h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* the penguin dives out of the way of NYC, then leaps out of the way of Yo's bullets, some of which have embedded themselves in his tough skin. Hiding behind UH, he produces a pair of tongs and reaches around behind him to pluck them out and apply antiseptic and pre-packaged healing spells *

[Darmani turns into Link, and then into Mikau, a Zora who's part of a rock group. And then he turns back into Link, because Mikau is utterly useless in this situation.]

*Affy finishes healing his arm, and steps out from behind the piece of machinery, just in time to see GL quickly scurrying down the corridor, with a robot close behind (As alluded to by NYC). Thinking fast, Affy decides to revert to his original plan, and casts the Zifmia spell on the now visible GL. GL appears behind the machinery, just as a massive missile is unleashed from the robot. Without GL in the way, the missile heads towards the door*

I'm gonna get it for this one, I can just feel it....

[KABLOOIE]

[Link] [who goes flying and is thrown against NYC's back] Now I wish I'd stayed Darmani!

*in the efforts to make YK's last post somewhat feasible, we have to assume Affy's turn-you-into-an-amphibian spell is only temporary, in which case NYC reverts to his former self, oddly enough in UH's arms*

[NYC] let go of me!

[UH] with pleasure!

*UH drops NYC. NYC gets up to brush himself off, when he's knocked off his feet by a flying Link and lands in a crumpled heap some yards away. The exit door has a noticable dent and scorch mark on it. NYC pulls out a baseball bat and uses it to choke Link*

* the penguin, having attended to his wounds, leaps upon NYC and begins trying to grapple the baseball bat off him before Link suffers from oxygen deprivation *

[Link decides not to wonder how he can be CHOKED by a BASEBALL BAT, and instead draws his Great Faery Sword. Baseball bats and swords as powerful as THAT don't mix. The upper bit of the baseball bat goes flying and Link dives out of the way.]

[Link] That does it.

[He puts on the Fierce Deity mask, transforms into a ... Fierce Deity, Z-targets him* with Navi, and swings his sword, causing a bolt of energy to fly over and knock NYC off his feet. He then raises his shield in preparation of the inevitable retaliation. He is pleased to note the thin haze of light surrounding him.]

[Link] Okay.

[*Footnote: Z-targeting is when Link has Navi (or Tatl) fly over to his target and hover over him/her/it, glowing yellow. Link will thenceforth always face said target until he calls Navi (or Tatl) back over to him. This does not mean he cannot miss said target if he fires an arrow or boomerang.]

You choke someone with a baseball bat by getting behind them and putting the baseball bat across their larynx, then pulling upon it while pushing against their body, hence compressing the larynx and impeding air flow. Eventually of course it will crush the larynx and the person will most likely die.

So it _was_ a valid action, you see?


* the penguin goes flying and lands in a dazed heap after Link breaks free of the bat *

*turns page. hit by falling masonry*

*peeks at action, continues hiding*

* the penguin scrambles upright once more, raises a flipper and casts a spell. Unfortunately it goes wrong, and instead of the roaring fireball which would have incinerated NYC where he stood, a large cloud of oily black smoke bursts into being and rapidly spreads to fill the end of the corridor. Penguin-like chocking sounds are heard through the darkness *

*GL blinks in surprise as he finds himself safely out of range of the killer robot. He shakes his head to clear it, then changes back into human form. He wonders for a moment why his tailbone hurts, then remembers having the tip of his tail shot off. He scowls at NYC while trying to think of a way to finish this room. He looks at the door that now sports a big blackened dent and has an idea.*

Hey, YK. Do you have your chefinator on you? I have my snowzar and I thought if we alternately froze and cooked the door, it might weaken it. I'll start.

*GL fires his snowzar at the door. Frost forms on it.*

[YK] No, but I /do/ have something singularly more effective than a Chefinator.

[[Inferno]]

[YK summons Ifrit, who starts cooking the door for about five seconds. The door begins to glow red]

[YK] Er, all right, that's enough...

* the penguin mutters something rather rude and tries the fireball spell again. This time, boiling flame bursts from his flipper and roars down the corridor back in the direction they came from. At the end it explodes and sends a wash of hot air back to where the heroes stand *

[Penguin] That's _much_ better.

[YK] What off Earth was the point of that?

Hey, GL, think that maybe a Sleetzar would work on that? I've got one installed in my OmeGauntlet.

*Affy is interupted by a tap on the shoulder. He turns around and looks into the face of the killer robot, who's gun turret accidentally pushed him a bit. Affy ducks out of the way, and tries to think of a way to survive this*

[this is a bookmark. ignore it and continue your fighting. thank you]

[Penguin] I was just practising, YK.

* he turns to the killer robot that is about to turn Affy into a load of disassociated atoms and casts another fireball _inside_ it. Flames gush out of various joints and the whole thing gets very hot and melty and generally non-functional *

[Penguin] It's okay, Affy, you can get up now. I wouldn't touch the robot though - it's rather hot.

* this should be obvious as it's glowing a dull red. The penguin, beginning to feel the effects of too much magic, takes out a packet of dried herring and begins to eat *

UH: ugh...*passes out*

[FD Link] Should I have a go at the door?