h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Runs from Mashsdar, hitting the end of his scarf which is in the grips of the scorpion off rocks untill the little metalik thing drops off.*

*sees his car.*

I must come back from the future and leave this here to help me out now... how paradoxical

*runs towards it*

*In the time that TT was not moving, Mashadar was. It has slowly floated between him and his car, and tendrels are drifting out towards him, like serpentine ghosts.*

*throws a pine-apple grenade at the car*

*gathers energy and stregnth, stops time. Walks around Mashdar, which whilst between him and his car has not yet enveloped it. Climbs in car.*

Right... I'll have to start time then move like mad: all that magic will drive the mashdar haywire and there's still a grenade comming this way.

*sticks car in gear*

*restores time. TT starts the car which jumps forward violently. Leaving the Mashdar and falling grenade behind.*

*screaches around the streets trying to distance self from the Mashdar*

whew...

*loads an RPG and fires it at the car*

*does a sharp handbrake turn whilst trying to figure out in what context hds is using the abbreviation RPG, which I always thought ment "Role Play Game"*

*the rocket propelled grenade (an anti-tank weapon invented by the USSR and used now mostly by guerilla groups and drug kingpins' malitias) smacks into a nearby building, blowing a small hole (half a meter in diameter) in it*

*a flying peice of debres shatters the right hand side back window of TT's car*


ah, that's an rpg...

*hits a button in the inside of the car and hidden jets lift it into the air*

*HDS drops the RPG and summons up a stinger. HDS pulls the mini-radar open, tracks the flying car for a bit, and fires the anti-carcraft rocket, HDS then opens his cloak and glides to another building, to be sure that the Mashadar doesn't come too close*

*presses button on inside of car which hits the rocket with a wave of improbability turning it into a whale.*

*car banks and accelarates towards HDS. The headlights flick down and two time turners emerge, spinning on the end of mottors and thus creating huge amounts of temporal distortion just ahead of the car*

*HDS leaps from the building, spreads his cloak out, and glides to an adjacent building. As he does, he drops several high explosive grenades at the car*

*hits a button and the grenades freeze, but stay with the car an inch above the bonnet*

*uses random time fluctuations created by the car to fire grenades back ad hds*

*Leaps and glides to another building, the grenades land where he had been standing and explode, causeing large chunks of masonry to fall towards the car*

*the interior time modifiers of the car enable Time Traveller to work out the exact spacio/time computations to send the masonry into orbit around the car as a fast moving protective sheild and, as it happens, drink three cups of coffee out of the car's onboard machine.*

*uses his wrist scorpion to grab one of the cups of , snaps it up into his hand, and drinks it*

Good ! But it could use a little cream!

*Summons a cow, who squirts some milk into the . HDS downs the rest of it and pitches the . HDS then throws a cow at the car, hoping that it hitting the shield will cause the blood and gibs and whatnot to cover the windshield and blind the driver*

my coffee!

*pops a few Pro Plus cafein pills"

you will pay...

*cow hits windsheild. The car begins a spiraling dive*

*presses windscreen wipers, pulls out of dive, and sends masonry flying in the direction of hds*

*HDS swears and glides over to another building top as the masonry shatters the top of the one he had just been on*

Time to start things happening

*Steers car in direction of HDS once more. Gets it going really fast then climbs out onto the bonnet*

*pulls out an h2g2 Guild of Wizards license; checks expiry date*

*shrugs*

*sends green fireballs at HDS. If they miss they just keep comming back.*

*HDS absorbs the green lightning bolts and channels their energy into a bright blue laser aimed at the gas tank of the car*