at lakesside
rripples on glimmerring waterr
bewarre the monssterr

a sstealthy sshadow
sslinkss along underr brranches
Purr in Boots sstalking

dangerrs surrounding
surrprrises at everry turrn
plot twissts unending

charracterrs on sstage
rrebuffed by the audience
hecklerrs abounding

ourr HooToo frriends
show theirr wit and theirr wissdom
in Lil's Pantomime

**He looks sagely at the Audience, waiting for their reaction, realizing Haiku doesn't normally fit with such a production, but hoping this just might be the up-scale crowd he's been anticipating. He gives a half-bow to signify he's done his lines.**

Well, they've certainly given the monster a target rich environment. Half the cast is either in the water or passed out on the shore or getting romantic out in the woods (and we all know how that usually ends up). I don't think they have much choice, they are going to have to throw the cat to the monster.

*Carmel indignantly throws down her TI set*

Oh, this is just too much! I really hate to put up a fuss, really I do, and you know I'm having such a wonderful time otherwise, but I really must object. Nothing was said about monsters in the advance promotions!

*she keeps it together just long enough to stamp out to the lobby, where she slumps against the pop corn machine and faints.*

**Crickets chirp in the background; faery wings flutter and buzz. It's so quiet, Sprint could do a commercial here. Only Mac's comment is heard in the whole auditorium.**

Yess, that iss as Ai figurred. Good crrowd.

**Gives Mac a look that would normally required salve and a bandage.**

Yeou arre not a 'cat perrson', arre yeou? Not much on poetrry eitherr, Ai would guess?

**Sticks his raspy little out at Mac, and turns to walk undaunted back toward the edge of the waters.**

Ai will not be thrrown to the monsterr! Ai am not afrraid of it. Afterr all, the Theatrre Rratingss Anti-Ss*x Hegemony (T.R.A.S.H.) would never ssanction a prroduction that portrrayed the eating a...cat...on stage.

*deep in thought, fingers his prominent chin*

*rubs his equally prominent nose*

Mademoiselle Mary - you don't suppose the might think that he's actually a ?

*searches pockets but then remembers that he never carries a pocket mirror, since it would be of very little use to him*

*looks around*

Excusez moi, messieurs dames - would anyone of you happen to have a mirror?

*has a look through her swag bag*

I got this one off an old hag selling rosy red apples in a deep dark wood.....

*holds up a rather ornate ormulu Louis XIVth style mirror*

I seem to be taking more out of this bag than I'm putting in.