h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*theresumes her seat and puts her TI set back on, but she sits very stiffly, prepared to become very cross if it gets scarey again.*

Shouldn't someone be helping the Cow? I know it's not my place to tell anyone what they should be doing, and I don't want to be a bother, really I don't, but perhaps someone could throw Miss Buttercup and Miss Buttercup's other end a line?

Miss Pansy you do have some lovely clothes, it must be wonderful not to be dressed in tatters all the time.

*looks down at her worn dress*

My Stepmother says that my sisters must have all the new gowns if they are to find a wealthy husband each.

I know I shouldn't be unkind, but not even new gowns will help their chances. I fear only radical cosmetic surgery would do that.

**Standing close to the water's edge and turning to face the Cow, sends a soliloquy sailing across the Lake.**

Butterrcup, Butterrcup,
Whereforre arrt thou, Butterrcup?

**He glances imploringly at Carmel , as if to ask, "Is that the kind of line you meant?"**

[B4 leans over his seat with his hands cupped over his mouth, attempting--but not achieving--a 'stage whisper'.]

No, no! Try something like, "The check's in the mail"!!!

[He leans back and at Titania and Ripley, as if they would approve of such a jest.]

B4notasashethinks

I think your dress looks very nice, Cinder. It just needs a little decoration, maybe a cobweb or two.

*Thistle looks down at her own dress, then shakes herself again. While this is very effective with fur it doesn't work so well with clothing.*

Ahhh-Chooo! Oh, man, I hope these are just virtual sniffles. Will I get a dry change of clothes at the next location, do you think?

*Searches through his egg-sack and finds a rope, and throws one end to Buttercup. Then, following the wise bunny's well-thought-out suggestion, throws the other end of the rope to the other end of Buttercup. *

Alas, that leaves no end for me.

*Carefully steps onto the third stepping stone*

Here, beefy beefy beefy!

d'E, the snack bar is in the lobby.


lol so hard I'm .

*the little boat comes gliding out of the darkness toward shore*
* one mouse is at the tiller*
* one mouse hangs forward over the bow, sniffing*
*a third mouse sits in the middle, his head cocked, obviously listening*

3: I hear voices.
2: I smell bad acting.
1: I feel the water becoming shallower.

All together:
We have found things out -- are you ready?
A monster lives here, name of Eddy.
Scary to look out but shy as a mole.
Looks after an egg and lives on a shoal.

He poses a riddle -- you know
And says we must answer or go.
Of lightbulbs and salons he knows not a whit.
The answer alone is the thing that must fit!

Ooh, I know, I know, ask me! I love riddles!

*then she thinks about how well she dealt with the egg in the last scene. There is a long pause.*

Well....maybe I'm not so sure. Ask someone else.

[Both ends]: A rope!
[Both ends]: Two, six heave.

*the rope goes taut*

[Back]: How many ends does a rope have?
[Front]: Two
[Back]: And I've got one end
[Front]: It would seem that way
[Back]: And you've got one end
[Front]: Indeed
[Back]: I suspect I'm at the end of your tether

*Finally gets the settled, pointing away from the Stranger and herself.*

Well, Stranger, it's not much of a view for us, but then, it's not much of a view for him, either.

*No response from Stranger*

Almost as if Mary and the Mysterious Stranger were already married...


B4

I have to recuse myself from riddle-solving.

*finally manages to tear his attention away from the mirror, quite shaken by seeing his own relfexion in it*

Ah - pardonnez moi, Mademoiselle Mary - I was a bit distracted by - never mind

*is even more distracted by Mary's face so close to his as she has his lapils in a firm grip*

*puts one arm around Mary's waist, while the mirror slides out of his grip*

*leans forward, lips parting*

*Melts into the Stranger's arms. Tips her head back. Closes her eyes.*

*fiddles around with the various buttons on her TI helmet*

*accidentally manages to find the zoom function, just in time to see Mysterious Stranger leaning over Mary*



*goes pale*

Sheep - behind you!

Hey! What gives with this TIH&G thingy?! There are funny black rectangles over Mary's and the Mysterious Stranger's faces! ...and other parts of their scene! Humph!

[B4 removes his headset, fiddles with the controls a bit, puts it back on, and grimaces again.]

Nothin'!!!

[He whips off the headset once again and examines it more thoroughly...]

What the--?! Great! The little ESRB label on the bottom says this thing only handles video and audio rated "E". Well, we'll just see about that...!

[With that, he digs in his leather satchel, pulls out some small tools, a magnifying loop, a bundle of colored wires, and some strange parts that look like IC chips on steroids. He tinkers for a few minutes, then reassembles the headset. He slips it back on and...]

There we go! Oh. Um. Aha. Well. Is that really allowed on Stage? I mean... Oops. Gotta turn off the x-ray and thermal imaging transducers. Whew! For a moment there...

[It would be best for us just to let his thoughts trail away at this point, so as not to embarrass any of the characters present.]
[/ for B4]