h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Heyo' Right Neighborly Clive

Where'd dat ER... ah'm settin oop un arrmbroosh.

Ah'm a-thinkin' that varmint'll be makin' an appearance real soon ... yeah, real soon ... *ptang!*

Ah reckon we shoots 'im or dat preacha... we covahed dat right?

Oh, wezuh betters be lyin' down in' waitins' shalln't we?

I ain't gonna be shootin' no preacher-man! I's met the man, he's a good, upright, Bob-fearin' individial!

Dat's clive... this is evil "roy"...right neighborly preacher "roy"...eh?

I's knowin' Clive! I's talkin' about that there preacher-man! Even turned down an offer of ... that ain't the Evil Roy we's know, that's fer shur!

Howdy, pardners.

Ah've bin scribblin' this here note to ER ... says raht heah that I challenge his evil varmint yellow-bellied self to a shootout, cuz this here town of Dry Gulch juss ain't big enough for the two of us. Much as it pains me, I gotsta do what I gotta do, and put him down onest and fer all.

Lahk my granpappy toll me when I was knee-high to a grasshopper, he said, "A man's gotta pay for the wicked that he done, AW. Our fammly has kerried out a fine tradishun of huntin' down lawless folk, and them as done great evil in Bob's sight. When yer all growed up, I expect yeh ta foller in yer Pappy's, Grandpappy's and Great Grandpappy's footsteps to be a Feddral Marshall, cuz justice is somethin' that shuld always be dunn at the end of a long rope, on the branch of a tall oak tree, with plenty of and vittles for the onlookers to enjoy."



I'm gonna git that rotten ER if'n it's the last thing I do!!

C'mon out, ER! You low-down-under grub-eatin' vermin!! You wiped out half of the town of Dry Gultch in that e'splosion you set off las' naht at the Red Dog Saloon!! C'mon out you smelly scum from the bottom of this here horse trough! You flea-bitten parasite off the back end of my sick hound dog!! Your Mammy wears unfashionable clod-hopper shoes! C'mon out, you sissy-girl evil varmint!



*waggles fingers in her ears*

That right thar is why I'm a-willin' ter folly this sheriff to tha ends o' tha !

An' she's a givin' me an idea!

::leaves trail of whichetty grubs down the street, ending in a large cannon::

If that don't get that thar varmint to show his evil face, I don't know whut will!

Weel, I've moseyed on down the wet gulch, the dry gulch, the Elderberry gulch, the blackberry gulch, the canyon, the sayonora cantina, the Tumbleweed saloon, the Globe theatre, The Express Tavern , the Yukon, the Icon< and I still aint seen that darn varmint, so's I's gonna nestle down unner this 'ere Conestoga and get some s and find that varmint on the 'morrow.
*Where's me chaw?*
's anyone seen that low down hombre, Ottox. Reckon 'e's involved. 'E's a wrong un as well.
Night all.

Scuttle

Ah thankee fer all yer hepp, Madfiddler. This here town needs more deputies like you.

*slap on the back and pins a deputy badge to 'Mazin Mad's chest*

So let me get this straight...

"Billy-ROY was a preacher's son and when his daddy would visit he'd come along. "

Awwwww shucks, Shea ... a sidekick like you is werth her wait in twenty-dollar gold pieces.


What the sam-hell are you talkin' about, Clive?

I see Madam you are not a Purveyor of the Classics.

Clive 'unswept metal coil plantation' TFO

*strums guitar* "lonesome town...."

What has gone wrong with the poeple on this thread! Those who only a few days ago so nobly grabbed the 50 thousandth post?

Doth we give thee offense?

Thanks fer the Deputy's badge. Shure appreciate it. Will add it to me war chest. Now can yer get outen me sleepin' area 'n' let a tiered scuttle getten some rest. By the way gotten any redeye to help a tired get some . got to check deadwood Gulch, dry, 'n' Aspen Glen in the marnin'.
Off to snooze now. Who did I hit? Loads a Claret 'n' were'nt mine or any other critter I knows. May'nt bin a "coon. Anyone missin' Sorry if it wuz one of the pussy. Ain't seen none round this 'ere neck of the woods fur a while.
Of to now. If'n ya wan' a kip stick yer poke 'ere, plenny a room unner this Connestoga. Who lives 'ere anyway.
*brews a hot and adds Redeye
Nyte oll

very knackered Scuttle

Ah keerp arskin ya! Where 'ou from? Not 'round 'ere, dat's fo sure! You talk like one a dem eastern richyfolk! So who da are ya?

Dat Ottx...definly bad company, 'e's 'orse than ER ah reckon

No offense, It just takes longer to read dat luvly accent and western swag way o' talkin' that I was askin' away about what'had 'appened around heryae...