h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(*sits back in holo-chair at the beginning of the hallway, gunblade and sawed-off shotgun at the ready*) Yaaaa, this is the life! No one would even bother to come this far or for that matter get this far past head security(* takes out cards and starts to play solitaire*)

you were saying

Happy? Shouldn't you be at your post? The heros will be coming through this hallway the moment they finish off NYC's Security Center.

(*Looks around*)ooooookkkkkkk then. Krylma, you still there? (*looks around*) Is HappyDude head of security?

I just spread happiness in my own evil way

I see. What do you want with me then?(*hand gets closer to gunblade as he talks*)(*looks at HappyDude*) Why the #$%^ are you dressed like that?

(*looks at the door*) Wow! That was quick!(*picks up gunblade, puts sawed-off shotgun behind cape, walks toward door. Thinks out loud*) I sure wish I had Y2K to tell me what to do.(*smiles [evilly, of course] *) Time to kill me a CHOPPERS! Where are those stupid *&^%$#_#$%^& ?(*puts inferrend goggles on, can't see through the door, puts them back on his head*)Hmmm...must be made of some high classed metal, go figure. No matter, I'll just wait.(*holds gunblade at a distance so the first person to walk in the door will get stabed when he pulls the trigger, other hand behind him on his sawed-off shotgun ready to pull it out and shoot*)

hands Starman Jones special 'happy' ammo
"here use these"

*happy picks up his weapons & heads back to his assigned post*

[to happy] I think we all could use a little happiness right about now....

true
if you havent yet, go visit http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/FFM641?thread=112472&skip=0&show=20#p0

(*looks oddly at the "Happy ammo"*) What the #$%^ dose this do for me?

(*Community*)Oh, boy do I feel stupid. As soon as I read the news, it was like someone had taken a brick and hit me in the chest. I'm reading the book over again and trying to get others to read it also that have never heard of it before. I'm sure you're all doing the same, if not, you should.(*Community*)

(*Community*)I've listened to the entire Radio series twice since I heard the news (*Community*)

Happy ammo is the same as normal ammo except its got smilies painted on the sharp end. Its my way of spreading a little happiness

Thats crazy stuff!(*puts ammo in sawed-off shotgun*) Ya! Now THIS is what I call a happy ending!(*pumps it once*) BRING IT ON CHOPPERS!!

excellent, fully operational.......

(*to Yowuzupman*)Are they right outside the door?(*bomb hits the door in front of them and knocks Jones over*)Well, I guess I deserved that.(*Gets up*)So whats the game plan? Do we just hold they off for as long as possible, maybe dying in the proses, or do we run yelling and screaming down the hall and let someone else do the dirty work as we take the credit for it later and live to tell the tale? I don't know about you, but I'm stayin' with the first choice. I wanta' smell the blood of the CHOPPERS as they come through that door and meet "my little friend", you can do what you like. Who are the CHOPPERS foot soldiers anyway?

play with laser range finder on mini-gun

[For no reason whatsoever, the door is momentarily covered with frost. Shortly thereafter, it glows from overheating. It is frozen again and gets a crack, and then is blasted to bits with heat.]

[Voice] Let me go in first.

[Through the doorway jumps a large figure. The overall impression is one of a genetic combination of Leonardo DiCaprio and Arnold Schwartzenegger with pointy ears, white hair, glowing silver eyes, body armor, a rather nice shield, etc. This person makes Maximus from "The Gladiator" look like Peewee Herman. He is Fierce Deity Link and his shield is raised, surrounding him with a pink glow. He turns to face SJ and draws his double-helix sword]

[FD Link] Hi there. Ooh, you've got a gunblade. Wanna talk about swordsmanship?


For the record, I know Starman Jones IRL. And I warned him he'd see a familiar face this morning (Monday 15 May 01).

*A very large bat is hurled into the room by an explosion back in the Security Center. It lands on the ground, pants a bit, and then transforms into Afgncaap5. He looks at Happydude. He looks at Yowuzupman. He looks at Starman Jones, and looks confused*

Oh, boy. Minos has been initiating again....

*Affy pulls out his sword, and sets his OmeGauntlet to "Snowzar-1 Hour"*

Okay, we all know the drill (except possibly Starman Jones). Heroes enter (that's us), baddies fire at us (that's you), heroe's manage to avoid the exact same kind of weapons and planning that face them everytime (I mean, when you can dodge bullets, weapons stop taking meaning), baddies either lose or run out of ammo, and heroes proceed on their merry way. I mean, when STUMPED turned the entire population of New York City against us, they *still* weren't able to wipe us out! And then,....

*Affy dodges several hundred bullets launched by a very annoyed interior defense mounting, that's getting tired of hearing STUMPED insulted*

Anyway, let's just get this over with....

*Affy casts a Cleesh spell (turns living creature into an amphibian) at Yowuzupman, shoots his OmeGauntlet (set to Snowzar) at Happy, and casts the Espnis spell (induces sleep) at Starman Jones*


So, Yowuzupman is just aimlessly wandering about the OmegaMatic instead of holding his post?