h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

G'night, Scuttle . Sleep well.

Aawwhh, shucks AW, 'preciate your thawts.


nite all.

*digs outpok 'n' hits the sack...Ouch it replys....

Yar, ah'm prorbably abusin the apostrophes... just lert uff a beit

Arnd goonnight... marbe we'll get ER while you're sleepin... you carn still 'elp wid Ottox

Dat's one wicked varmmint... if he shows his farce 'round these parts ah'll blow itoff ih 'ead

*talkin' in 'is sleep... ER U's is one rotten Varmint 'n' I's gonna find you'se, where everyou'se is hidingt, and as fur yous'e Ottox, I'se gonna convert you to thing if'ne I have to use my ta waken you'se up to da real relijun. You'se nuthin but a heath'n. Darn nabbit. I's really now. I jus' hoppin" I git some shuteye. Then I'll trail you like the Jackalope you'se is. Succinsuccatashe, *


Deputy scuttle

::appears from the general direction of "Slightly Damp Gulch", rustles up some food, rustles some cattle, has a few s, avoids the ambush and toddles off in the general direction of "Warmer than Usual Gulch"::



If'n it ain't evil
It'd betta be vile
An' if'n it's nice
I'll be pukin' up bile

Now *that's* what I call a dedicimated Deputy Sheriff.

He's fightin' the bad guys in his sleep.

Should we wake the feller up, since he's beatin' the livin' stuffins out of his poor piller? 'Spose we shood let him be, or we may be confuddled with the varmints he's dreamin' o' fightin'.

Dag nabbit! He slipped past me in a simulpost!!





*comes out shootin'*

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Missed me!!!

*covers her ears*


I loves to see a good shootin', but whee doggies, thay hurts ma ears!

Did not miss you! Now lay down because I got ya fair and square, you cheatin', lyin', no good stinkin' skunk's uncle!

*stamps foot and demands that ER play by the rules*



Fire and tarnation!! Lay down and play dead, now, will ya? <s eyes> Please?

Oh come on now!! It took 'bout 'alf an hour for you to realise that I'd bin there. Dya reckon I cain't outrun a bullit wit 'alf an hours 'ead start?

*stamps foot and refuses to play by the rules*

Oh, I shoulda knowed. Cain't 'spect a scoundrel to play by the rules of "Cowboys and Indians" we've follered since the tender age of nine.


When I shot ya, you was still hangin' 'round lookin' ta see if'n I'd shot ya, so's I *got* ya fair ... so there.

Now lay down and be dead you big dumb lunk, dag nabbit!

But Sherriff, if'n you done already killed him, how's ya gonna hang him?

Not a problem! Nowhere says he has ta be alive to be hanged!

Takes a lot of the fun out it, though, don't you think?

T'would take *all* the fun out of it for you!

*throws hands in the air*

I juss dunno. I mean, this varmint ain't cooperatin' with me none. Ain't got a speck of respect fer tha law. He won't submit to bein' hanged. He won't fall down and die when we shoots him. He juss gits up and moseys off whenever we tries ta hogtie his nappy a*se.

What's a Sheriff ta do? Gul dern crimnals ain't doin' thar part ta hepp justice be done. What's the werrld a comin' ta?



*heavy sigh amidst deep consternation*

Take away his ... that'll teach 'im!