h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I say, this really is a jolly good tipple. reminds me of when i was back in the sudan. did i ever tell you about my time in the sudan? well, we had slave boys there you know. not more than one a day, mind. they did chafe, what?

I say old boy, steady on!!

By the way, Chaps when is this dashed dance thingo supposed to start.

I'm looking forward to some rumpy-pumpy if you get my drift.

What!! What!! Hey!!!

Mmmmyersss, can't wait for a bit of the old hokey-cokey myself what!

*guffaw*

*Chortles*

Went to the dance - acres and acres of top totty on parade, what ! Was getting well into that bottle of MacLurchers that Lurcher had dropped orf when the band struck up a tune I vaguely recognised. Well I looked up and saw this vision of delightful in a red skirt across the room.

So I sucked in my cummerbund, and marched over the dance floor and arsked for a dance. Well would you believe it, I was turned down, rather gruffly I ought to say, for three reasons. Firstly that I was drunk, secondly that this was the National Anthem and thirdly that `she` was Sean Connery in a kilt.

Apparently I was very, very drunk





gathered up but no poles apparently I had got the wrong end of the stick again.

Wrong end of the stick I should say, Old dog...

You blokes must have been quite drunk to have missed the dance, being held on New Year's Eve, of course! There is a remedy though-if you chaps would like, we could set up a Chaps Club Dance! Valentine's Day is just around the corner...

What ho ! Chaps Club Valentines day dance. Endless Fillys. Count me in old boy !

Oh .... will there be poles for the gels to dance around ?

It's your dance, Cap Just pick a room, and I'll work it out...

I say ! So much bally choice, what. Well lets stick with tradition I say - Ballroom first then afterwards for the Chaps in the Billiards Room where Port and Cigars will be served until we get slaughtered.

Full dress uniforms for the chaps and tiara`s for the girls. Wake the comatose filly up in the anteroom Apollo and see if she has any chums. Game one that gel you know

Splendid !

*twirls mustache expectantly*

Good show!
Sounds like it ought to be a jolly good wheeze!

Hoorah!!

A knees up!!

*pokes and prods the filly*

odd saying, that...

*replaces monocle*

What, odder than say dropping tenpenny ones in the custard, what?

oh my... back to this party business...

Has that sea gone and run off again?? we shall never get a room at this rate I'll take care of this...

i say! i have a jolly good idea, what? you know that whenever gentlemen of european nations fought battles, they invariably had a dance the night before, to assure one another that everything was kopsher and thoughouly above board, what? why dont we do that to the cats, what? they wont suspect that we will kidnap another of them when we stage the bash, what? its not like we have a bally track record or anything, what?

Well I'll be jiggered.... got over to the cook house and the bally chef has skived orf early. On of the cleaners said he's orf tickling some trout over at the manor. I thought to m'self - That'll be Lord Farthingworth's Misses then....

Gaffawww Gaffawww.

Have I missed Tiffin? What's all this talk of a Valentines Dance? All best bib and tucker eh what? I'll get me batman to dig out me gongs and give em a polish. See if I can get in me best blue after all the Crimbo festivities. If not, I'll have it sent to my tailor....



Squabbling Bleeder Bassman (Retired. Knife Fork Spoon. D.F.C. N.F.I & Bar)

*snork* Uhh, Stumbles into the room, tie askew, plops down on a chair and moans for a whiskey. Passes out before it comes.ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzsssgnnnnzzzz

Excuse me gentlemen, I have a message here from the Lurcher Brewery.
*Reads*
Just to inform you that a new Ale is about to be launched.
A companion to the established "Tribulation, this new brew, called Bowel Clencher,is likely to find favour amongst your more discerning clientele. It is rather, er, searching.But satisfying, none the less.
Supplies of McLurchers Malt will of course still be available.
We look forward to hearing from you in due course, and will as always do our best to satisfy your requirements.

Yours faithfully

The Head Brewer

*message ends*
*courier exits*

What a wonderful intoduction to a place I must say, new and al that. Anyway one had to admit that before finding this haven my only conselation was in the Bar area, terrible bad luck, shoudlnt appen to a perfectly reasonable chap like myself. Anyway ta for now and Ill be back for tea and crumpets.