h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*eyes still closed but lips parting in anticipation*

*trying hard to ignore all the shouting going on around him*

*applauds the Stage Manager*

Masterly performance!

*scratches her head*

Is this a real light bulb or a virtual one? Oh, and Mac, you forgot the biscuts.

*Pauses, just above the Stranger.*

Damn! Why does this sort of thing always happen to me at precisely the wrong moment? If it's not my sheep, it's some huffy sargeant major in a drippy outfit spouting off about eggs! Sheesh! How's a girl supposed to get any romance around here?



Well, come on then, Stranger. Apparently, we have to do something about an EGG.

*Stands up, puts hands on hips and pouts*

Ooooooooooooooo, this makes me so mad I could just HOWL!

*Thistle takes a deep breath to compose herself. Charging straight at her predicament hasn't worked so she realizes she'll have to try something different - she stops to think about the problem.

If she can't reappear at the virtual scene then she must be in a blind spot in the system. Now, the audience has no trouble traveling to the virtual Lake, so...

No, it couldn't be that simple, could it?

Thistle takes the stairs (two whole steps) up out of the orchestra pit, turns up the aisle towards the first row of seats, and reappears at the Lake side.*

Well, I'm back. *she surveys the scene* Oh, boy, things have really gone into the fan, haven't they?

**Purr in (soggy) Boots stops thrashing about in the water and stands up. (Evidently the lake is not as deep as we were leading the audience to believe. Nice 'cut scenes', though. Amazing what can be done with digital graphics!) He wades through the hip-high water toward the floating Goose Egg, gesturing and talking to himself.**

[Purr]
In all the playss I've everr acted,
I've neverr even once contrracted
To be the hero orr the villain.
Though the forrmer of the two I'm willin'
To make a go and do my besst,
Though that kind of rrole knows no resst.
I'll grrab the Goosse Egg and wade to shorre,
Call the Casst and then--what's morre--
We'll examine the Egg--Yess, everry bit!--
To see if it's morre than Gerrman Choc'late.
If the Egg and the Puzzle have ssomething akin,
I'm cerrtain we'll notice and then we'll begin
To unrravel a thrread of the Play that is loose
And prroceed to the next place on Island MaGoose.

**Purr digs his claws into the soft shell of the Goose Egg and drags it to an open patch of the glade under the shelter of the trees. He turns and calls to the rest of the Cast, motioning for them to attend.**

*much to her amazement finds she has arrived safely on the other side of the lake*

If the blown light bulb was in Daddy's house then it would take just me to replace it whilst Step Mama and my Step Sisters offer advice.

Have we got to the riddle bit then?

**Purr looks up above his head and finds a floating there. He turns to look at Cinders and puts on his best Cheshire .**

[Purr] Ai have not had many prroblems with s, maiyself. They sseem to be rratherr eassy to change, alsso. Ai am surrprrised that yeour ressidence is equipped with electrric s, though. Issn't that mixing yeour metaphorrs?

**He purrs low in his throat, gives another , and shuffles his feet. He then reaches up, pulls down the , and hands it to Cinders.**

Personally, I do my best work in the dark, so I would prefer it if no one changed the bulb

**Purr does a at overhearing Robyn's comments and es. Then another comes on over his head and he understands it wasn't meant as a double entendre and es even more (which is pretty hard for a large humanoid black cat to do, if you follow me: too much fur!). His only option is to get VERY interested in the German Chocolate Goose Egg lying on the grass at his feet.**

[Purr] Urrrmmm... Ladiess, what do yeou make of thiss Goose Egg?

[Back]: Is it milk chocolate?

*while it would be really cool to just watch the Eddy and the sub enact a scene from a Japanese monster movie Thistle realizes that she really should make herself useful. Purr has saved himself so that puts Humpty Dumpty closest to the combat. Hoping that Humpty fell into the same shallows as Purr, Thistle wades out to him. It is soon evident that "shallow" is a subjective judgement, much as is "short." Thistle can keep her face out of the water by tilting her head back, but every wave swamps her.*

Darn it, Mr. Purr, you said it wasn't deep (sputter)!

*Her next comment is downed out, though it sounds a bit like "I'll challenge your vertical,"

Mr. Humpty, are you hurt? Can you give me your hand? (Sputter!)

SPLASH THRASH SPLASH

OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

*smashes tail on the water, power dives and comes up under the thief with wide open jaws. gets hold of thief by narrow part just before spinning fins and commences to drag it away across the lake*

Ooo ka tee i egg!

*nudges Titania*

What did Eddy say?

*edges away from Witty*

How am I supposed to know? Did it sound like the Swedish chef to you or what?

Hmpf!

You... can't... something... something... egg?

You can't something my egg?

You can't take my egg?

Definitely not Swedish. No 'bork bork bork's.

*wading on tip-toe to keep her nose out of the water, Thistle is helpless to resist the last great splash. She finds herself involuntarily body surfing, and she is swept back to the shore. Something round and smooth drifts up next to her - her first thought is that this is Humpty Dumpty and she hopes he's alright. The object isn't him, so she lets it bob away. Something has fallen over her face, almost completely blocking her vision. Sweeping it away from her eyes she finds that this is her poor bedraggled hair bow.*

Mr. Humpty? Can anyone see Mr. Humpty? And the Mice, they haven't sunk or anything, have they? And Where's DUCKIE!!

*Rises to the surface like a hard boiled egg*

I protest the Stage Manager's protestations! I most certainly did note the waves, indeed it was the waves that knocked me from the stepping stone, how else could one explain my fall? I never, let me repeat, never fall.

And the answer to the riddle clearly is "why would they change a light bulb with all this water about?". Most dangerous, that.



*Sinks, having remembered he isn't boiled. *