h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy opens the Ahkmut Container, and two entities float out. If they were visible, they would resemble Pac-Man. They start chasing the two ghosts*

*Crawls into the cell, and winks at the Celery, then looks around the room*

This posse sure does leave a whole lotta compost in yer wake, don't yer.

*Spots Affy's container*

There ain't no emerald in there, is there? Yer wouldn't want it to fall int'the wrong hands now, yer know. Maybe's as I should keep it safe, if tha's what it is.

*takes the opportunity in the slight lull to whip out the camping gas single burner, kettle, container of water, teapot and Tetley's*

Let's have a quick break, we really can't go much further without topping up our fluid levels.

Tea! Perfect. There isn't a large tub of soapy water here too, suitable for washing dogs?

? Oh good.

*sits down on a clean patch of floor*

Ah, tea! Just what I needed. Now a nice Bourbon Cre...uh, on second thought...

WOOOOOO! WOOO! WOOOOOO! [Wahhhhhhhhhh! What's that?!?]

*flits around the room*

[Zero] Okay ... wait ... I'm just recieveing a transmission ... that X is about to have things under control. Assuming he doesn't get his aft handed to him. [under breath] ...again.

*climbs up through the hole, carrying Carmel *

Did someone mention ? I'm dying for a -

*senses something else besides the two in the cell*

What's that?!

*crawls up through the hole carrying the pieces of paper that fell out of Lovejello's bible*

Tea! I haven't had a cup of tea in months! But listen to this, everyone:

*reads aloud* "This is to certify that I do hereby appoint Dr. Elijah Lovejello to be Pope. In exchange, Pope Lovejello will perform certain tasks, descriptions appended.

Signed, W. Celery, Secular Head, Church of the One True Celery."

*looks up from paper*

Wow, look at that! You lot have been offing jellos all this time? I ~am~ jealous!

Can you explain this, "Reverend"? *Lil manages to make the quotes audible*

*The end of the red wagon emerges from the hole.*


Could someone grab this and pull it through? I can't get enough leverage to push it through myself.

[Zero] Here. [pulls on the wagon]

*Both the wagon and Witty are lifted through the hole by Zero.*

Well, you are quite strong.

[Zero] I was built to be strong. Of course, I was actually built to kill Mega Man, but that's another issue entirely.

*pops out of closet*

Pope Lovejello I, why not in church for great sacrifice?

I ain't no pope yet, on account of me not gettin the ...


Sacrifice? What sacrifice? I hope they ain't sacrificin` yer friend what as they's kidnapped. Yer's better gimme the emerald so as I kin start the negotiartin', yer know. Oh, right! I wuz jus' pretendin' to wanna be pope, so as the Celery would think I wuz on his side, an all, yer know. It's a way of negotiartin.

*winks at the Celery then gives Lil a good looking-over.*

Who is yer anyway? I ain't never seen yer afore we's got in the tunnels.

*tops up everybody's cup with a nice fresh second brew*

Ah, thanks, Caer.

*Looks around and notes that everyone is there. In fact, some of them are there twice. Shakes head and looks again.*

Um, does anyone else see two preachers here?

I don't sees any - I Mean I's the only one here.


Aren't We still in the cell? The real lovejello is in the hall lying semi -Conscious at the base of fhe stairs.


I reckon` I'll scout ahead .

* Casually leaves the room, then when he is out of site runs as fast as he Can passed a semi-conscious man lying upside-down at the base of the stairs with a hat ever his face, whose hat says (upside-down) "Edod". Lovejello Can't resist giving him a good kick as he heads up the stairs. *

*Pops head through hole in floor* Umm, hello there, couldn't give me a hand up could you, only I'm feeling a bit giddy.