h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the heating system explodes and falls onto the freezer, crushing it and it's contents in a fiery ball of death as the temperature cools CCC regenerates his skin once again*

it's hard work regenerating all this skin you know!

Yep... One of these times i'll be quick enough to finnish you off before you get the chance to regenerate it

*BF escapes through a trap door into the basement, avoiding a fiery death*

*CCC pours molten lava into the other end of the tunnel BF is trapped in, filling the tunnel. s the lava cool and digs out the Ferret statue*

yay i get a war trophy!

*BF has quietly climbed the steps back up to the ground floor, and spots CCC digging into some cooling lava*

*BF waits until CCC has dug into the basement, then pours concrete into his hole*

*digs faster than the pouring conrete and digs the ground out beneath BF, making him plummet into the concrete with a plop*

well, i'll never get him out of there!

*Swims to the original trap door and climbs up the ladder before the concerte sets*

*BF takes out a huge squash racket, and hits CCC against the wall repeatedly*

*morphs into a whale smashing BF's racket and landing on him. the bull sits on BF until the twitching and struggling stops. then morphs back into CCC*

Clean up on aisle 3!

** obviously i meant the whale sat on him...

*BF calls a female Whale into the warehouse, which attracts the whale instincts in CCC's new shape, and he goes off after the female whale for some fun*

*'s in and kill's lady whale with a vat of acid*

DIE you er!

NOBODY tries to steal MY man!

be they person or sea thing i will kill them all, KILL THEM ALL

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa

*does a dance in the whale/acid gloop*



BF don't make me turn on you!!

if you make ONE more lady to try and steal my man i will get YOU!!!

*Dives out of the way of PFD's wrath*

Yeah you better hide Mr!

*goes to sit on the side to watch BF to make sure he is good*

did i mention i had a secret weapon, BF?

*blows a kiss to the duck. whilst BF is cowering CCC chains him to a motorbike and starts doing doughnuts in the warehouse, slowly stripping the flesh off BF*

OI! C just cos i will kill for you doesn't mean I’m on your side!!!

that's cheating!

i will watch and only intervene when there are threats to me! MEEEEE!!!

*goes back to filing her nails*

Flesh? Ha! Who needs flesh!

*digs his skeletal heels into the floor, takes a firm hold on the chain, and starts swinging the motorbike in a huge loop, getting quicker with each revoloution*

*BF's skeletal arm snaps under the force, sending the motor bike, CCC and half of BF's skeletal arm sailing into the sun*

Don't forget your sun cream CCC

*as BF the skeleton relaxes in the sun thinking he is triumphant a shining object appears in the sky, the flaming comet appears bigger and bigger until it enters the atmosphere and smashes into the warehouse leaving a big crater where the skeleton stood. some splinters of BF bone decorate the crater. as the dust settles and flames go out a figure rises from the crater*

didn't quite make it to the sun, but i dropped by Venus and got you this, Ducky.

*passes Ducky an "I Love Venus" T-Shirt and a razer*

now where's that ferret?

*After throwing CCC towards the sun, BF wanders out of the warehouse, leaving a fake skeleton in his place*

You can never be too careful, eh Duck?

*BF regrows his skin, and lurks in a corner of the warehouse with a , when CCC Smashes into the ground*

*tries T-shirt on, it's miles too big*

*looks at razor*

so you think i'm fat and hairy then huh?

erm it must have grown on re-entry. and the razor was cos of the adverts.

erm. i'm sort of in a battle here!

*summons some moles that dig the ground from under BF whilst he is drinking his and bury him, popping a kettle on top as a grave stone*

what do you mean your sort of in a battle?

OHHHHH i see, i'm not important enough to talk to whilst your playing your little war games!!!