h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What like Eddie Van Halen or Eddie Murphy?

What the hell do they have to do with space-time? I mean, I know EVH is an awesome guitarist, and Eddie Murphy used to be funny, but I mean, that doesn't automatically entwine them with the fabric of the universe.

I say let's just walk through it and see where we end up!

*Turns around in his armchair by the fire, squints, growls, removes pipe from mouth*

Beware! Beware! Be wary wary careful! You can't just go tramping through the space-time continuum willy-nilly. It's private property, by God! And there's considerably worse than farmers with shotguns beyond the edge of reality. Squamous eldritch thingies with unpronouncable names and more tentacles than a Japanese schoolgirl website...

*Hops out of armchair, takes harpoon-gun down from over the mantelpiece*

Which is why you need one of *these* for the trip. Anyone for seafood?

I don't think is anything with more tentacles than a that...

Actually I think you're thinking of a hentai website, Japanese porn with real girls doesn't seem to have the high number of tentacles.

You seem worryingly knowledgeable...

I should have added - the *animated* type of Japanese schoolgirl. This genre of tentacle-porn is disturbing for me as a fan of tentacled monstrosities - I mean, Cthulhu used to be cool, man. Just waiting there, beyond the bleeding edge of reality, waiting to return and remake the world in his own horrible image. Now he comes back and, what? He just wants to bang Japanese schoolgirls? He's Mick Jagger, essentially. Or possibly Woody Allen.

He certainly *looks* a lot like Mick Jagger.

Perhaps he is, and we're all about to be wiped out. I say we head through the portal now and see if we can take him out first!

For anyone unsure of exactly what we're dealing with...

http://www.piratejesus.com/nerdcore/data/cthulhu/

But then, Lovecraft was a wuss. As far as I can tell, he never even mentioned *shooting at the Elder Gods with big guns*.

*Grabs shotguns from the wall rack, tosses them to all members of the party, adjusts the cigar which hangs jauntily from the corner of his mouth*

Which you'd think would be the first thing to occur to a red-blooded dude.

Ooh! Shotguns! *Straps on his matching set of Ruger Vaqueros in .44 caliber* I think I'll be bringing these babies, too. They pack a whollup!

This has nothing to do with B.O.E continuity, but I thought I would sort of explain why I haven't been around for a while at all.

http://jadeseh.blogspot.com/2007/03/tour-march-first-part-two.html

This is part two of a three-part journal. Part one is still under construction but ought to be up in the next couple of hours. (I enjoy Terrantino-ing things.)

You're engaged?!? When did this happen? Why was I not informed? I mean, I could see it coming a hundred miles away, but still.. you could have told your e-vil kin...

I mean, we both know that Kingland is only settling for you because I'm not around and everything, but still...

Also there are lots of videos.

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=F56D32B702B6F71C

Also I know that Hally just said something, but I can't see what it is because H2G2 is playing silly f*kers.

Hally, Kingland and I have been 'engaged' for a number of months (we have yet to set any sort of a date, so don't even ask.).

Well congrats. Does this mean you're hanging up your e-vil boots to start a family? Kinda like in almost every bad guys movie ever made?

Oh GOD no. Gross.

When I was three, I told my mother I was going to become a punkrocker, and further that punkrockers do not have babies. I am working hard to make this a reality.(Despite the fact that I am clearly in a folk band, I still have blue hair, g*ddamnit. Also I do'nt have any babies in me.)

*Begins tapping foot*

Does this mean we have to wait to go after Cthulhu? Because I was sort of psyched to get to use my friends here *quick-drawns pistols and does fancy trick, before reholstering them*

Phaid, you will quickly learn that I am quite a bit more important than you on the hierarchical scale.

I have been around since the dark ages.

Kindly shut up.

Goodness, it seems as if I have been in this thread since post 221.

Five years is a long time, kiddies. A LONG time. (We are old, probably.)

*Glomps JJ, something he swore back in the Gaia era that he'd never do to anyone*

Good to see you. There's all kinds of uppity new fish who've never felt your stiletto heel on their bits...

Five frakkin' years. I would rather not think about *that*. Isn't it about time for a clips show?