h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Culdasac pulls out his shield with the monkey one it* *he reflects the poison darts from himself. There are still darts going towards loderunner*

*loderunner pulles a matrix and carfully dodges the posion darts, then lets out a fart, the fart of all farts and summons 50 monkeys that are trampling at Mystrunner. The fart is echoing thought the forest at this time. The monkies all hold monkey ball freezers and are chucking them at Myst*

*With a rather loud war cry, Mystrunner slams his heron-mark katana into Culdasac's Shield splitting it in two*

*Mystrunner pulls on his gas mask (in his inventory), and becomes a whirl of steel as he wades into the seething mass of primates. They die in droves, more often than not, hitting each other with thier ball freezers and dying from loderunner's gas*
*In moments, they are all dead*

These are nothing compared to trollocs!

*Sir Culdasac looks at the 90 dead monkeys laying in the field!*
You will pay for that

*He pulls out his sword and charges him*

*Mystrunner slides to one side, and as Culdasac barrels by, slips the garrote wire around his neck. As light begins to fade for Culdasac, a dying monkey makes on last feeble bite at Mystrunner. This engages Mystrunner enough for Culdasac to escape from the deadly wire.*

Drat.

*Mystrunner draws his other katana and prepares for a fight*

*Culdasac looks at the monkey*

NOOOO You can't leave me!!!

*Sir Culdasac lifts up the monkey and starts giving it mouth to mouth!*

LIVE MONKEY, LIVE!!!!!!!!!

*All of a sudden the monkey springs to life and flys at mystrunner! He begins biting his face!!*

*loderunner draws his sammuri sword and runs at Myst cutting the garrote wire into two before he is able to put it away*

*Mystrunner rips the monkey off his face and flings it at Lode runner. The monkey latches on to Lode like a starved dobeman on a dead cow.*

*Flashing through The Boar Charges Downhill, Mystrunner knocks Loderunner's sword out of his hands, and begins to bring the other katana down on Culdasac's neck, who is still giving mouth to mouth to monkeys in a way which seems bad*

*lode sends a monkey that did not all the way die, to bit at the ankeles of Culdasac*

*Head darts back and forth between the Loderunner and Culdasac*

Treachery?

No just a man with a plan

Well your plan is gnawing its way through your allie's ankle.

*Kills offending ape*

Patience is a virtue, just wait and all will unravel. Things are not as they seem.

*Culdasac looks at Loderunner*

What's this?

*Culdasac then gives him a smile.* *He pulls out one of his exploding monkey decoys and puts it down Mystrunners clothes, he runs in the opposite direction fast!*

10............9...............8.................7................6............5.............4...............3................2..................1...................................

FORE!

*Swinging katana like a golf club, the decoy soars away.*

(Move scene to Al Gore's House)

(Al gore) What's that ticking noise?

*Culdasac grabs Mystrunner by the back after he shoots the decoy. He throws him to the ground and pins him down. He pulls out his sword and holds it to his neck*

Loderunner, Finish him!!!!

*loderunner runs over and watches what Myst does next, while taking out a fart bomb*

*Mystrunner heaves up onto his shoulders, throwing Culdasac over his head, and neatly backflips onto his feet. With a flick of his wrist, a dart is sent into the detonating mechanism of the fart bomb, setting it off. Mystrunner quickly secures his gas mask, and steps back to watch the immobilising properties of the foul vapors.*

*On a side note, he sets off a few sulferous smoke bombs to add to the confusion*

*Culdasac runs very fast away from the smoke and methane. He jumps and Mystrunner and knocks him to the ground again. He takes out his photo of Hilary Clinton in a thong and shoves it in Mystrunner's face!*

Take that, Feel the rath of CLINTON!