h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*From the hole in the floor, an iron mask sails across the room and hits Guard 2 on the head, knocking him out cold.*

Woooo woo woooOOOOooo [Ay Carumba! THOSE are jacks?]

Woooo wooo woooooo [Dang! Now we'll never beat him at poker agin']

Woooo woo Woowoo [We're still okay, Reb]

Woo woooooooooooo [As long as no one tells him about the Aces]

[Zero] [into hole] Thank you!

*Guard 3 is in pieces on the floor. Guard 2 is out cold on the bed. Guard 1 continues to fire his spud gun at Zero. As Zero leans over to call down into the hole, the stream of spuds is directed at a particularly vulnerable spot.*

Pok pok pok pok pok pok pok

*Calls from in the hole.*

LOOK OUT, ZERO!!!!!!

[Zero whirls and gets hit in his ... hair. The entire room freezes.]

[Zero] YOU. DO. NOT. SHOOT. MY. HAIR!!!

[He dashes towards the Jello and uses HyperCleave on him. It. Whatever. There should be no fewer than a hundred and forty-seven pieces left of the Jello when he gets done.]

...one hundred forty-five...one hundred forty-six...uh, that's all I see. That's it.

Wooo wooo woooooo [Yeh musta miscounted, Zello]

*Reb is holding two pieces of jello behind his back*

*Affy jumps out of the hole, and notices two pieces of celery hovering in the air*

Oh, no....

*His hands reach to the lid of the container*

[Zero] .....

*Also clambers out of the hole. Looks around the room.*

Ewwwwwww!

Wooo wooooooooo wooooo [Aw, Reb, I kin see right through you!]

Wooo woooo wooooooo [One hundred forty-seven, one hundred forty-eight!]

*Notices Affy*

Wooooo woooo woooooo [Look out, Reb! He's got that box thing!]

*Climbs back up into his cell. An involuntary shudder runs through his body. He looks around with some satisfaction at the jello slices strewn about the room. He walks over and shakes Zero's hand.*

Thank you, young man. I hope you weren't hurt. Here, let me take that potato out of your hair.

Guard 1 (delerious): ...coronation....Vegimatic....lawnmower levels...

Oh look! Salad.

*looks round the dank cell*

I shall say it again, its hardly the Savoy.

*whips out mayo and salt*

I've got these to dip the crudités in.

[Zero] Any time, Herb. So ... what now?

Now we wait for the others to come up from the tunnels, then we attack up the stairs. The element of surprise should work in our favour.