h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy ponders*

Keep that solution in mind, Penguin, it may be the best we can get. Time is definitely our enemy here. You and one other person could use that method, and I've got my (only castable once per adventure) Girgol spell (stops time), and that would get me across, but that still leaves several other heroes who wouldn't be able to get across. We don't all need to go across in the same way, we just need to be able to get across. We've got three so far. How many heroes do we have altogether? There's me, you, GL, WM, YK (man, we've got a lot of initials here), YK's friends who came along for the ride, UH, Suicide Man,....I feel like I'm missing someone. Sorry to whoever it is....

[Cut to Ultros, taking a bubble bath somewhere in Turkey]

[Ultros] Me!

[Cut back to the Good Guys]

[YK] No, he's one of me.

[Link] We can't get through without tripping at least /one/ of them ...

[Mackenzie] No, don't bother setting ALL of them off. They go off more than once.

I have an idea. Its a subtle plan,with plenty of nuance and technical planning. I say we rush in guns blazing. Not resorting to type or anything.

OOC just kill Uncle Heavy, eh? hmm? is that it then? I'll have you know that i reserve the right to dismember myself in various visceral ways. so there.

* the penguin nods *

[Penguin] As you say.

* he takes out his rather large gun and tweaks the settings so that it makes a deep throbbing sound *

[Penguin] We could try locating and destroying each individual defence system along that corridor. But somehow I think that might take a bit too long. Perhaps there's another solution.

* he puts the gun down and takes out "Magic for Penguins, Second Edition" to see if there's anything suitable on the arcane line that's a bit more useful than Affy's rather impressive-sounding spell *

The more people we can get across without having them die, the better. Hmmm....

OH! I've got it! My Zifmia spell!

I can summon people as long as I can still see them. If we could set up some kind of camera here, so that I could connect it to my graphics display feature on my watch, I could cast the Exex spell (increases speed) on myself, and then cast the Girgol spell. Let's see, with a series of corridors at this length, based on my previous knowledge of how this station is laid out, I'd say that I could....I could conceivably get about ten yards from the exit before Girgol wore off. Then I'd just have to test my super speed against whatever traps are there. I'd be able to survive one Will-Definitely-Kill-Someone trap as long as I put on my Ozmoo spell before my time runs out...I could do this, I think. But I don't have a monitor, and I can't summon people without being able to see them somehow. Hmmm....

MSTie, could I borrow Cambot?

[YK] I know a Jedi trick that allows me to run at 100 mph, but that'll be just me. And I don't trust the guns to not be faster.

*GL takes some marbles from his pocket and rolls one along the floor. Nothing happens. Then he throws one about 6 inches above the floor. It is obliterated. He continues throwing marbles just above the floor.*

Okay, it looks like there is a space of about 4 inches above the floor that is not covered by their sensors. I don't think a normal human could stay below that, but I could in my wolf form. That would get me past the automatic weapon systems, but something tells me that at some point I would run into NYC or someone who could just pick me off. Hmmmm.

Say, Affy? That problem about being able to see us. Do you still have that mirror bubble juice from the Roswell thread? Not sure if that would work because the mirror bubbles may set off the automatic weapons, which would destroy them. Hey, wait a minute. You could make small bubbles in that 4 inch space next to the floor.

You're forgetting the mines.......Gotta love NYC 's thoroughness

And of course mty super regenerative powers, or my infallible mr goriff disguise...

[Penguin] I know a spell to shrink myself to less than four inches high. Maybe if I was that small I'd be able to avoid the mines - I've got a scanner in my gun that should be able to detect them. It's the latest technology from the Ministry of Evil. Alternatively, Affy, that last Slo-Time grenade of mine might prove useful to you if you do what you suggested, over those last ten yards. You'd have to roll it ahead of you though, or else you'd get caught in it as well and it'd be wasted.

[Link] A Goron could be fast enough to get through.

[YK] We haven't GOT any Gorons here.

[Link whips out a mask from behind his shield (between the back of his shield and his back), puts it on, and transforms into the legendary Goron hero, Darmani]

[Darmani/Link] We have now!

[Mackenzie] I could probably teleport across.

[YK] Beautiful. Whatabout anyone else?

[Mackenize] Probably only one other person.

[Mog] Then not helpful.

[Janine] Wait! I just had an idea!

[All] [I'm assuming] What??

[Janine] We could all use our abilities together! YK could use his Jedi trick to get himself across, Affy could use that slowing time spell and carry UH across, Darmani could roll across, Mackenzie could teleport across with WM, and the penguin could use the slo-time grenade to get himself and Mog across!

[YK] What about you?

[Longish pause]

[Janine] You had to ruin a good idea like that, didn't you?

[YK] I could carry you.

[Janine] Fine. Any objections?

Affy, what in the universe did you have in mind when you invited me on this mission? Body armor? All I've got is pockets full of needles, scissors and craft supplies! About all I can do is poke someone.

*Looks at Mackenzie hopefully.*

[Penguin] You never know when you're going to have to cut something up, or make something quickly. Right, I'm going across.

* without further ado, the penguin pulls out his last Slo-Time grenade, rolls it carefully along the corridor floor, grabs Mog and drags him along just as the grenade detonates. All the security systems react too late, and by the time the penguin and Mog reach the far end, the guns in the middle are only just firing. Then the Slo-Time grenade wears off, and several thunderous explosions signal landmines the penguin triggered in Slo-Time. When the smoke clears, the floor is considerably messier *

[Penguin] Woops. Looks like they'll have to call the cleaners.

* the penguin cackles *

*NYC leans on his howitzer on the opposite end of the sector, near the exit, watching the heros converse amongst themselves*

[NYC] I KNEW I should've put more mines in...

*he watches them on a MONITOR. the exit is obviously not visible from the entrance...*

Witty, I invited you along based on your experience creativity. That's all you need in a place like this.

UH, hope you don't mind a few moments of blood-pressure increasing panic....

*Affy quickly flips through his spell book, memorizing several spells, and pulling out his Girgol spell palimpsest*

Liskon!

*UH shrinks, and Affy picks him up before any protests can be made*

Ozmoo!

*Affy and UH are briefly covered in an orange cloud of mist, protecting them from dying once*

Exex!

*Affy begins vibrating with a ridiculous amount of kinetic energy*

Girgol!

*The spell scroll flashes, and time begins to alter. Affy watches the still-disturbing images of time quickly grinding to a standstill, and even the individual dust particles are hanging in the air. Everyone and everything around them stops moving. As soon as this happens, Affy is zipping down the corridors of the Security Center, UH in tow (making sure to drop marbles an every suspicious looking piece of ground that could still have some mines under them. Affy keeps running, turns a corner, and sees the exit door, just when time starts working again!*

*Affy's eyes scan the area while standing perfectly still, seeing the ridiculous amount of traps that he is standing exactly in the middle of, not even hearing the distant explosions from some of his marbles. Shrugging, knowing that the Exex and Ozmoo spells are still working, Affy zips across the groun as fast as possible, somehow avoiding ridiculous traps, flying bullets, hammers jumping out of the walls, lazers, awful music, a few robots, and the like. He finally takes the second-to-the-final step, and steps on a land-mine. The explosion hurls him towards the door which he slams into. Thanks to the Ozmoo spell, Affy stands up, groggilly looks around, and grins*

Man, if NYC wasn't a homicidal paranoia freak with way too much against my life, I'd hire him to design a roller coaster ride! Now, to wait for the others.

*A few moments pass, and UH reverts to his normal size and weight, crushing Affy's foot*

AAHHHHH!!!

* the penguin blinks in surprise, since to his perspective Affy neatly missed out a large portion of the corridor *

[Penguin] That was very impressive.

UH, faintly: Affy, never *ever* do that to me again.
*collapses*

*Rubbing his foot*

No problem....

*Affy taps his watch and speaks into it*

Okay, GL. UH, Penguin and I are on the other side, safe and sound. Send the next person over.

[Darmani rolls over to them at top speed. When he arrives, he transforms back into Link holding the Goron Mask]