h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

good job i'm double jointed in that knee!

*leaves the teeth in as scars of honour*

oh you wanna bring it homie?

i'm feeling dat.

*CCC sweeps his legs and places BF for a good Curbing. he brings his foot down on BF's head, making a sick crack and squishy noise. CCC then busts a cap in BF's ass*

yeah, this is real!

real!

C, you is beginning to talka da gangsta stylie!

*BF rolls out of the way of the foot comming down on his head, placing a glass covered jelly in his place. CCC's foot makes a sickening cracking squishing sound on impact*

*BF then takes out a super sized can crusher and crushes CCC inot a compact cube. He then throws the cube into a recycling bin*

Laters C

*unocompresses himself into his normal shape and rips the recycling bin to shreds. starts turning a funny shade of green and keeps growing*

CCC mad, CCC crush!

*the green CCC smashes BF over the head knocking his body into the ground, up to his chin, then kicks him in the head ripping it from his body. the head sails through the air and lands in the waste paper basket on the other side of the warehouse. the bin man walks in and collects the rubbish, emptying the bin straight into the truck. the truck crushes all the rubbish and drives off*

CCC stomp!

*CCC then stomps the bloody stump that was BF's neck*

Ewwww!!! Metalic Green?

*BF head s from the trash can, causing his body to come running, and save his poor head*

Don't ask me how my body can hear...

*Together again, BF and his head work out a cunning plan to stop CCC once and for all. The plan is so cunning, you could pin a tail on it, and call it a weasel*

*notices BF is 3 inches shorter thanks to the stomping and s, stops being mad and turns back to the normal colour*

*looks up at CCC*

Oi!! you big meanie

*BF sneezes on CCC*

*lifts his shield in time to block the snot, then sweeps BF's legs*

BF has fallen.

*minutes silence*

*BF has a power nap on the floor*

*Suddenly alert again, BF takes out a lathe, and lathes CCC into a corkscrew shape. BF turns CCC, screwing him into the ground*

*screwed into the ground CCC calls forth his moles to dig him out. after 3 days in the ground Bold Ferret lets his guard down and goes off to make a pot of tea. CCC s himself back into his normal shape with a large spear in his hand. he casts the spear impaling ferret to the wall. with the ferret unable to free himself CCC throws throwing knives at Ferret until he looks like a pincushion, then s all the weapons away and Ferret slumps to the floor*

I'm sure you've speared me to the wall before... But hey! I'm used to it now

*From his slumped position, BF struggles to one knee, and calls on the power of the three sided square to heal him. BF then Starts throwing bricks at CCC, creating a cell around him. BF fills the cell with Chrome covered Piranhas, which eat CCC*


Mmmm... More required.

*goes and puts the kettle on again*

if it doesn't work once try and try again. like this piranha idea of yours. pretty sure you've tried that before.

*the piranhas all die from being out of water before they can eat CCC*

now that's just cruel. you evil person.

*rings RSPCA and they cart Ferret away, knocks down the wall*

*Ferret, being cunning and crazy, escapes from the RSPCA and sneaks up behind CCC. Ferret pours maple syrup over CCC, and swarms of diamond toothed ants attack him*

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Diamonds

*sends an army of steal nose lined anteaters to suck all the 's up*

i can make LOTS of pretties out of these

I'll leave you to go through the anteater poo then

Don’t be so stupid! They have little separators at the top of their noses, lets the squished up ’s get through but keeps the Diamonds in a little compartment that gets emptied later!

Ffs! How stupid do you think I am huh?

*oblivious to all these happenings*

*Pats Duck on the head*

Of course they do *sniggers*

*Clicks his fingers causing CCC and BF to morph into each other. The Shiny Chrome Covered BF gets a cup of *

*grabs the actual BF who is in fact deluded and had just wrapped himself in tin foil*

*picks him up and shakes him til he spills his *

are you questioning ME?!?!?

ARE YOU??!!

To be honest Duck, i think he was patronising you, which is a hell of a lot worse than questioning you. I'd get him for that if I were you.


Sorry Ferret, nice to have known you