h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*stands on the bank by the first stepping stone*

[Front]: We can do this. It just requires a bit of coordination.
[Back]: Gorgonzola! That's us sunk then.
[Front]: An unfortunate choice of words. When I say "Now!" we both move onto the next stone.
[Back]: OK
[Front]: Now, I'm just going...

*Back moves onto the first stone, Front is still on the bank*

[Front]: I haven't started yet! Now look what you've done.

*Back reverses onto the second stone, Front is still on the bank*
Buttercup is somewhat stretched*

[Back]: What's happening? Where are we?
[Front]: Just stay there and don't move.

*Front steps backwards onto the first stepping stone*

[Front]: Now, if I can just...

*Back steps backwards onto the third stone*

*fiddles with the TI*

There's a zoom button near your left temple. Give that a whirl.

*grabs hold of Buttercup's tail*

Oi! Mind where you're going! This is my stone. I can't move to the next one until Humpty vacates it.

That's what I did - and I thought I saw Amy out there on the sto-

*is a little bit distracted by Buttercup's odd shape*

*Front steps backwards onto the second stone*

[Back]: Sorry Amy. We seem to be in a spot of bother here.

*Looks around, then up, then down.*

Well, look at that! Here I am floating in a sitting position above the lake near the stepping stones.

*Plays around with the TI glove, resulting in a gentle spin in place. She pulls in front of the players, then back behind them again. Just for fun, does a loop the loop move and focuses back on the action.*

I didn't even spill my drink!

That's clever, Witty. Where are the controls for that? I could do with levitating off this stone.

It's in the glove, Amy. Just gesture in the direction you want to move and there you go. It just takes a little getting used to.

*lets go of buttercups tail with her gloved hand*

No, that doesn't seem to work. Perhaps mine is faulty or you have a newer model .

*grabs hold of Buttercup's tail again*

Vacate? Yes, there is a spot I know, West Egg, my friend Gatsby lived there, a perfect spot for vacations.

* Steps onto the next stone *

Do these stones ever end?

*there are strange movements under Buttercup's hide*

[Front]: It doesn't seem to work for me either.

*Back suddenly shoots a metre up into the air*

[Back]: It works for me!

*dangles from Buttercup's tail above the lake*

Eek! Put me down!

I've never seen a cow do a handstand before. Or is that a hoofstand?


- Good one!

*Back descends*

[Front]: I have an idea.

*leaps onto the next stone*

*The brown obloid shape seems to be sitting a little lower in the water. A yellow cylindrical shape can barely be discerned below the brown obloid shape. Even more indistinct is a yellow arm shape attached to the yellow tubular shape. The yellow arm shape appears to be repeatedly reaching out to the brown obloid shape and returning to the yellow cigar shape with something brown in it's pincers.*

Oh, shoot, sorry Mr. Humpty! I'll be more careful.

*clearly, she's going to need to kill a little more time before the traffic jam on the stepping stones clears. Thistle skips more stones, this time sighting with a little more care and going for open water.*

*the dwarves realise that seven of them is going to rather clog up the stones. they form yet another tall cloumn, teetering slightly.*

*the bottom dwarf takes a tentative step onto the first stone. the stone and the column both wobble alarmingly*

I could have sworn something knocked into that stone

*worried looks*

Have I missed something? Why are you all crossing the stepping stones?

Don't start to wobble, then you'll fall in

*currently facing back towards the shore*

[Front]: It's something to do with a riddle.
[Back]: Hey diddle diddle...
[Front]: Just be quiet and listen. If you rise up in the air, I'll turn around and we'll be able to get across the stones with me walking forward and you floating along behind.
[Back]: So it's true what they say. The cream always rises...

*Back lift off from her stepping stone* Front turns around very slowly and finds herself staring at her other end*

[Front]: Well? Don't just hover there. Get round the back!
[Back]: All right. Don't shout. Got the rump, have we?